REGATTA DAY.

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 21, 5 February 1881, Page 208

REGATTA DAY.

"SILENUS" ON BOARD THE "LADY JOCELYN."

Dear Observer, — Last Saturday, having raised the necessary " spoudulex " for the purchase of a ticket to go on board the ilagship, I found myself about half-past ten wending my way in the direction of Queen-street W harf. Near Shortland-street I overtook one of the Dcvil's-own, in the form of a genial man of law

and litigation, and, finding lie was bound for the "Lady Jocelyn," Aye fraternised and proceeded on our way. "When opposite the Auckland Club my friend said, " Come in; I want to see if there are any letters." We went in, and I certainly was not aware until then that the above remark was the latest method of asking you to pxit yourself outside some liquor, but we live and learn ; and after receiving the "letters," which were of the most exhilarating nature, in the shape of "cocktails," we continued our journey to the wharf, embarking on board a small and not particularly clean steamer, and were speedily placed alongside of the "Lady Jocelyn," which bore the same comparison to the steamer as St. Paul's Cathedral in London would to St. Paul's Cathedral in Auckland. The getting on board involved an exhibition of lower extremities and acrobatic attainments that few persons expected they were possessed of until they found themselves endeavouring to reach the'upper deck of the " Lady Jocelyn." As, in addition to my voyage here, I occasionally used to go to Gravesendin one of the penny steamers. I rather pride myself on my seafaring knowledge, and, to show I knew something about it, I caught hold of the slack end of the lee scuppers and sprang up the dolphin-striker, that is, I believe, the correct nautical phraseology. My legal friend not being used to sailorising, desired the captain to send down a capias ad satisfaciendum. I thought at first he wanted some more refreshment, and, as he speaks the Maori language, imagined he was asking for a reviver in that tongue. It appears, however, I was wrong ; he merely wanted to be taken up in a satisfactory way, which was done, and we found ourselves on board, surrounded by beauties, buxom and blooming, who crowded the deck of this magnificent vessel. I soon discovered that about the tenth part of the fair sex on board had come to see the Kegatta, the remainder had evidently come to be seen, and had I "Eva's" knowledge of dress, I might venture to describe some of the costumes, many of which were remarkably recherche, while others were noticeable for their extreme simplicity, neatness, and good taste. Two bands were on board to enliven the proceedings -the

Hobson Band (a very good one) and the Ship's Band, which consisted of a concertina and- t\fo drums, artistically manufactured from an old cask covered with sheepskin. The two discoursed most excellent music, which attracted crowds during the day. The Hobson Band had the post of honour amidships, and, on the arrival of any wming boat, duly heralded the event by playing what seemed to me to be a conglomeration of M God Bless the Prince of Wales," "The Dead March in Saul," and "See the Conquering Hero Comes ;" but my opinion on the matter is not of much value, as I do not understand a note of music, and, as everyone appeared to like it, I suppose it Avas all right. 11l addition to the music, the advent of the winner was also notilied by the tiring of a field piece, worked by two martial-looking Artillery men, who expended a large amount of powder during the day, and elicited any amount of " Oh dears " from the "dear timid creatures," as each report shook the vessel ; but it added greatly to the enjoyment of everybody, for when the "female dear creature " would ejaculate in a sort of half scream, " Oh dear," given somewhat after the fashion one of the interior sex would say, "Oh " when he sat down on a carpet pin — point vp — the attendant "male dear creature " in dulcet tones would niurmer, " Don't be afraid, darling, I'm near you," and that would be a good excuse to place his arm around the fair one's Avaist to keep her from falling. I noticed one young lady, avlio evidently had had her nerves severely tried, as her Avliite dress about the Avaist looked very much as if she had been dancing a polka with one of Christy's burnt cork gentlemen. She shonld wear a dark dress another time, or take care that her cher amie washes his hands before he folds her to his manly — shirt front. But everybody seemed awfully jolly, and the amount of lovmaking, lying, and lushing that was carried on Avas really something aAvfully awful, especially the lovmaking; and of course everyoneknows the amount of lying required to make love properly. When you hear the " male wretch " say, " Oh, my darling, until I saAV you, I never knew Avliat love was," and another Avitli a sigh, as if he had a forty horse-power . engine in his inside, breathe forth, "Dearest, one small tress of your golden hair and I shall dream of heaven "—it does sound so nice and poetical to the darlings. But Avhen I knew the iirst male animal had made the same speech to a barmaid at Ponsonby the night before, and the second Avretch had enough' hair at home to sluit' a mattress, i concluded, and Aery naturally, that a great deal of mendacity was requisite to carry on the spooning business. Not, however, being in the spooning line myself, and linding my appetite and drinketite considerably sharpened by the sea air, I looked about to see if any edibles Avere procurable, soon discovered a fair damsel, and avlio, in return for half-a-crown, gave me a ticket entitling me to luncheon when I could get it. Well, after Avaitiug about an hour, 1 managed to iind a seat,' and looked round for an equivalent for my money. But alas ! three eighties had already been down to lunch, and naught remained but the carcasses of foAvls, cut up and carved in every conceivable Avay but the right one. Thanks, however, to a kindly disposed waiter — and the waiters on board, by the Avay, Avere remarkably civil — I managed to procure some ham and roast beef, and called for a bottle of ale, for Avhich I paid two shillings. Can it be possible that ale like Madeira is improved by a sea voyage and charged for accordingly, and the extra sixpence stuck on owing to the trip from the Avharf to the middle of the' stream ? It may be so, but I and many others thought it a piece of extortion. However, 1 succeeded in making a very good luncheon, and must do the caterer the justice of stating the spread Avas well Avorth the money, proA'idcd you managed to get doAvn Avith the iirst lot. It Avas a poor look out for number four lot, and, from the feeding capacities displayed, I am certain, had the charge been five shillings, many Ayould never have reached shore alive ; for the majority of those avlio had paid half-a-erewn conscientiously Avent in for the full value of that coin, and, like the elderly female at the Brick Lane Tea-fight, might have been graphically described in the Avords of Sam Weller's father ' ' as having swelled Avisibly afore his Avery eyes." Having satisfied the inner man 1 proceeded on deck, lighted a cigar, and began to think about leaving for the shore, •when I heard a fearful scream and saAV a lady in hysterics, caused, as I soon ascertained, by a sailing vessel running into a small steamer. Instantly the ship's company Avere on the alert, and the gallant captain displayed that coolness so essentially necessary in cases of emergency, and thoroughly characteristic of the British sailor. It made my heart thump against my ribs to hear his manly A'oice, in stentorian terms, call out, " Slack oil" the end of the main top gallant stud sail boom, shake out a reef in the cathead, fish the flying jib, and ram the cook in the slush bucket." Owing to my knoAvledge of nautical affairs I kneAV the danger Avas over, and beyond one or two getting Avet outside, and a good many getting in the same condition inside, no harm Avas done. It was iioav past six o'clock, and the crowd on board Avas rapidly leaving for shore, everyone being delighted Avith the reception they had met Avith from the genial jolly captain, the officers, and the creAV, avlio, one and all, paid the many visitors every kindness, courtesy, and attention. And Avhen the next regatta takes place, let us hope Aye shall spend as pleasant a time as Avas passed on board the " Lady Jocelyn." By the Avay can any of my nautical friends inform me Avhat the captain meant Avhen he whispered, ' ' When you Avant a pull at the fore brace, come to me." 1 told him i did not Avear braces, and he laughed. Perhaps it Avas another Avay of asking me to "come in and see if there are any letters." — Yours, etc., SILENUS.

— The other clay at a country 'hop' I overheard some novel dancing instructidns. A gentleman asked a lady to dance, she demurred on the plea that she had. never danced that particular dance (the Varsoviana) and didn't know how. "Oh ! " he said, "it is easy enough I'll hold you tight and spin you round, and whilst I am doing that you kick ! "