“HAVE YOU HEARD THIS?”

Te Awamutu Courier, Volume 55, Issue 3929, 21 July 1937, Page 3

“HAVE YOU HEARD THIS?”

An inquisitive old lady was asking a sailor about his experiences in the navy. “But what rank did you hold?” she asked. “Ship’s optician, lady.” “Ship’s optician? I never knew there was such a rank in the navy. Of what did your duty consist?” “Scraping the eyes out of potatoes, lady.” The hotel billiards table looked the worse for wear after a game more strenuous than brilliant. “Sandy,” said the English player, “those three holes in the cloth will cost us thirty bob at the rate of ten shillings per hole.” The Scott volunteered to interview the manager and collected fifteen shillings from his friend. Then, producing a knife, he rapidly transformed the three holes into one large one. “Mon,” Sandy said, slipping five of the fifteen shillings in his pocket, “its verra fortunate they charge by numbers and not size in this place. Yon’s just dirt cheap at ten shillings.” “What’s the matter?" asked the passenger in the back seat of the ninthhand car. “Some sheep on the road,” explained the driver. Ten. minutes later there was another hold-up. “Dash it,” cried the driver, “I’ve caught up with those sheep again.” A prospective employer was interviewing a charlady. ‘Whom did you work for last?” she asked. “You remember that Mrs Brown who died mysteriously?” asked the charlady. “Yes.” “Well, I did for ’er.”