The Observer.

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 27, 19 March 1881, Page 2

The Observer.

Saturday, March 19th, ISSI

With this, our 27th issue, the Observer initiates a new volume, and it will be noticed that advantage has been taken of the occasion to make some rather important alterations in the paper.

In the first place, the method of writing in the first person singular has (save in signed articles) been abandoned. "Well, as the system answers with the " society " papers at home, it doesn't answer here. People, avc have been frequently told, consider the constantly recurring "I " egotistical end conceited. Of course there is really no difference between "we " and " I," but colonials are accustomed to theformer, and as they like it best, it seems desirable to adopt the system.

The success of the Observer, up to the present time, lias been almost phenomenal. No weekly in the colony (save perhaps the Canterbury f l'tmcfi) can touch us in point of circulation, and the advertising columns speak for themselves. It has, however, long been apparent to the proprietary that if this extraordinary good fortune was to "be retained, further attractions would have to be added to the paper. Hitherto we have relied principally on local tittle-tattle and society matters. These are all very well in their way, 'but the majority of readers like a little general news too. It is this belief which has induced us to secure the services of one of the cleverest writers in the Colony on political and financial matters, and to devote considerable space to a judicious selection of condensed general gossip. We have also determined, as soon as ' ' Hunted Down " comes to a close, to drop long three volume tales, and to stick solely to short novelettes, by really famous authors. Other new features will be added from time to time, and every honest endeavour made to secure the permanent favor of the public.

Mr. Stickley's letter, in the Star of Monday last, was a very "lame duck" affair indeed. The lower classes of Auckland may be depraved, but nothing -will make us believe that children of seven and eight years are the demons the excellent Stickley says they are. No, no, the mischief — the real mischief has been done in the Home, and a strict Government enquiry ought to be held into the matter at once. The action of the committee looks as though they wished to burk investigation. If the children who know all about the immorality and its origin are to be forthwith sent out to service, how will it ever be possible to discover the truth. Now the witnesses are together, and can be examined with ease. In a few weeks they will be scattered far and wide, and many important ones may be uii-get-at-able.

Some years ago a young fellow came out from England on a visit to the colonies, and fell in love with a very charming Auckland belle. The lady belonged to one of those families whose mushroom growth has been so astonishing. Her people were very rich and influential in North New Zealand", but they lacked refinement and good breeding, and every where else were "nobodies." At first young K. thought of these things and didn't like the idea of marriage, but eventually the grace and beauty of the girl overcame him and he proposed and was accepted. Strange to say her father wouldn't hear of the match. He said "he wasn't going to let his daughter marry a pauper with only a beggarly £1500 a year," and he turned the young man out of the house without ceremony.

Disconsolate and sorrowing K. proceeded on his travels, and in due course returned to England. Here he found himself the heir to a large fortune and family estate, worth perhaps £10,000 a-year. To write to his inamnratu-n father and tell him the news was the work of an instant, and in a surprisingly short time he received a reply to the effect that the " stern parient" had relented and that the young lady would visit England almost immediately. All this, however, was done without the girl's consent. She, in point of fact, had meanwhile seen an auburn -haired Adonis whom she preferred infinitely to the Englishman, and when her father wired that they were coming to England by an early steamer she cabled privately that she was going to do nothing of the kind. How the story ended whether by the lady marrying the auburn-haired Adonis, or by her returning to her Jirst love deponent sayeth not, but perhaps you can guess.

Mlf. C. J, STONE.

The great social event of the week has, of course, been the Philson wedding, on Monday last. If we have heard one full, true and particular account of lioav this interesting affair was brought to a succesful issue we have heard fifty. _ Every man one meets has his own, strictly veracious version of the story, and as it is invariably backed up by the best authority ("You know, old fellow, my chum Jones knows a girl who is very intimate with a man slightly acquainted with Jim's second cousin, and he told me the whole yarn, so it must be true") it doesn't do to doubt.

The real facts of the ease, however, divested of romance and reduced to the level of vuKar prose are something of this kind. Mr. Philson and Miss Williamson having resolved to <>-et married immediately the former wrote to Tiis fiancee's father, who happened to be up country requesting his permission, but hinting that if it were withheld, the ceremony would still take place. Arrangements were then made for the wedding to come oft* on Monday or Tuesday at the North Shore. In the meantime, however, that somewhat feeble-minded personage, the Key. Mr. Bates, had been prevailed upon not to marry the recalcitrant couple. This, instead of delaying the oonsumation precipitated it, for Mr. Philson not to be balked, quickly procured a new license and got quietly married in Graf ton-road, while those opposed to the proceedings were awaiting him at the North Shore.

Society dearly loves a runaway match, and the general verdict of " currant-jelly ism " on the affair is altogether favourable to the happy culprits. _ The Philson's are a much respected family, Jim is one of the most popular youiK--men in Auckland, and altogether it is difficult to see what more Mr. Williamson could have expected for his daughter. For our part we can only help to swell the paean of congratulations which have been floating Philsonwards during the last few days, and add our hearty good wishes to those of the generality. Mr. >yilliamson will now, we should imagine, show his good sense and good breeding by holdingout the light hand of fellowship to his new son-in-law. What is done cannot be undone and anything like a family feud in a small place like Auckland is the height of folly.

On Monday last we paid a visit to the Wliau Asylum, and thanks to the kindness of Dr Young and Mr. Thomas Mactfavlaue, saw all over the establishment. Space Mill not permit of our describing at length what occurred, in this issue, but next week a special article will be devoted to the subject.

JIM IMIILSOX,

It is the curse of that fine body of men, the Auckland police, that there arc had eggs amongst them who are constantly bringing them into disrepute. ATo Aroha miner sends me a most extraordinary story of ill treatment. It appears that about the 10th of January this man was arrested at the diggings on a charge of wife desertion, and forthwith brought to town, being, however, locked up for no less than three uiyhts (viz., at Paeroa, the Thames, and Auckland) on the way. When, at length, he was arraigned at the Police Court, there turned out to be no case against him, and the charge was dismissed. Mr. JJarstow told the unfortunate man he ought to be very much obliged to the police for their kindness to his wife. Strange to say he doesn't agree with his "Worship, lie declares, in point of fact, that some of the police were too kind to his wife, and that it would have suited them all over to have got him safely locked up out of the way. One man he declares, under pretence of helping the good lady, took her to a bad house in ■ street, and other active and intelligent constables also made overtures of a similar nature. The letter is too strong- to publish, but .Sergeant Pardy can sec it if he likes.

That it is ; necessary to be a little careful what you say, even when you're indulging in a jollification, will be gathered from the following veracious history of a casualty which occurred to a Waikato settler not many days ago. This gentleman came to town for "a spree," and, like most thorough going country men, he enjoyed himself properly. In the course of sundry peregrinations he visited the — Hotel, and being, for the moment, amorously inclined, fell head over heels in love with the barmaid. The young lady, however, would have nothing to say to him, and drove him so mad that after six or seven whiskies he ofl'erred to marry her, and suggested that she should accompany him home to the Waikato on the following Friday morning. Well, Friday morning arrived, and our friend with achinghead and empty pockets, was sitting in a first-class carriage at the Auckland station, wishing the Waikato train would start. Suddenly, who should drive tip in a cab, with all her boxes on the top, but his charmer, the barmaid, fully prepared to accompany him home and share his bed and board henceforward. In an instant Mr. • — sprung out of the carriage, and before the barmaid could do or say anything he explained to her that to-tnorron: was the day he had asked her to go with him. She didn't appear over well satisfied with the put-off, but eventually was persuaded to go back to business pro ton, and her lover, released from surveillance, slipped away home by the afternoon train. What the barmaid said when she discovered the hoax, deponent sayeth not.

Another of New Zealand's worthies has gone to his rest. Colonel Nation was one of a few who did much to give a high tone to New Zealand life in the rougher and earlier days of the Colony. Educated, eiined, and with a iarge experience of life and of society, he and men like him did incalculable good. They had the inborn delicacy of feeling and sense of honour which mark the true gentleman, and their example and influence did much to leaven the mixed mass by which they were surrounded. Gentle, kindly, and considerate, full of zeal in all that he undertook, disliking useless parade, and hating vulgar ostentation, Colonel Nations friends included all Avho had the privilege of knowing him. His long and honourable career in India disposed him to seek quiet rather than politicial distinction in this Colony. He came forward at the solicitation of the burgesses when that borough was created, and held the office of Mayor to the great content of the people, whom he worthily represented. Peace to his ashes. A good man has gone to his rest, but his memory will be cherished for many years by the friends and admirers whom he has left behind him. In their name we otter our respectful sympathy ro his family in the bereavement that has fallen upon them.

Like the lamented George Eliot the Czar of Russia has been widowed, married, and buried all within a twelvemonth. He was a facile, self-indulgent man and drank deeply of late years. His great tipple is said to have been Muibtebcllo champagne of which he used to put away half-a-dozen bottles at times. The great passion of Alexander's life was undoubtedly his love for the Princess Dologourouki whose brilliant wit and unfailing good temper and vivacity were in marked contrast to the late Czarina's solemn bigotry and austerity. After his marriage with her the Czar cheered up wonderfully, and he has been punctilious in exacting for her and her children the strictest homage. The position of the Princess is not very enviable now, as the new Emperor detests her, but she will have plenty of money and her children are to take Imperial rank.

About Grant & Foster again. We see that Capt. Steele is of opinion the Government should not dispute with them over the land they are good enough to buy at a low price and 011 exceptionally easy terms, at Te Aroha. He thinks the Government would do Avell if the land had even been given to them. If we were land agents, or landed proprietors anxious to sell, our views would probably be in the same direction. We should cry out for the introduction of capital by all means and at all costs to the rest of the community. But being only journalists, whose duty it is to look°at all things in their public aspect, we cannot see how the transfer of six or seven thousand pounds from Mr. Barugh to Mr. Leslie is to be regarded as of paramount public importance, if Mr. Leslie were bound to remain in the country there would be a certain small public gain. But Mr. Leslie is not bound to do so and while we are glad to think that he has probably done very well we cannot see that the policy 'of the Government or of the Waste Lands Board can be justifiably moulded by such consideration. It won't do Capt. ISteele, even though it might bring some very good customers into the country. There are other ways surely of doing this without giving to new comers undue a<£ vantage over those who have spent years in paving the way for them.

The Domain Board have appointed Mr. Fenton to be chairman. It is a bold step, considering the awful mess which Mr. Fenton and his colleagues made of the Barrack .Reserve, entrusted to their care as "Improvement Commissioners." They improved this noble endowment ofl" the face of the earth, and were glad at last to get the City Council to take it over encumbered with debt so heavily that it will be of little or no value for many years to come. We hope Mr. Fenton will be found to have profited by his experience in that case. If not, the Domain Board will have to take care.

Like most people we have always thought Mr. \\ . J. Hurst a preposteriously conceited imbecile, but we were scarcely prepared to see his vulgar blatancy cany him to the lengths it did at the Police Court the other day. Who we should like to know, is W. J. Hurst that he dares to lay down the law on free thought and blackguard a man in open court because Ins conscience forbids him to take an oath. Tilings must be coming (o a pretty pass when boobies of this calibre arc allowed to sit on the bench to dispense law and the sooner the J.P. roll is purged— and well purged too— the better it will lie.

That dear old Herald is in raptures at the imprisonment of seventy Irishmen under the Coercion Act, and at the heroic vigour displayed hy the Home Oilice in opening letters entrusted to it for transmission through the post. We cannot share the raptures. It seems to us that free governments .should rest on the affection of their people. When obliged to resort to such measures there must be a screw— and a very great serew — loose somewhere.

Lieutenant S., of the Engineers, was filled with martial ardour last week by the announcement in the papers that several hundred volunteers at Adelaide had ottered to go to South Africa for the purpose of lighting the Boers. He became seized with an uncontrollable desire to proceed thither himself without delay, at the head of the New Zealand detachment', and accordingly he started to canvass the project with his friends. (Ireatly to his chagrin he found that there was but little chance of reaching the scene of action with his beloved sappers and miners, for being nearly all married men they were indisposed to break up their homes and go in quest of military glory. They were too practical — they preferred the quieter and more accessible glory of winning an occasional money prize at the rifle range, and of delighting the female heart by their periodical pageants. The gallant lieutenant, repressing his manly disdain of the carpet knights, then thought he could raise from the various local corps a sufficient number of adventurous spirits to form a decent company. But alas ! the illusory character of human expectations was once more made manifest to him. No one would go, everyone was governed by the sordid considerations of pelf, while some were ungracious enough to insinuate that he would have to study the drill book for a year or two before he could occupy the grade of a commissioned officer. The news of Earl Kimberley's rejection of the South Australian warriors' otter, completed the worthy man's discomforture, and he is now contemplating a retirement. "Oh ! the degeneracy of the times, my masters, the degeneracy of the times. '

ME. A. V. MACDONALD.

A painful case of mistaken identity is reported to have occurred a few nights ago, and the facts connected with it point forcibly to the unpleasantness which may arise through a parent not knowing his own child. It .appears that a respectable citizen lias had occasion of late to remonstrate with his daughter for keeping out late at night, but finding that his remonstrances had no effect he determined to watch and see where shewent to. Accordingly he followed her out one night, and saw her join a young fellow whom he knew to be respectable, but he determined to

carry out his intention of watching her, making up his mind to keep at such a distance as to be safe from recognition. He followed the loving couple about for a considerable time, until they at lenght turned into a well-known avenue of trees. Having- previously told his daughter not to visit such places at night, he naturally became wrathful, and quickening his pace he came up to the couple, the outline of whose figures only could be seen in the dark. Rushing up to the girl he boxed her ears well, and then turned on the young fellow, who was just showing right. The two pummelled each other well for two or three minutes, hen, in thepause which followed, it occurred * .ie father that the cries uttered by the young huty were not like his Mary's, and on looking further into the matter he found that he had been following the wrong couple. He attempted to apologise, but the couple wouldn't listen to him, and vowed to have legal revenge. When he arrived at home he found that his Mary had got there an hour and a half before him. More of this allair maybe expected shortly.

GU3 COATES.

The ascent of Rangitoto is not very easy, and it is certainly not the sort of journey one would like to take in one's stocking-feet. There are various routes to the top, -which are composed of very rough lumps of scoria, varying in size from that of a donkey's head to that of J. M. Lennox's office. The ascent occupies an hour, some people having taken a little more, and some few a little less than that time. A party of three started, a few weeks ago, to achieve the ascent. They made a fair start on one of the usual tracks, and made good progress for a short distance, hut before long they got off the track, which they did not regain for some time. Similar mishaps occurred time after time, the consequence being that they did not reach the summit of the hill until twenty minutes past two, three hours and twenty minutes after they had started. Fortunately they had taken some provisions with them, so they sat down and partook of their well-earned repast, enjoying the magnificent view the while. After their meal and a rest they began to retrace their steps, or rather to attempt to do so. They soon found, however, that they had mistaken their way. The luckless youths wandered about hither and thither and after a while darkness came on to make matters worse. Still they wandered on, striving to reach the seashore. It was midnight before they did so, only to find that their boat, in which they had left their tent and their blankets, could not be seen. After seeking for it for some time, they had to abandon the search, and though the night was wet, lie down in the scrub and go to sleep. Moral — do not attempt to ascend Rangitoto without a guide.

Some people manage to develope a strong taste for using large words, the meanings of which they do not understand, and which often sound extremely ridiculous. An instance of this was afforded in the llesident Magistrate's Court the other day at the expense of a wellknown Queen-street storekeeper. He was giving evidence in a small debt case, and referring to the shop diary, he said he "invariably " made the entries himself. "And does your shopman never enter anything in the diary." "Of course he does, "replied the witness. "Then why did you say that you invariably made them," queried the inqusitive lawyer. "So I do," retorted the excited witness. Light appeared to dawn on the mind of the lawyer, and assuming his most suave manner, he asked, "Now, Mr. Blank, would you be kind enough to give us your definition of "invariably." " Yes, 1 will," was the reply, "It means now and again, or generally." A hearty laugh followed, but I doubt if the witness knows even yet what caused the merriment. If he does not, it would be as well for him to look up his Webster.

The folloAving extraordinary epistle has just come to hand : —

Chambers, 42 Queen-street, loch March, 1881. Sir,— l have had my attention called to a notice of me which appears in the Observer of the 12th instant, in which I consider that my character has been attacked in a most unwarrantable manner. Acting- under the advice of friends, in whose judgment I place coniideuce, I now demand from you an immediate explanation in writing, in language which will admit of no dubiety, what you meant when you presumed to make the statement / can command favors from ladies, ivlrieh many a younger man pines for in vain. In

making this application I pass over the subject of the caricature, which I believe to be libellous in itself, if I am in error in this, then it certainly becomes a libellous publication when all is taken and considered together, and I have to request that considering my position here, that portion which I feel to be the sting, and most injurious part of the procedure be removed m the way I have indicated. Failing your compliance I must place the matter in the hands of my solicitors. — I am, sir, your obedient servant, John M. Mowbray.

On reading the above our first idea was that some "funny dawg" had been using Mr. Mowbray's name for the purpose of playing a practical joke upon us. That an elderly gentleman, approaching seventy years of age, whose thoughts are presumably the reverse of salacious, could deliberately place on a friendly compliment a double meaning of the most indelicate and improper description, seemed altogether incredible. Even now Aye can scarcely believe it. Good heavens ! what prurient and utterly beastly minds those friends "on whose judgment Mr. Mowbray places confidence " must have. We are not particularly straightlaced ourselves, but rather than be of the class who spend life in routing out douhle entendres, and finding in innocent pleasantries, pornographic nastinesses, we would commit suicide.

The caricature of Mr. Mowbray which appeared in our last issue had lain in our drawer for nearly five months. It was one of the best things ever sent us, but for fear of giving pain to a very kind and hospitable family, we, for a long time, refrained from publishing it. At length several people urged us to let it he by no longer. They declared Mr. Mowbray was a sensible man and would thoroughly enjoy the joke, and that there was not the slightest danger of its hurting anybody's feelings. As these assurances came from a reliable quarter we determined to risk publication, but the caricature being a little "rough," it was resolved to tone it down with a few words of appropriate compliment. The editor scribbled these off in a hurry, and thought no more about the matter till Mr. Mowbray ! s extraordinary letter was put into his hand.

Mr. Mowbray asks what we meant by saying that he "can command favours which many younger men pine for in vain."— Well, if he must know, we meant simply this, that a good natured girl is very often glad to do little kindnesses for a nice old gentleman and will [refuse the company of a younger man in order to sing him a favourite song, or read to him, or play chess, or draughts, or backgammon with him. No pure minded man or woman would, we are sure, interpret the words in the grossly indecent way Mr. Mowbray's immaculate friends appear to have done, we don't know who these worthies are, and we don't want to. It is, however, quite evident that their minds and thoughts are libidinous and erotic, and that they attribute to others the same disgraceful and disgusting impurities as they indulge in themselves.

As for withdrawing or retracting the sentence of which Mr. Mowbray complains, we distinctly decline to do anything of the kind. The words will not bear the filthy construction he and his friends have put on them, and we defy him to prove a libel. Let him go to his solicitor and be — blessed.

The progress of the age is shortly to be illustrated by an organisation of " most respected " citizens and citizenesses, the aim of which will be of benefit to the entire community. It will be styled a Matrimonial Bureau, and be presided over by a Board of Directors, twelve in number— six of each sex— the President and Secretary being ladies. The mode of procedure will be as follows : Should members not desire to use the privileges of the institution personally, they can place the name of any friend, male or female, on the books. When the day appointed arrives applications are examined, data placed on file, and after a searching inquiry as to character, financial ability, etc., an interview will be arranged whereby both parties applying may satisfy themselves of the desirability of a match. If satisfactory, a bonus of £20 will be paid by the contracting parties. This, it is believed, will do an immense amount of good in the community. Bashful bachelors and unsought virgins will thus have a chance. To those among the men — and their name is legion — who have for years been playing fast and loose with some girl, not quite wishing to give her up, nor yet to many, the opportunity offered of ridding himself of a responsibility and getting the young lady settled is invaluable. One department will be under the charge of the "bully of the establishment, whose office it will be to terrify backward swains into decisive action. A skillful attorney, from Vulcan Lane, who has much experience in amatory matters, has been engaged who will attend to the "breach of promise" branch, so that no lady need hereafter smart under blighted affections. By an application to the Bureau wrongs Avill be redressed, and justice done — if not by matrimony, by its equivalent, coin.

The Liberty — a Society paper published in Christchurch — thus refers to the doings of some "C.T.'s" in that city: — The two commercial travellers have concluded their duty. They have paid their parting tribute to the Simon sen Opera ladies. The farewell outing was a success. They all saw ' furious life ' on Sunday last. The drive out in the handsomely appointed carriage and pair was enjoyable. On arrival at their destination they feasted and made merry — in fact, lived at the rate of something like £10,000 a-year — for about two seconds. A friend of the 'C.T.'s' said the commission on the sale of glass and clothing would have to be raised if they were to meet this troupe any more. It is too hard on them, though, to be made two Marks to fire at in this expensive manner.