Shaun's Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21660, 23 March 1932, Page 8

Shaun's Patch

A little nonsense now and then B Is relished by the wisest men. ■ —Hudlbras. ||

De Groot has been charged with damaging a ribbon valued at £2, with offensive behaviour and using threatening language. This all means slanging the Premier. * * * » American journalists call Phar Lap the “Red Terror.” Apart from the fact that he is the hardest chestnut they have had to crack, the name is sensationally inappropriate. Being a good tempered horse, he is more aptly a Ready Victor. • ♦ * * Why start him in the Consolation Cup? Who requires consoling? * * * * EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give a sentence containing the word “passport”: “I should like to see passport a beret.” * * * * Ixjt me tell you in strict confidence, and without any attempt to be modest that I know one family that Is not going to the Eglinton Valiev at Easter. ♦'* . * The young man calling keeps the girl up and ultimately has to look after her upkeep. THE INNOCENTS. He thought a by-street was where the shops were situated. * < ♦ * A Standing Joke: Most of them. One of the signs of fading popularity in a statesman is when someone else’s name appears in the anecdotes of which he has been the principal figure. « * * * No one seems to have thought of popularising wheat in place of rice at weddings as a means of increasing the consumption. * * * * The palmiest days of travellers are in tourist resorts. * # * * SOUTHLAND LIMERICKS. There was a young man of Kentucky Whose repute had begun to get mucky; But to Congress elected This view was corrected— Being lost in a crowd, he was lucky. THE GIFT PROBLEM. I sometimes bless these modern fashions which give woman a masculine appearance. At Christmas my wife gives me a necktie and I give it to her for a birthday. Then I receive it for my birthday, and she will receive it for Christmas. This cuts out all questions of taste, of the balance of value, and is economical. The only chance of trouble is that one of us absentmindedly will wear it one day, and then, of course, it will be necessary to buy a new tie. * * ♦ # CRIMINAL METHODS. “We’ve guarded all the exits,” The great detective stated. “And so he cannot get away”— Therefore he calmly waited. But when they sought the quarry They found lie wasn’t there! The great detective was amazed And tore his falling hair. Then slowly dawned the reason, He gave it in a sentence: “Yes, Watson, we’d the exits held; But he went out by an entrance!”