WIT AND HUMOUR.

Taranaki Herald, Volume LXIII, Issue 144826, 2 November 1915, Page 6

WIT AND HUMOUR.

FRAUD RESENTED. Some time ago a business man had occasion to see a theatrical manager, and on being admitted' to tho stage just at the conclusion of the play he noticed that tho leading lady seemed to be in a state of wild excitement. “Your beautiful star seems to be somewhat disturbed,” said the business man. “What seems to be the trouble?” “She is disturbed,” answered the manager; “she got only nine bouqubts over tho footlights to-night.” “Geo whiz!’” was tho amazed rejoinder of tlie other. “Weren’t nine enough?” “No,” was the calm response of the manager. “She paid for ton.” FEMININE RESOURCE. Dr. Dudley A. Sargent, of Harvard, holds that sex is no bar to military service—that a woman would make as good a soldier as a man. Dr. Sargent, at a tea in Boston, said to a group of flattered, smiling girls: “Why shouldn’t you, indeed, make as good soldiers as men? Look how resourceful you are. 1 know a young fellow who said to a girl doubtfully: T consulted a palmist last evening, and she told me 1 would marry a brunette within three months.’ The girl, tossing her golden head, answered with a roguish smile; ‘Well, I can easily be a brunette by that time, Jack.’ ”

Mr. Frost: “Agnes, your mother has a headache. Can’t you help her get dinner?” Agues; “No, father. I have to learn this table of food values.”

Village Storekeeper (as pastor executes a masterly retreat from liis store): “Dinged old hypocrite 1 This is the same lead quarter I put in the collection last Sunday!”

“Which do you prefer, my dear, a little claret or some champagne?” “I think I prefer champagne, George. And, besides, we really ought to do all we can for France.”

“Blmgins is a remarkable fisherman.” “Yes, 1 honestly believe it’s more wonderful for a man to think up tho stories Bliggins tells than it would be actually to catch the fish.”