WIT AND HUMOUR

Te Awamutu Courier, Volume 54, Issue 3895, 28 April 1937, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOUR

FULL STOP. Tommy was learning to sew, and mother was teaching him to thread his needle. After struggling with it for some time he succeeded. Then, looking anxiously at his mother, said:— “Put a full stop on it, please, Mummy, in case the thread runs away!” SAFETY! “No,” replied the mother, “I don’t think I shall buy a whistle for my little boy, because the other day he nearly swallowed one.” “Well,” siaid the insistent salesm, “we have some nice bass fiddles I could show you.” OUTDONE. The author read the jacket blurb of his! new book and turned to the publisher. “Please stop the presses and throw everything away,” he pleaded. “I want to write a novel that is worthy of this tribute.” THE REASON WHY. “Why doesn’t your husband apply for a post when he sees one vacant? He has been out of work for a long time.” “Yes, but he is afraid of not getting it-—the disappoinment would be too great.” The second book of the Pentateuch and of the Bible is called Exodus from its narration of the departure (Greek “exodus”) df the Hebrews from Egypt. One hundred million tons of water pour over Niagara Falls every hour. It is said to represent 16,000,000 horse-power. It has been proved that the strength of the lion in the fore limbs is only 69.9 per cent that of the tiger,, and the strength of the hind limbs 65.9 per cent. Five men can easily hold a lion, but nine are required to hold a tiger.

The young Scot, after a period in London, had returned to his native village with* his bride. A little later he met his Uncle Donald. “ I hear ye hae an English wife,” the old man commented sourly. “ Aye, uncle.” “ WJiat does she dae ? ” “ What do you mean exactly ? ” “Can she sew an. buttons or knit your socks ? ” “ N-no,” the young Benedict admitted. “ Mebbe she’s a gran’ haun wi’ a bannock ? ” “ She can’t cook, uncle, but we can afford a servant lass to do that. And she has a divine voice. You should just hear her sing.” “ Sing ! ” snorted the old worthy. “ Man, could ye no’ hae gotten a canary ? ”

TIME ! At a restaurant a man who had imbibed too freely muttered to a waiter: “W-w-w-w-w-wake me at t-t-ten!” “It’s ten now, sir!” “Then w-w-w-wake me!” A young bride had not come out very well from her first encounter with the cookery book and electric stove. She ran to the telephone and called up her mother. “ Mother,” she said, “ I can’t understand it. The recipe says: ‘ Bring to boil on brisk fire, stirring for two minutes. Then beat it for ten minutes . . .’ and when I came back it was burned to a cinder ! ”