ANECDOTES

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 204, 21 May 1887, Page 3 (Supplement)

ANECDOTES

NATIONAL CHARACTERISTICS. ' An Englishman was accosted thus: — ' •* What will you take to stand all night in 1 , the tower of St. Paul's?" "A beefsteak;, and a pint of beer," was tho frank reply. - The next'one ihus accosted was a Scotsman. Says Sandy/" What will you gie?" Las%* , came along'il&trick, and whom asked what he would tki'e to stand all night in tho tower of St. il'aul's, he wittily answered,' " An' sure, ran' I'd be apt to take a bad cowld." ; Charles Kecublo told tho story of how,, one day, he was folloAVcd up Sackville-) street, Dublin, by two begger women, be-i. tween whom the following dialogue passed, ■> evidently wifcli -a view to his edification :—;: — ; " Och, but he's an illigant man, is Mistheri Charles Kembk." "An', 'deed, bo was his brudher, JMisbhev John, thin— moighby .foine man, and.-io see his demanour, puttm'j liis hand in Jiis pocket and givin' me six-} , pence, batdaji the world !" A Highland Tionald was tried for a capi--tal oftenoe, and had aiather narrow escape ; but the jury found him " not guilty," where- j upon the judge, in discharging, thought fit, to admonisih'huai. " Prisoner, before youj ; leave the bar, lotimc give you a piece of ad->. vice. You have got oil" this time, bub if| you ever come bei ore me again I'll bo ca«-; •lion (surety) you'll be ftam/ed." "Thank 1 -.you, my loid,' J answered Donald ; " thank' *you for your good advice ; and as I'm na .ungratefu 1 , j" beg to gie your lordship a piece of advice in return. Never be caution onybody, for the cautioner has often to yay the penalty. "

A LAWYER'S ADVICE. Judge Strong practised in Jefferson County, and a prisoner being arraigned for tbefp, who bad no counsel, the court appointed young Strong to that service, directing him to confer with the prisoner, and give him the best advice he oould under the circumstances. He retired with his client to an adjacent room for consultation, and when an .officer was sent to nforin them that the court was waiting Strong 1 ,was found alone, and returned with .the officer into lihe court-roonv " Wlisjfe is your client?" demanded the judge, -<<He has left the place," repjied the lawyer. "Left the place!" cried the judge. •*• What do you mean, Mr Strong ?'' *' Why, yayr honor directed me to give him the best ,^vice I could under the circumstances. IJe told me he was guilty, 60 I opened fbe .window and advi&ed him to jump out and run. He took my .advice, as in duty bounft, and by this time lie is more than two DoileSvOfi"."

THE PRINCE AND THE PEASANT. Prince Albert when stopping with the Mayor of Manchester, told several anecdotes; among .them the following: — " While at Ofcborne he was in the liabit of getting up early and walking about his farm. Parsing a farmer's house he stopped to make some inquiries, knocked at the door, and asked Uie servant if his muster were in. The servant ; replied, 'Ho is in, sir, but not downstairs.' 'Oh, very well,' was Prince Albert's reply, and foe was about to leave. ' Would you be kind enough to leave your name, sir? 5 said the servant. • Oh, it does not matter,' said the Prince. { Because,' said the servant, 'my master would be angry with me if I did not tell him Avho called.' ' Yeiy well,' said his Hoyal Highness, 'you may bay Prince Albeit.' Upon which the man drew back,; looked up significantly, put hi*, thumb to the tip of his nose, extended his fingers, and exclaimed, 4 Walker !" "

WHAT MADE THE PARSON LAUGH. . Said Mr C , a Presbyterian minister of some notoiiety, '' I never laughed in the pulpib but on one occasion, and that came near procuring my dismissal from the ministry. About one of the fiisl discourses that was called to deliver, subsequent j to my ordination, atter reading my text and opening my subject my attention was directed to a young man with a very foppish dress and a head of exceedingly red hair. In a pew immediately behind this young gentleman sat an urchin, who must hive been urged on in his devilry by the [ Evil One himself, for I do not conceive the youngster thought of the jest lie was playing off on the .spruce dandy in fiont of him. The boy held 1m forefinger towards the hair of the young man about as long as a blacksmith would hold a wiie od in the fire, then placed it on hi>> knee and commenced pounding his finger in imitation aof smith making a nail. The whole thing was so ludicrous that I laughed — the only time that over J difj.rr.iced the pulpit with anything like mirth,"