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Observer, Volume 1, Issue 5, 16 October 1880, Page 38

1 There was a young man of the Whau, Who rode into town on a cow, When they met Paddy Doran, the cow commenced roarin'. Bedad says he I'm in it now. 2 There is a professional dancer, A most irreproachable prancer. His name — Allen West, with immaculate vest, And the leer of Hindoo necromancer. 4 There was an old man, gray and gritty That spouted in Auckland's fair city, And with " antidotes " void to the ineu unemployed Made himself quite an object of pity. 5 There was a young woman in Court, So says the Observer report, Quite alone in a mob, till protected by Bob, Who said he'd defend her for sport. 6 There was a musician named S , His " get up " licked everything hollow. The paint on his face was a perfect disgrace ; Yet he thought he was quite an Apollo. 7 There was a young doctor called Haines, Who was great at all aches and bad pains, Among pretty girls single, this doctor wovild mingle, But now he has lost all his flames. 8 There is a " divine " at St. Paul's, Who lives in a vortex of " squalls," So great is his ire, he could " Swallow" the choir, And smash up the orchestra stalls. 9 There once was a rich man so chary, He avoided the laws sanitary ; Of his Gold he was eased, Grin away as he pleased, For they fined that rich man who was chary. 10 There was once a Grey X.C.8., A tremendous pro consul was he, Who thought when in power, he'd make (H) all people cower, But he couldn't ; for they said U.B.D . 11 There was a young man who said, " When Shall a guinea I make by my pen ? I'll send this good rhyme to Observer in time, So a guinea I'll make by my pen." 12 There was an old man at the Kauwau, Who tried to palaver the Hau hau, And attempted a dodge, to enfranchise poor Hodge, Which collapsed, and resulted in " Mau num." 13 There's a facial Observer called "Quiz," Who can " chisel" you out of your "phiz," Like an " R.A." he draws, universal applause, For " R.A.L." ive (a real live) "genius" ho is. 15 There was a young lady of Russell, Who prided herself on her muscle. Quoth amourous Freddy, "I'll kiss you my leddy I" But he got much the worst of the tussle. 16 There lives an old chief at the Kau-wau, Whose "bite" does not equal his " bow-wow." " Every dog has his day," and so has poor " Grey j" And so has " Te Whiti," the Hau-hau. (a)' Twas a "cabinet" made without Wood, In the Hall of the House, there it stood, Rolling stone (Eolleston) a,s a "boss," it could gather no 3foss. And its movements are not understood. (b) We've a hete noiY, (they call him Reduction) In Auckland he's caused quite a " ruction." Like a leech he is sent, to draw "ten per cent" Off the " screws " by a process called " suction," (c) There's a banker called " Jim " — such a beau ! Perfect terror with girls — as you know, But the brother of Jim, can outrival him, Being " King of Parnell," which am so. 17 To a councillor in Auckland named Offer, Some advice I shall venture to proffer ; " Give up acting the fool, set your conduct by rule, " At officials do not be a scoffer." (a) A Jew knight, Sir Julms by name, " Speculation " e'er loved as a game ; A few of his " specks," which now burden our necks Have raised the bold Jew's name to fame. (b) Our City West Member, named Hurst, Tho' with dignity full fit to burst, Deems it not infra dig to import a " boar pigY' For " good breeding " he's keenly athirst. (c) Though " bonedust " this Member doth sell, He yet is a " mighty big swell," For he once, by a fluke, got a nod from " The Duke," And a ride with Earl Pembroke, as well, (cl) Of all the swell mobsmen in town (One who sits on a man when he's down) I'll back twenty vcr cent, to pull off "an event " Against Shylock of ancient renown. (c) I want to know, sir, if you ever Heard of " Simon," a tanner of leather, Whose greatest reinorso is, the way that 'bus horses Get " whacked " in this dusty hot weather. (f) I know a full blown " L.L.8.," Whose brother prefers " £. s. &." Alphabetical joke ! but the one ends in smoke, The other in prosper E T.