ABOUT TOWN

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 2, 25 September 1880, Page 9

ABOUT TOWN

As a rule one doesn't care to blow one's own trumpet, but there are times when it becomes a positive duty to indulge in a modest rootletootle of self-congratulation. This, I think, is one of them. Wiseacres said a threepenny Saper wouldn't sell, and the proprietor of the . »bserver was half inclined to believe them. Happily for us all, the good people of Auckland have come splendidly through the ordeal. Our edition numbered 3500 copies, and by Monday night the papers were, with the exception of 72 returns, all SOLD. We have received the cash for over 2000, and country agents write that they got rid of the small trial lots sent them like a shot. Keep this up and we shall do.

Mr. Bob BroAvning has earned the reputation of being the most chivalrous member of the Bar *n Auckland. At a recent sitting of the Eesident Magisfrftte' 8 Court an interesting young cma^e» °^ prepossessing appearance, came forward as the representative of her father in a small eD* case, but Wllolly innocent of lfigal forms of procedure, she seemed a* a *oss* 10W *° ac*' ie S 1"11^ alm nuittercd observations of old Lodge and the pantomimic gestmes of the bailiff completely disconcerted her, and in helpless beAvilderment she gazed from Bench to Bar ancl from floor to ceiling. His Wor-

ship, taking pity on ller. Confusion, eilfrom the

quired large assemblage of the legal confraternity present if anyone felt inclined to proceed to the relief of beauty in distress. For a moment or tAVO there Avas no response. The mild and spectacled Thome exchanged a significant glance Avith the hirsute and bejewelled Tyler, Avhile the adolescent Burton and the apologetic Coleman shifted uneasily upon their seats. Others of the magic circle lapsed into a profound abstraction over their briefs, and the aAvkAvardness of the pause became generally felt. Browning's modesty had hitherto been restrained, but seeing no favourable movement amongst his brethren he jumped to his feet and Srof erred his assistance. It Avas accepted, and espite the immoderate laughter of Mr. Tyler, Bod conducted tlie case to a successful issue.

The electorsin the southern portion of the district of Waikato have, AAith commendable unanimity, resolved upon banqueting their * honourable member*(Mr. J. B. Whyte) for his efforts on behalf of the Cambridge Branch. "Railway. The honourable gentleman, it is presumed, carries on his »person a talisman of Erodigious potency, otherAvise it Avere indeed ard to discover the Avhy and Avherefore of the sudden affection Avhicfc Mr. HeAvitt has conceived for him. ..Only a feAV short Aveeks ago Mr. HeAA'itt regarded Mr. Whyte's charge against .Sir George Grey as an exaggerated specimen of elongated veracity, which, being translated mea>is, Avell — an untruth. To Mr. Hewitt's jqredit, lie it said, hoAvever, he is more sincere his likings than in his dislikings.

A MOTHERS' meeting. The screarningjfarce of " Searell ancl the Cabman" ran two days at the It. M. Court, and drew splendidly. The frequent endeavours of the man of chords and scales to jump the claim , of his solicitor, by addressing the Court in a confidential manner, proved irresistibly effective, while his glowering upon the troubled Jehu, and the energy with which he took notes, gave instructions to his lawyer, nodded approvingly to the Bench, and gave vent to frequent dramatic ejaculations at~ the statements of hostile witnesses, displayed the versatility of his talent to the greatest advantage. The farce turned upon a question of time, and it was painfully amusing to witness the efforts of the opposing lawyers to get out just enough and no more evidence than would fit in with their conflicting timetables. Luscombe swore he had the cab only from 9.20 till 10.10, but Dodds the cabby was convinced he had it from 8.45 till 10.45. For corroboration he referred to Bill Edwards, a mender of broken - down watches, from whom he had en quired the time some five or ten minutes before Ltrscombe appeared upon the scene ; to Abe alias Skipper Bow-, den, a very godly young man, who conducts the cabmen's prayer meeting, to Ned Nolan, an old sport Avith a luxuriant goatee, and to Harry Hammond, whose powers of locomotion are only equal to fifty yards in eight or nine minutes. An intensity of interest was focussed upon the vexed question, "Where was Dodds when the clock struck eleven ?" I herewith gratuitously present a solution of the problem.

Within the circumscribed limits of Luscombe Searell's corporeal anatomy there throbs the great heart of a little man. He is animated by a lofty purpose, the mere consideration of which enkindles his soul with poetic fervour, raises his four-feet-six figure on tiptoe and stimulates the fire of his ardent, nature to such a blaze that his eyes shine ont fiercely from their sanguinebued environments. His ambition is to live in the grateful regards of a people freed from cab-craft, to hand his name down to latest posterity, not merely as the musical director and travelling agent of the Lingard Dramatic Co., but as a man who had the resolution to exercise the whip of legal pains and penalties over the back of extortionate Jehuism. He also hopes — poor dear trustful man — that this prosecution will render the cabbies more rational in their charges. The worthy magistrate, whose knowledge of human nature is deeper and more extensive, registered Ms scepticism, and the auditors, by their nodding acquiesence, • endorsed the magistrate's deliverance. This is a wicked world, Luscombe, and the path of the reformer is not strewn Avith roses. His is a difficult role to play.

My Oamaru correspondent Avrites : — "At a picnic the other day there Avas a demand for vinegar, but no vinegar could be found. Thereupon an angel Avith dove's eyes said, ' Pass around Mrs. ; she's sour enough,' and another took up tlie parable, saying, ' Impossible i But were her bulk no greater than her beauty she mightgbe passed about;on the point of a pin. 1 "

, " Birds in their little nests agree," but the congregations of the Episcopalian churches in Auckland do not. There have been little disturbances at St. Paul's and All Saints', and now the St. Matthew's and St. Thomas's people are mixed up in an unpleasant business, whicli promises a very disagreeable termination. The Israelites of old desired a king to rule over them, and the parishoners of St. Thomas's want a parson to minister to their spiritual' requirements. They subscribe a considerable sum yearly for that purpose, but hitherto their petitions on the subject have not been treated with consideration which they desired. A lay reader was provided, but, poor fellow, his extreme youth gave offence, and it is affirmed that some young ladies who had assisted in the choir actually walked out of the church on the occasion of his first appearance. A deputation of parishoners interviewed the recently-appointed minister of St. Matthew's in support of their claim to have a real parson, St. Thomas's being only a branch of the larger church. The petitioners were coldly received, and although only a day had elapsed since their pleasant I ''sociable," the reverend gentleman professed I himself unacquainted with them. No satisfaction was received, and a visit to the Bishop followed, but he did not see the advisability of having "two commanders in one ship," and consequently would not interfere. Then it is said the parson's lady gave offence by saying that anybody was good enough to preach at St. Thomas's, but of course this is only an idle ■ report. However, matter-* reached a climax last week, and on Sunday All Saints' congregation was augmented by a large number of worshippers from Union-street, Avhile.the sanctuary there was well-nigh deserted. Party feeling now runs high, and it is said the clerical section will close the church before they will give way. *. 1_ One of the causes which indirectly led to the bad feeling which exists between St. Thomas's Church and the pastor of the parish in which St. Matthew's and the above church are situated, is said to be a declaration on tlie part of Mrs. Tebbs, that the silver articles used on the communion table at St. Thomas's were too good for such a small church, and that they could be taken to St. Matthew's, and be replaced by brass ones. The plate in question was the gift of one or more of the parishioners, and cost a respectable sum of money.

Another of the results of the trouble at St. Thomas's Church is tlie removal from the building of the organ, Avhich belonged to a member of the congregation. Its. melodious strains Avill no more be heard within the sacred Avails, and the services of the young lady Avho played'gratuitously, and assisted the choir considerably] are lost to the Union-street worshippers.

Amongst the celebrities at the Auckland Institute, on Saturday evening, I observed the Attor-ney-General, Avho made a careful inspection of the statuary; and Judge Fenton, Avith hat on one side, looking, if possible, more rakish than usual. What a lot of "side" the amateur scientists put on. It was really splendid to see the Avay in which Mr. Pond scattered thepeople right and left as he passed across the room, and lioav Mr. Cheeseman sAvelled with gratified pride as he moved sloAvly and impressively from one corner to another. The District Engineer, disguised as a Avorking man, and turning out all sorts of pretty wood Avork Avith a lathe, Avas a sight for the gods !

If a poor woman, Avith a starving child in her arms, takes a loaf out of a baker's shop she is called a thief, but if a wealthy lady takes an article of value Avhich she can Avell afford to pay for, she is called a " ldeptomaniac. " Tradesmen aud shopkeepers are Avarned to be on their guard, as there is a "kleptomaniac" in Auckland just iioav. She is tall and dark, and handsomely dressed, besides being rich and very respectably connected.

Apropos of a paragraph in last issue, I have received the following letrer from Captain Kerr, to whicli I gladly give the fullest publicity. It is a matter of deep regret to me that the allusion referred to should have occasioned him any annoyance. I can only say, by way of excuse, that I was ■:„.c„,.™-„,l ™,-.o + iJliUl 111 C U. 11l v/ o v positively he felt anxious to have cerlstin matters ventilated through the Press. "Auckland, N.Z., 18th September, 1880. "Sir, — With reference to a paragraph in your issue of to-day touching the late fracas in Queen-street, in which you say suggestively that 'the cause is believed to be domestic infelicity. Mrs. Kerr left suddenly for New Plymouth a short time ago.' I beg you to give an equal publicity in your columns to this letter. Whatever 'domestic infelicity' there was, had its origin and foundation in myself. My wife was, and is, and ever has been, an honourable and loyal lady, and a true and faithful wife That exaggerated rumour has made surmise appear fact has been the fault of myself and others, equally so that she — the only innocent person — has been the greatest victim of it. I, her husband, guarantee her honour and integrity against all suggestive rumour and false report. Messrs. Hesketii and Richmond, Mr. C. N. Govett, Archdeacon Govett, "and other' gentlemen of knoAvn honour and position are in possession of the facts connected witli this matter, the origin and foundation of Avhich is in myself, and can, if necessary, give support to my statement. " In conclusion let me beg of you to refrain from further allusion to this matter. So doing can only give pain and annoyance — as acute as it is undeserved — to a lady who deserves sympathy and courtesy in the place of it. "If comment or criticism be necessary, attack me, but extend to my wife that courtesy to which she is entitled at your hands. — I am, &c. "Kenneth Kerr."

As Captain Ken- says he has no objection to my speaking of himself, and as a good deal of misconception appears to exist about liis character and Avay of living, the folloAving particulars may be of interest. Captain Kerr first came to the colony about 21 years ago. He Avas then a lieutenant on board H. M. S. Pelorus, and one of the most popular men in the service. With the good people of NeAv Zealand he soon made friends, and being rich, dashing ancl free Avith his money, became, in a surprisingly brief period, an immense favourite. After a time Captain Kerr retired honourably from the navy and returned to England. The restraints of social life in the " hupper suckles " did not, hoAvever, suit him, and the Cape diamond rush breaking out about this time, he set off once more in search of fortune. Unluckily the gallant captain is not the stamp of man to amass money. The soul of good nature and hospitality he falls an easy victim to the "sponge" fraternity, AAdio, Avell aAvare of the facility Avith Avhich lie can be persuaded to "part," squeeze him mercilessly. A more generous jolly good felloAv it Avould be difficult to meet. He shares all he lias freely Avith friends, and is "hail felloAv Avell met'" Avitli eA-eryone Avortli knoAving. At the Cape Captain Kerr Avas not very lucky, but fickle fortune, Avhicli seems to froAATi and shine upon him. alternately, Avas propitious soon afterwards, and sent him a windfall in the shape of a thumping legacy. Witli v this in hand he came on to NeAv Zealand, and for the last year or tAvo has been living in Auckland, his pecuniary barometer varying from "set fair" to "very stormy."

An eye-witness lias furnished 'me Avith the folloAving account of the fracas at the Victoria. The affair .commenced, it appears, about a Aveek before the fatal Friday. ■ Mr. Hart, • who .is very fond of his Avife, but a perfect demon of jealousy, Avent out one afternoon Ttoir a walk Avith a friend. Before starting he begged Mrs.