BRIEF MENTION.

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 18, 15 January 1881, Page 171

BRIEF MENTION.

— St. James's congregation had plenty of sermon last Sunday morning. —The suspension of Mr. J. A. Wilson has excited much indignation in Tauranga. — 7> the coal dealer : Learn to labor and to weigit it. — The Mercantile Gazette is dead. Rcquiescat in Pace., ' — An invaluable Government— a Bryceless (priceless) Ministry. — The winners of the Christmas prizes will please call and take them away. — A charming Grey-street widow will shortly espouse a wealthy South Sea trader, not wholly unknown at the Bank of New Zealand. —Mr. John Blackmail, poet and lecturer, is confined to the house with that most unromantic of complaints — gout ! — The Hon. Mr. Dick (the present Minister of Education) was once a very small bookseller in Dunedin. — The children born on the "Lady Jocelyn " have all been christened "Jocelyn," and not half a bad name either. — At Tingleton, New South Wales, some prigcut out the leaf of the visiting book at the Mechanics' Institute, containing the signature of the Duke of Manchester. — The Academy understands that Lord Beaconsfield's new novel, " Endymion," was to be published by Messrs. Longmans on the 26th December. — The proprietors of the Melbourne Leader offer £100 premium for an original tale for publication in that journal. The latest date for sending in contributions is 30th June, 1881. — Chief Judge Fenton and Mr. J. A. Wilson don't love each other ! The judge has for some time^past been engaged in putting " a spoke" in latter's wheel. — No, J.D., Charlie O — n did not order a frock-coat in Shortland-street last week. Perhaps he is waiting to hear more of the Swallowtale. — A fair young creature, who arrived by the "Lady Jocelyn," was observed at Tauranga on Monday in a state of hopeless and helpless intoxication. — That rampant pedestrian, Mr. A. W. Fisher, has been showing the new chums by the "Lady Jocelyn " the glories of Katikati. What walks he will take them to be sure. — And the cock crowed, and then went out and wept bitterly. Nothing of the sort. He went down to the Nevada hotel and liquored up with Harry Richmond. What a nice man he is.— [Advt.] — Mr. Gooch did not leave St. Paul's last Sunday morning because of a row with the incumbent, as has been maliciously reported, but because he had a very bad cold and couldn't sing. — Mr. Duncan Cruickshank, of Oamaru, challenges a number of persons to a competitive trial of their skill in dancing, and is accommodating enough to allow each to appiont his own time. The amount is fixed at £10. — What is the difference between the last immigrant ship and the riding in the late Hurdle Race ? — The one is a Lady Jocelyn and the other was a gentleman (?) jostling. — The natives in the Rotorua district are so litigious and cantankerous that it is absurd to suppose any lands will be put through during the coming sitting of the Lands Court at Ohinenrutu. — Milk is adulterated not only with water, but also with salt, to give _it specific gravity, and with burnt sugar, to give it a rich colour. The doctored milk looks as rich as that of an Aldemey coav. — Miss M. appeared quite happy on New Year's Day, when she was heaping that pile of withered grass on the devoted head of her beloved Johnny, and oh ! how quiet the old fellow was. He really seemed to like it. — Harry Price, well-known to the habitues of the Police Court, confidentially told the Bench the other day that since his wife had left him two years previous, he had been a better and wiser man. Eliza won't like that. — Mr. Seymour George is in town. He plays pilot fish to Sir George Grey's shark. The prey at present is Sir Arthur Gordon, who will no doubt accompany "my nephew" back to our island home. — A young gentleman on the point of getting married, is desirous of meeting a man of experience, who will dissuade him from such a step. Go and buy the outfit at Messrs. Munro and Milligan's, Karangahape Road, and let the parson finish the business. — [Advt.] — Attention is directed to the advertisement of the Loyal United Friends, who hold their anniversary reunion at the Temperance Hall on Monday evening next. The entertainment will commence with a concert and close with a ball. — A lady will feel much obliged if "Eva" will inform her of the prettiest way to alter an old violet-coloured silk dress — made in IS30 — to the present fashion. The same lady would also like to know what "Eva" crimps her liair with. — The real credit of opening of the native lands at Rotorua lies, I hear, not with Chief Judge Fenton, but with Mr. J. A. Wilson, of Tauranga, who, during his Court at Maketii, in October last, bad practically arranged the whole matter.

— I have it on good authority that a rigid Presbyterian, who has caused trouble in one of the local churches by his stern opposition to dancing in an adjoining hall, was seen on the racecourse on New Year's Day laying " two to one on the brown nag." How is that for high. — " Coming events cast their shadows before." Regatta Day is rapidly drawing near, and the various yachts and open sailing boats go o\it on every possible occasion. Last Saturday afternoon I counted no less than twenty-seven between the Bean Hock and Judge's Bay. —A large number of young people of both sexes are preparing for an excursion to Port Albert, in order to participate in the festivities associated with the Annual Agricultural Show. The fruit will just be mellow at the time and plentiful. On dit that my illustrative anecdote of last week concerning feminine ignorance of the precise meaning of "R.S.V.P." has been taken by quite a number of young ladies as personal to themselves, and that they are in a state of towering indignation in consequence. — It is not always a mark of kindness to possess an open countenance. An alligator has an open countenance, and he would take any- ' one in. Now Partridge and Woollams will not take any one in with their good stock of cricketing material and rare tobaccos. . — [A DVT. ] — Garrard says he will pay me back for exposing him when he becomes the representative of Auckland City West in the General Assembly, I don't doubt his willingness to do so, but I am afraid that it would require the patience of Job to enable me to wait for the "good time." — Captain Colbeck will have to bestir himself if he wishes to be re-elected for Marsden, as Mr. John Dargaville has evidently determined to wrest his seat from him at the next general election. He has been canvassing for some time past, and his geniality has won ,for him many supporters. —Mr. James Gossett went away to Wanganui by the "Wallabi" last Monday, en route for Halcombe, where he is to take charge of the agency of the Bank of New Zealand. His numerous friends, though sorry that he has been sent away from Auckland, will be glad to hear of his promotion. — The many friends of the Rev. J. Upton Davis will regret to hear that he intends to retire from the regular ministry, and has tendered his resignation to the Hanover-street Church, Dunedin. He will retain the pastorate till a successor is appointed. I believe ill-health is the cause of tins step on the part of Mr. Davis. — The celebrated heathen Galen was converted from atheism by contemplating a human skeleton. How many women have been converted from dowdyism to everythingism by contemplating a well fitting dress. Inspect McMaster s stock, and there purchase the necessary material at 242, Queen-street. — [Adyt.]' ■ — The almanac issued by Messrs. Sheraßros., on behalf of the North British and Mercantile Insurance Company, is, with the exception of Mr. Lennox's, the best I have seen, and forms a suitable ornament for the office Avail. Shera Bros, make first rate agents, for they really ptish business intrusted to them. That this is not always the case most of us know only too well. — It may not be generally known that the editor of a Bendigo paper offered to join the' Kelly gang when they were in the Strathbogies. It is nevertheless, a fact. Kelly, however, declined. " What we want," said Ned, "is a man of honor. Besides," added the outlaw, 1 ' you ought to have made the proposal before we robbed the Jerilderie bank." That man still edits a Bendigo paper. — Chief Judge Fenton has postponed the sitting of the Cambridge Lands Court in order to have the kudos of opening a similar court at Ohinemutu. This is all very nice, but his Honor must be perfectly Avell aware that no real business can be got through between January 25th and February Bth ; and that the Courts cannot possibly sit together, as the same natives have claims in both. — Great complaints are rife in consequence of Judge Fenton having postponed the Native Lands Court at Cambridge from 25th January to the Bth of February. A large number of natives have already arrived from the South to attend this sitting, and'the effect of the adjournment will be to put them, as well as numerous Europeans and the Government, to a very heavy and most unnecessary expense. Ben Williams, the boatman who caught the shark in the harbour last Sunday, made a few pounds by exhibiting it in a tent, near to the watermen's steps. Here is a sample of the original discourse which attracted crowds of open-mouthed spectators : " Walk right up this way, gentlemen, and see the monster shark which swallowed three Maoris and a white man. Bodies all recovered, and an inquest proceeding. Step up and look at the animal which capsized three yachts and a cutter while being captured. The largest fish ever seen in the Southern Hemisphere, &c, &c." It is not surprising that the tent was crowded. — I learn that a gentleman is about to leave England for New Zealand, and report to English farmers. His special destination is a property of 200,000 acres, near to Nelson and Blenheim, which it is intended, if possible, to put into a company, and settle with English farmers. The gentleman in question is a Mr. Herring, from near Wakefield, in Yorkshire, where he has a good deal of influence. He is a highly respectable man, and has written one or two small books on English agriculture. This step has grown out of the Grant and Foster deputation, as Messrs. Grant and Foster have been in frequent communication with Mr. Herring. Good must result from such a movement. Mr. Herring will be accompanied by a son of Mr, Broomhall.

— Some ignorant bumpkin, in writing to one of the daily papers at the end of last week, attributed the well-know apostrophe to the mountains from Sheridan Knowles' "William Tell " to Wordsworth, and then wound up his effusion with some shakey French orthography, viz. , • ' Devant si je pins. " — The Chairman and Secretary of St. James' Association are busied in arranging an attractive syllabus for the forthcoming session. A large proportion of the members will be represented upon it and several new features will be introduced. Report whispers the possible nomination for membership of a number of ladies at the opening meeting. — A • Christchurch man went through the Bankruptcy Court the other day. He had owned a fine horse and gig, and they both disappeared for a time, but by-and-bye the horse and gig were doing service for the same owner again. On being asked what this meant, the man's reply was, "I went through the Bankruptcy Court, but the horse and gig went round." • \ — Mr. McMaster is the wit — and not a bad I wit either— of the Auckland School Committee. His opinion concerning the taking over of the I Wellesley-street establishment as a Training [ College and Practising School is that "it will lead to the divil's own i-oav between McArtlmr and Worthington,"and that "the Board will be obliged to supply them with boxing gloves once a fortnight." Mr. McArtlmr he describes as a " tread-on-the-tail-of-me-coat " man. —The excuses some folks make to put off paying bills are marvellous indeed. The other Hay my collector called on a popular publican for a small sum. Mine host was busy talking to a friend at the time ; and when the collector politely whispered the words " Observer account," lie turned smartly round and said, " Confound you, no ; I've been to a funeral today, and don't feel inclined to pay any bills." — If you have occasion to be incensed against anyone, never dream of horsewhipping him. He may perhaps prove an immeasurably superior man to yourself, and in that case you would most likely come oft' second best. Get half-a-dozen strong lumps of over-grown larrij kins, put a rope round the neck of the object of your resentment, and half hang him. It will only cost you the same amount as horsewhipping, viz., £5 (according to the recent judgment of the Rangiora R.M.), and it is very superior fun.

— "Willie Bain, who has been agent for the Bank of New Zealand at Whangarei for the last three years, came to town last Friday by the "Arawata," to enjoy a well-earned holiday. He and Mr. A. V. Macdonald had a very lively time of it coming down the Whangarei River. The "boatman, who was pulling the boat in which they and about a dozen other passengers for the "Arawata" were, struck work after going a couple of miles, so Messrs. Macdonald and Bain took to the oars, and pulled the rest of the way. — A Holstein peasant, uninstructed in microscopical research, and not possessing the requisite instruments of precision, has devised for himself a new test for the presence of trichina?, in pork. When he killed a pig he was careful to send a portion of it — a ham or a sausage — to his pastor, and then waited the consequences for 14 days. If his pastor remained healthy, then he felt perfectly easy in his mind, and well assured that his pig fulfilled the reqxxisite conditions of soundness of food, and he proceeded to dispose of it accordingly in his own family. This ingenious method of research has not been considered satisfactory by the district physician. — My dear old friend Canon Jolmstone has been "slating" the Minister of Public Works in the Tauranga Buster for not answering his letters. He says : "In the old country when a gentleman writes to a person, who from his official capacity^ should have gentlemanly feelings, a reply is invariably sent. Even the Duke of Wellington, with all his multiplicity of correspondence, always answered the poorest of his correspondents ; but I pi-esume our Minister of Public Works fancies himself a greater man than the ' Iron Duke. ' " After this the Minister of Public Works had better hide his diminished head. — Inspector Groldie has been in a very mournful mood since Saturday last. On the afternoon of that day he was standing upon the wharf intent upon watching the yacht race, when a fellow-official drew his attention to the corpse of a dog, which was floating by in the water. "Ah," mused the inspector, " there s ten bob gone." Scarcely had the words been uttered whon another defunct canine hove in sight, and ere its requiem could be pronounced a third and fourth made their procession. The floating procession drifted slowly by until eleven deceased animals had been totted up, when, unable to endure any longer the sorrowful reflections called up by this waste of dogflesh, Goltlie beat a hasty retreat. As he left he was heard to mutter, "Confound it; actually five ten gone."