ALLEGED HUMOUR.

Thames Star, Volume LVII, Issue 16072, 5 April 1924, Page 5

ALLEGED HUMOUR.

SHORT STORIES. LOVED THEM. Mr Boggs, the butcher, was a jovial soul. As lie was putting up an order of l a mb chops for a customer the woman asked curiously: “Mr Boggs, what led you to choose your present occupation?” “Well, I don't really know, ma’am, said Mr Boggs, thoughtfully. “Maybe it was because I have always been fond of animals.” » * * * TIME FOR REFLECTION. She: When you asked me to be your wife you deliberately deceived me. He: In what way, Martha? He: Well. I may have said it, Martha, but I didn’t know how well off I was at tbe time. » » * • quite apropos. A famous actor who repeatedly made farewell appearances announced another final tour. “What will you play?” asked a friend. “Something of Shakespeare,” said the actor. “Much Adieu About Nothing/ I suppose,” said the friend. *> • * • ONE UP TO THE YOUTH. A man was driving in a part of the west country where the railroads are far apart. He encountered a native youth, of whom lie inquired: “How far is it to Goodland?” T'-m youth replied: “I don’t know.” “How far is it to Oakley?” “T don’t know.” “What country is this?” “1 donT know.” Whereupon the stranger said: “You aren’t very smart, are you?” The youth replied: “No: hut f ain’t lost.

BEGINNING TO BE SORRY. On the way from Scotland. Jock got very friendly with a Tittle English lass. The result was a wedding \ery shortly after arrival in Sydney. As they waited at the church, the best man. noting that the ..ridegroom seemed ill at ease, asked: ‘Wlia’s wrang wi’ ye, Jock? Have ye lost anythin’?” “00-ay. mon,” Jock nodded gloomily, “all nia enthusiasm.” * « * * HAD HIM THERE. , Lawyer: Tell the court exactly where you were on the twentieth day of the said month at 5.30 in the afternoon. Defendant: 1 was on the corner of Second and Main Streets asking a man a question. Lawyer: Ah-lia! But do you know it was exactly 5.30? Defendant: Ali-ha yourself! The question I. was asking him was what time it was. * • * » NOT SO LONELY. Jack: Suppose I teach you to play cards now, and then you’il know all about it after we’re married.” Marie: Won’t that be lovely! What game will you teach me? Jack: Solitaire.

CN ALTERABLE. ‘‘Look here. ►Stella,” said Mr Parkinson. “that young chap stayed till an uncoil scion able hour last night.' I heard von let him out. What does your mother say about it?” “Well, dad,” said Stella, as she put another record on the gramophone. “She said young men hadn’t changed a scrap since her day,” and then the machine churned out, “You can’t keep a good girl down.” * * * * WHY WORRY? “1 have sent for yon,” said the man of the house, “because these gaspipes are cronlc. They need repairing somewhere. There’s a leak in the pipes, and a lot of gas is going to waste.” “No. sir,” replied the gas company’s inspector, and he smiled a meditative smile. “Maybe there’s a leak, hut there isn’t any gas going to waste — 1 you’ll find it all in the hill.”