WAILKATO WHISPERINGS

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 28, 26 March 1881, Page 296

WAILKATO WHISPERINGS

— N. S. M. is looking more clogged than ever. — J. D. and J. A., of Alexandra, are confidential. Look out for a rise in sugar and calico. —The V. B. says he was never happier in Ms life, and adds that tlie Observer talks a lot of rot. —Mac has his hloomimr optic on the Waipa constituency. He will get a block vote at Alexandra, you bet ! Fred, look to your laurels. "the senior "bachelor of Harapepe, A. S. S., noted for his splendid liberality, is, I hear, about to give a grand ball and supper to his nmerous friends. George and the captain are on the war path, and will make it sultry for the Observer man when the}' catch him. The Hamilton gentlemen who stayed to the dance at Cambridge on Saturday night are anxious to conceal the fact. — The Cambridge temperance reformers have been completely euchred over the Cambridge West Hotel; and feel their defeat bitterly. —Nobody is sorry that old Mac won the day. He has his bad points/and is an awful bore in his way; hut he is a better fellow than Joe after all. — St. Patrick's Day passed oft' without much noise. Each township had some little jollification in honour of the patriotic old gentleman who " sint the riptiles out of ould Oireland." — I "must congratulate Uis Honor on the fairness of his decision," for which compliment the least return he can make is to ask me, " What's yours going to be— brandy r" — Some of your Auckland tradesmen must he doing a good business just now in lactometers, as all the large consumers of milk in Hamilton are going in for that description of household requisite. —The annual concert, given at Cambridge in aid of the Catholic Church funds, was a failure, very few of the performers expected turning up. The whole affair showed what bad management will do. — The obscene paragraph which Von inserted in the Ma il was also sent to the Lance, but Wickham, with all his faults, had the decency to excise the objectionable parts. In its mutilated state, it is, however, lamentably tame. — A poor creature in Te Awamutu thinks the Observer very low, and has written or rather "cribbed" some well-known lines to give vent to his feelings. The production is worthy of a place by the side of " Don Juan," to help to stiffen the binding. —The Piako Races, considering all things, were pretty good ; but the stakes were too low to induce any good horses to attend the meeting. The programme was lengthened by the introduction of foot races and sports, which were, in their way, more successful than the horse racing. — "Fitz" always drives or rides at a furious rate past what he calls that infamous place, "The Club," but apparently he only objects to the system, and not to its supporters. Else how can I account for his driving a certain incapable individual from Pnkerimu to Cambridge on Saturday night ? Perhaps it was an act of Christian charity. — The "prentice hand" tells me that the only piece of information which his guide philosopher and friend ever imparted to him was this : — A man can consume six pints of beer and four nobblers of "real old Jamaiky " without falling down. And this fact was the more deeply impressed on the youthful mind by a practical illustration. — Where does the shoe pinch ? Why I should say decidedly on the feet of a certain portly "Vet." Ah! Mr. A— m, you little thought an observer was watching you the other day when you went home, carrying your own tight boots under your arm, and with a pair of your friend's leather slippers on your poor feet. Oh ! the vanity of man, not woman this time. — The great case of McTavish v. Joe Tvess came off on Tuesday week, and lasted well into the night. Unfortunately for the witnesses, who were of course ordered out of Court, they had not far to go for a drink, The Commercial Hotel lies near at hand, and thither all betook themselves. The effect was not favourable, one of the " experts " who was not called till about 10 o'clock, appearing in the witness-box slightly under the influence, as the mesmerist would say. — The races at Kihikihi were very fair, both in a sporting and financial sense, and what is perhaps more to be wondered at, the strictest sobriety prevailed, and the interference of the police was not required. The conduct of Wilson, the jockey, in the Hack Race was disgraceful in the extreme, and ought to end ill his disqualification. When he found that his horse could not win, he deliberately thrashed the rider of Saint, on the ground that the latter had jostled him. It was fortunate that there was a saddling paddock. Otherwise the natives would have taken a summary revenge for the brutal treatment of one of their kindred by Wilson.

THE MAJOR AND THE PEACOCK,

It is our melancholy duty to record the death of Sir Ebo Fcacoch, who expired' suddenly on Friday morning, the 11th inst. at the residence of Major Hay, Bclgravia, after breakfasting heartily of one tomato. Also, o» Saturday,' the 19th inst., the disconsolate icifeof the above, (for the salec of peace and quietness) gave up the ghost at the Evans Mansion, Belgraoia. There being no children by this marriage, the title becomes extinct.

Oil ! sad the mom When, just at dawn, The Major stalking forth to breathe the air ; Beheld a sight Which stunned him quite. And lashed his soul to fury and despair. " Quick ! bring my gun," (His servants run, The thunder of his voice doth make each start-o) " Behold, he said, I'll shoot him dead, The Parson's Peacock's eating a tomato !" Alas ! 'twas true, 'Twixt me and you, The Peacock had, ill his peregrination, With his dear wife, (Pride of his life) Off one tomato made a " cold collation !" Inlei-hidc—Bano ! ! ! Toll the belt, His funeral knell, Sing ye poets, how the hero fell! He spread his tail, And with one wail, One last, prolonged unearthly screech of " Ebo," He fell down dead, His wife she fled, And tremblingly the Major said his " Credo !" Oh! "Evans" weep, Let vengeance sleep, 3?or that long wail meant more than caught the ear, And oft 'twill be, Like "Tipo" he Shall to the Major's awe-struck eyes appear ! That wild " ebo" Shall haunt him so, And keep him in a state of " animato," That night and day, The Major gay, Shall see that peacock eating a tomato ! I