THE KAISER’S DREAM

Te Aroha News, Volume XXXV, Issue 5609, 27 February 1918, Page 3

THE KAISER’S DREAM

There’s a story I’m told, though strange it may seem, How the Great Kaiser Bill had a wonderful dream. He was dreaming of Allies as he lay in his bed, When his dream switched about and he dreamed he was dead. In a very fine coffin he was lying in state, And thousands were there, though none mourned his fate. His soul buzzed about, and found to his cost That he and his soldiers were doomed to be lost; He wouldn’t believe it, so to Heaven went straight, And, arrived at the portals, knocked loud at the gate ; “ Hey, Peter, get busy, quick, open the door, See who’s here. It’s the Kaiser. Make everything roar ; Beat the drums, blow the horns, have a swell banquet made, Tell Gott I have come, and we’ll have a parade.

Saint Peter looked out. Then, in voice loud and clear, Said, “ Try down below, Bill, you can’t get in here.” “ Tut, tut,’ ’said the Kaiser, “ you’re very uncivil, Don’t probably know I’m a friend of the Devil, And I’m going with pleasure.” So ho started to go, Awhistling like blazes, to make a big show. When he came to Hell’s door he was filled with dismay, For while waiting outside he o’erheard Satan say : “ Look here, boys, take notice, 1 give you all warning, I’m expecting the Kaiser down here in the morning; But don’t let him in, he’ll start mussing about; So give him the ha ! ha! and kick him right out.” “ Oh, Satan, dear friend,” the Kaiser then cried, “ Excuse me for listening while waiting outside, But please let me in, for where else can I go ?” “Indeed,” said the Devil, “I’m damned if I know.” “ Ach, please let me in, for I’m feeling quite cold, And if you want money, I’ve plenty of gold ; Let me sit in a corner, no matter how hot.” “ Nix, nein,’’ said the Devil, “ most certainly not. You can’t gain admittance by your offer of pelf, * Here are sulphur and matches, make a Hell for yourself. Don’t skimp, use them freely, for, by donner and blitz’, I have plenty more left for the Sultan and Fritz.” From his troublous sleep Bill awoke in a sweat And said, “ That’s a dream I shall never forget. That I won’t get to Heaven I know very well, But I never believed I’d be kicked out of Hell!”