The Observer.

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 21, 5 February 1881, Page 204

The Observer.

Saturday, February sth, IBBL

If what I hear he true, the Governor's conduct at fiotorua was far more snobbish and reprehensible than even the Herald stated. It appears on His Excellency's arrival at the Kotorua Hotel, Mr. Graham paid him a visit and said the residents wished to give a ball in his honour ; what night and hour would be .suitable ? Instead of replying courteously, the representative of Her Majesty baAvled, " I'll have nothing whatever to do with it," in such a rude uncouth manner that Mr. Graham instantly withdrew from the room. Of course the residents felt much insulted at this rebuff, but they nevertheless resolved to give the ball, hoping perhaps that when His Excellency came to think over the matter, he woxild change his mind. On the night of the dance, when every-, thing was prepared, a message was sent up begging the presence of his company — if only for a few minutes - but to this the reply was a blunt and unadorned, yet most emphatic, "NO."

■ <b Equally ungentlemanly, and far more injudicious, was Sir Arthur's conduct to a band of more than 300 natives, who had got themselves up specially, and come many weary miles, solely to cheer the representative of Her Majesty. Mr. Graham informed His Excellency of their advent, and asked him to name the time for a meeting, which, after much petulant demur, he consented to do. The hour arrived and passed, and the natives waited patiently. At length, after keeping them for nearly a whole day, he cooly sent word that he wouldn't see them. Nice, wasn't it?

As for the Maori Princess, whom Sir Arthur refused to shake hands with after entering her house, she was so insulted that she wanted to strike the Governor, and was with difficulty restrained from so doing by Captain Mair. What Hin Excellency means by behaving in this extraordinary and maniacal' manner, it is difficult to conceive. No royal prince would, I venture tcr think, have dared to be so unwarrantably rude.

Considering what an awfully jolly place Waiwera is, it seems odd that mare Aucklauders do not go there from Saturday to Momday. Two of us made the trip last week and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. The hotel is excellently managed, the cuisine homely and capitally cooked, and the arrangements as nearly as possible faultless. What I like abont the j>lace is the exquisite freshness and cleanliness of everything. After hot, dusty, smutty

Auckland it seemed to me positively revivifying, and even the horrors of lying on one's back dead sea-sick in the cabin of the "Rose Casey " were forgotten in the happy restfulness of the subsequent afternoon and evening. The landing at Waiwera is undoubtedly the difficulty, and one couldn't help thinking that if Mr. Grahame had . spent his money in building a wharf and otherwise improving his property there, he wrald have liad quicker returns than lie will ever get at Rotorua. No doubt a fortune is to be made at the Lakes someday, biit before that time comes the means of access -nil have to be considerably facilitated. Now • Waiwera could -without difficulty be got within iin hour and a half of Auckland, and given a promenade pier, an esplanade, a band, a winter garden and all the other easily collated delights of a fashionable seaside Avatering place, I behave it 'might indeed would become the rage. Miss Grahame makes a perfect hostess, and considering how incongruous many of the elements are, the guests shake down together wonderfully well.

Ketten's encores prove very perplexing to his audiences or at least to considerable proportions of them. The result is that when the penultimate or perhaps ante-penultimate item is reached, more than half the elite rise to depart in the confident belief that all is over. While they are en route to the door however, Ketten usually reappears, and they experience the consequent mortification of being found at fault. I was greatly amused the other night by a mistake arising from the same cause. I was sitting in front of two ladies and a gentleman who were criticising the performance in a very audible tone so as to attract general attention to themselves. Unfortunately for them they mistook an encore selection for one of the numbers on the programme, and the result was that they set down the gifted performer's romance "Espoir" as a Turkish March, thus disclosing their dense ignorance of the subject, to the intense amusement of better informed listeners.

The local apostles of temperance possess plenty of zeal, but rather a scant supply of courtesy. A certain professor of singing, who snail be nameless, rented from their secretary some months ago the ante-room of the Albertatreet Hall one hour per week for the purpose of a singing class. Whilst in the midst of a lesson, a week or two since, he was startled by a loud battering at the door, and, on opening it, was surprised by the inward rush of half-a-dozen excited individuals, who, in a loud and blustering tone, commanded him to dismiss the class instanter, as the room Avas wanted. Nettled by such *an ungracious intrusion, and angered by so peremptory an order, the man of quavers and crotchets resolutely demurred to "the little arrangement," and invited his unwelcome visitors to depart until the expiry of his stipulated term. They seemed for a moment inclined to resort to harsher measures, but the resolute attitude of a few young bloods in the class had a mollifying effect, and the brethren of the crystal spring left. On the following week the professor received notice that the contract had been determined, and that he could not be allowed to occupy the anteroom any longer. If this not an instance of petty, childish and unreasoning spitefulness, I atn at a loss to know how to designate it.

Mr. Macrae, of the Grammar school, is popularly (though I hope mistakenly) credited with the authorship of the clever and caustic but somewhat offensively personal leader which appeared in the Herald, apropos of the Governors' recent resolution. The writer of that effusion asked, "Who is this Mr. Fenton?" and the answer that naturally comes to one's lips is, "The Chief Judge of the Native Lands Court, the Vice-President of the Choral Society, an ex-member of the Legislature, and an old colonist." Would it be equally easy to answer the question, "Who is this Mr. Macrae?" I trow not. The most a truthful man could say ■vrould be that he is the brother-in-law of Judge Gillies, and that fact doesn't seem to impress most people as it ought.

If ever there was a flagrant case of " the pot calling the kettle black " it occurred the other day when the Star in a leader full of the purest and most unadulterated, well, let us say, plain English, pitched into the Herald for indulging in a similar luxury. The subject was nominally the resolution of the Grammar School Governors above referred to, but in reality it was a battle royal over the character of Judge Fenton. According to the Herald Mr. Fenton is a malevolent nobody attempting by very devious courses to do an old enemy an ill turn. The Star on the other hand upholds His Honor as a pure and upright public man full of the noblest aspirationa, and ready, Brutus-like, to sacrifice a friend (such as dear Mr. Macrae, for instance) on the altar of public weal. Now my humble opinion is that Mr. Fenton is neither so black as the Herald would have him, nor so angelic as the Star asserts, but that he is just a commonplace man anxious to do right, but liable to mix up private aniimis with public affairs. His "Pecksniffian snuffle," when accused by a plain speaking lawyer of spite, may have seemed genuine enough to his own conscience, but knowing what people do about his differences with Macrae, they can scarcely be expected to believe to swallow the "entirely for the public good " touch.

A young spark, who prides himself upon hie scholastic attainments, and who never misses an opportunity of displaying his erudition, received a quiet but highly effective snub the other day. He was conversing with two young ladies, when one of them, in instituting a comparison between two objects, hastily remarked, " This one of course is the best." The gentlemanly young person to whom the observation was addressed was immediately seized with a lit of prolonged and immoderate laughter. Noticing a passing friend, he called to him to come and see a highly accomplished young lady who could commit with equanimity the solecism of saying "the best of two." The accosted friend had no sooner joined the group than the young lady under notice very quietly observed, "I am greatly obliged to Mr. for his welltimed correction of my defective grammar. I know I should have said, ' ' better " instead of best. Mr. 's grammar may be perfect, but his manners certainly are not." Mr. could not see the humour of this sally, and consequently did not laugh. The others, however, smiled acquiescence.

Mr. Tyler never loses tlie chance of "getting oft" a witticism or of cracking a joke, no matter under what circumstances the opportunity presents itself, or to whose discomfiture it may be used. Towards the close of the parishioners' meeting in St. Paul's Cathedral last week, when nearly all the votes of thanks had been passed, the rev. chairman (Mr. Nelson) rose, and, in a mysterious speech, reminded those present that in their acknowledgments of services rendered, they had wholly forgotten one, and perhaps the most important branch of church work — a branch without which all their exertions would be in vain. He would not mention names, but would leave it to their minds to suggest what he meant. A long and awkward pause ensued. Then Mr. Tyler, with the utmost gravity, arose and said that it had just dawned upon his mind what the chairman's decorous modesty forbade him from more than delicately hinting at. He had therefore much pleasure in moving a cordial vote of thanks to the incumbent. Mr. Nelson had been expecting anything but this, and his visage consequently underwent an unusual elongation, while the parishioners laughed long and loudly, Mr. Tyler leading off a fresh guffaAv each time the fun seemed to flag. At length the chairman was heard to disavow the construction sought to be put upon his simple reminder. He did not know whether his modesty was equal to liis learned friend's, but at any rate he had not suggested the passing of a vote of thanks to himself.

This was not by any means the worthy barrister's only effort on that particular evening. He and Mr. Dargaville were the most frequent speakers at the meeting, and at length their loquacity became so noticeable that every time they rose, an infections little titter from the back seats became audible. On the last occasion that Mr. Dargaville sought to address the chair, he apologised for his niimerous sets of remarks. Mr. Tyler was obliged soon afterwards to unburden his mind of some weighty reflections, and, as a deprecatory preface to his discourse, he took the opportunity of reminding hie hearers, glancing the while very significantly towards Mr. Dargaville, that "one fool makes many." Mr. Dargaville bore the application of the proverb good naturedly and with what composure he could summon to his aid, but the mirth of the meeting seriously disconcerted him. |

Even the acrimonious debates of the Grammar School Board of Governors are occasionally enlivened by a funnyism or two which prove all the more acceptable from their rarity. At a recent meetingthe chairman was supportingwith turgid eloquence the proposal to obtain a roll of Grammar School boys from the time of the School's foundation, and, in the course of his remarks, he said that it would be a very interesting thing to note which lads had risen to eminence, which had sought and gained parliamentary honours, which had gone to the bar, etc. Thereupon Mr. Fenton, without the merest flicker of a smile upon his solemn countenance, meekly enquired — "Which side' of the bar do you mean, Sir George?" Sir George paused, but did not vouchsafe a reply.

I have heard that the member of a certain Mutual Improvement Association who had elected to write "A Plea for Lot's "Wife," has given up the intention in consequence of the reference made to it in the Observer a few weeks ago. He is now thinking of taking as his subject, "A Plea for Matrimony."

In the last number of the Observer I mentioned an instance of some of the amusing blunders committed at the Governor's Levee, and, in order to give assurance of the bona fide character of the circumstances, I went so far as to supply the initials of the person referred to, viz., "G. I." Now, whether my caligraphy was illegible, or whether the printer was malevolently disposed towards me or some unfortunate "G. J.," I will not say, but at any rate he inserted a J for an I, and I have been in mortal dread ever since. There are not more than two or three G. I.'s in the community, but the G. J.'sare numerous, formidable and pugnacious. Each and everyone of them imagines that ho is the particular person referred to, and I can pretty accurately pick them out in the street by noticing the unmistakable significance of the looks with Avhich they regard me. There are a great many estimable G. J.s whom I would not quarrel with for .the world ; therefore I take this opportunity of disclaiming any intention to offend them. The printer alone is responsible.

Mr. Dargaville attributes Ids baldness to the draught which enters by the north-eastern door of St. Paul's Church, and circulates through the pew that he has uninterruptedly occupied for the last iifteen years. 80 he plaintively informed the vestry in requesting them to be good enough to place a screen in front of the afore-mentioned entrance. He further said that when he first occupied his present seat in the church, he had a luxuriant growth of hair, but that slowly and surely the fatal atmospheric currents have dried xip and killed forever the pristine hirsute vigour of his scalp. He noted the same phenomenon in the cases of Mr. Von dor Heyde and others who were accustomed to sit in liis immediate vicinity. After this pathetic representation the Vestry should not hesitate to order the much required screen.

It is an admitted fact that there are many obstacles thrown in the way of volunteering pursuits in this colony, and our citizen soldiery are continually recounting the difficulties which they have to overcome in order to secure their own success — individually and collectively — in the service. But a good story, which come to my ears the other day, illustrated at least one of the troubles which a raw recruit has sometimes to endure. Young B. was seized with strong military ardour, and his desire to wear a blue uniform, carry a gun, and to be put through his movements by Major Derrom, became so strong that he finally joined one of our most promising corps. He was presented with a gun and bayonet, and had an order given him for a complete suit of regimentals. His intense longing was now gratified, and Volunteer B. determined to become efficient and shine in the ranks. He was not a good marksman, and consequently he determined to indulge in regular practice. With that object in view, he invested all his pocket money in ammunition, and one evening he marched home with a large sized package of ball cartridges. Had he been content to have allowed his new possession to remain a secret, he might not have been so nnfortiuiate ; but with the object of overawing and frightening his sister, he boastfully told her of the large quantity of valuable powder stowed away in his bedroom. The news quickly spread amongst the female members of the household, and a council of war was held, at which it was decided to destroy the explosive properties of the powder, and thus save the family dwelling from a sudden but accidental elevation. When the coast was clear, a bucket of water was procured, and, tremblingly, the anxious sister convej'ed the dangerous cartridges to the spot, holding them well away from her body with the assistance of the tongs. They were dropped into the bucket and allowed to remain there all night, and next morning they were neatly wrapped in a brown paper parcel and deposited m their original hiding Elace. Ido not know whether voliinteer B. as been making good scores at his target practice recently, but if he has not he will know the reason why.

A certain very charming young lady, whose new dress was referred to in the Observer a fortnight ago, is charged, by a correspondent, with wearing borrowed plumes. Her dress was a fac simile of the garments worn by the bridesmaids at a recent fashionable wedding at All Saints'. Miss was a spectator at the wedding, and was so much struck with the bridesmaids' dresses, that she immediately had one made for herself exactly similar. She wore it in church the next Sunday, appeared in it on the racecourse and secured a notice in the Observer; wherefore the bridesmaids are wroth. I can just faintly imagine how galling

it is to the feminine heart to be deprived of the credit of devising a tasteful dress, but the young ladies, one of whom detailed to me the foregoing particulars, should comfort themselves with the reflection that imitation is the sincerest flattery, and that Miss has reallypaid the highest possible compliment to. their taste and skill.

The rescue of the luckless passenger by the "Waitaki" at.the Watchman on Wednesday night week was a far pluckier affair than one would imagine from the Star's account. It ap. pears that a heavy sea was running at the time and that the place is renowned for sharks. These facts however didn't deter Capt. Aubrey from at once leaping overboard when he saw a short-sighted passenger step from the paddle-box of the tender " Annie Milbank " into the sea. The man couldn't swim a stroke, but Aubrey caught him promptly by the back of the neck and gave him a rope. He was then hauled on board and Aubrey was about to follow when he saw that the sailors on board the "Waitaki" (where some confusion existed) were going to drop a boat straight on his head. This obliged him to dive, and he was sucked under the steamer. Eventually, however, assistance reached him and he was got safe on board. Surely this is a case for a medal of the Koyal Humane Society. Aubrey once before saved a man's life under similar circumstances, and those who saw the rescue on Wednesday week say they wouldn't have jumped overboard in such a sea between two pitching vessels for £500.

Scene.— Office of the Bank of New Zealand in a small country town, PEKSON^E, — Bank officer with hands in his pockets, anxiously waiting for the arrival of a stray customer. Enter Customer. Customer, "Please Sir, have you any money in the Bank. " 8.0., (looking alarmed), " Yes, I think a little, but why do you ask?" Customer, (pulling out dirty scrap of paper), "Because I have got a cheque for JES from old Jones who gave it to me the other day and asked me not to present it for a day or two as there was no money in the Bank. 8.0., (after turning up the ledger), says, "I think there is enough to pay that," and hands over five other equally dirty scraps of paper repre» senting bank notes. Customer, much relieved asks 8.0. to adjourn to the pub opposite where he meets a few friends and tells the joke much to the discomforture of Customer.

It was a revivalist meeting in one of the diggings townships in California. The meeting was held in the theatre, which was the largest huilding in the place. The revivalist preacher was holding forth to a large number of " miserable sinners," some of whom had an undoubted right to the title. A digger walked into the theatre to see what sort of performance was foing on there, on Sunday evening, and sat own. It was the custom of the diggers to wear their hats in the theatre, so this digger did not remove his. Presently one of the most "miserable sinners" in the place, who had been converted, went from the stage to where the digger was sitting, and asked him to take off his hat. He did so at once. Soon it occurred to him that he would smoke a cigar. He lit one, and Avas enjoying it when the before* mentioned converted "miserable sinner" went to him and asked him not to smoke. He threw his cigar out of the nearest window, and sat still until the service was ended. Then the revivalist invited all Avho felt inclined to do so, to remain to a prayer-meeting. A number of new converts did so, as did the digger, who wanted to see what it was like. The converts sat on or near the stage. The revivalist talked to them for some time, and then he discovered the digger sitting at the back of the theatre. He walked to where he was, and said, "My friend, have you felt the change ?" The digger put his hand first in one pocket, then in another, and then answered, "Not a darned cent., boss, but they'll trust me at any of the bars if you'll come out and take a drink." The offer was declined with thanks, so the digger went out to look for some more genial "crony."

The other day, as Captain S. was returning from town to his house in Onehunga, he and his daughter were the only occupants of the 'huss. The gallant captain, who is a great smoker, pulled out his pipe, a genuine T.D., and proceeded to puff away. He was in the height of his enjoyment when a person, eyidently a Wesleyan, became a passenger, and immediately on entering the 'buss requested the captain to put out his pipe, but the captain was equal to the occasion, and said, "Ihave already obtained permission to smoke from the only lady present, and therefore if it is on her account you need not be alarmed." Then the daughter, turning to the parson said, "I do so love smoking." I daresay the Rev. D. will let the captain smoke in peace in future.

Not long ago I drew attention to two A r ery unfair articles that appeared in the Auckland Herald re the Vesey Stewart No. 3 party. One of those articles entered minutely into the reasons why this 3rd party must be a signal failure, showing amongst other things that this member, that member, and the other member, mentioning them all by name, could not P oss *- foly expect to succeed, as whole families had only taken up some ten, others twelve, and others again fifteen acres only between them, and arguing very plausibly (but as subsequent events have shown, most unfairly,) that a family of twelve or fourteen persons without means could not by any possibility expect to make a living on ten acres of land at Te Puke. I was convinced that this apparent flaw in Stewart's scheme would be satisfactorily explained, not that I had heard anything at all about the matter but simply from knowing that Stewart himself was not an idiot, and that he must have been stark staring mad to have done what the Herald credited him with doing. It now turns out that these families have all considerable means, and that they purchased only these small quantities of land ?'n order to qualify themselves as Te Puke settlers. They did not wish to buy "a pig in a poke" so having qualified themselves as settlers they waited like wise men, until they had seen the country before finally deciding upon the quantity they would take" up. So much for the Herald's malicious stories. It would be instructive to know who wrote those articles, and for what reason they were written. Mr. Stewart publicly accused Mr. G. M. Reed of being either the author or the instigator of them, and that they were written for the purpose of assisting that worthy no one can doubt. The Herald has undoubtedly woefully misled its readers as regards the position in which Mr. Reed's own special settlement block (the Ponawa at Gisborne) at present stands. According to my contemporary the native title is extinguished and everything smooth and comfortable, and the inference to be drawn from the Herald's remarks, is, that those settlers who think of joining Mr. Reed's party can go down, select, and occupy their land. Now, the real facts of the case are, that at the time of writing, the native title has not been extinguished. Moreover it is quite on the cards that the block might remain, as far as the title is concerned, in its present unsatisfactory state for months or even years. I saw a telegram yesterday (Wednesday) from a gentleman in Auckland interested in Mr. Reed's block. The question asked was, "Has Mr. Reed now got a clear title to his land?" The reply returned was, "No, nor is he ever likely to. " "Does the Herald think it either fair or becoming on the part of the leading journal (!) to humbug the public by painting in extravagant coideurde roseone scheme, whilst it runs doAvn and attempts to damage another and seemingly a better one.