STRAY LEAVES

Southland Times, Issue 19500, 14 March 1925, Page 11

STRAY LEAVES

‘•NEXT TO HEADING MATTER.”

(By "

“The Observator.”)

I believe that our modern advertisers pride themselves on the supposedly original and striking announcements that we see daily in the papers. Still, the unfortunate fact remains that they are neither original nor striking, and, are in fact, lamentably behind the times—by about three or four hundred years. • One would expect some slight improvement in advertising since that time, but do we ever see an “ad.” as neatly and pithily expressed as the following little gem, from “Publick Occurrences, Truly Stated,” for the year 1688? Sir: Tell your Brother, Rogue Harry Care (if he makes any more such false and scandalous Reflections on the Church of England as he has done all along in his Occurrences), that he will certainly have His Nose Slit: and if you print anything of that Nature you’ll be served

the same Sawce. Take notice: here’s fair warning given you. Rival editors and modern vicars may harbour such thoughts, but unfortunately they are not printed. Yet, if a few such snappy personal “ads.” were published, it would add greatly to the interest of’‘our barren advertising columns. The truth is that they lack somewhat in vital human interest—especially the drapers.’ They arc more cold-blooded than the others, and it is rather difficult to find anything romantic about a draper’s “ad.” Besides, some of them are indelicate. Newspaper correspondents might model their effusions on this example, and replace some of their laboriously polite letter with something less hypocritical. Excitement would rise to fever-heat after a few brisk skirmishes between rival correspondents.

Then again, a playful note is struck by the “Roman Post Boy” (which, by the way, must have been a rather scurrilous

A House to Let, furnished with all sort of Impudence, having a parlour of Cane-Cheers, of St. Joseph’s own make, A Cellar of Wine, whereof Noah drank, a great quantity of Coles, some whereof roasted St. Lawrence, cum multis alus. Nowadays we are served up with the same sort of thing, but instead of being in such a playfully humorous tone, our advertisements are deplorably dry and uninteresting, and instead of so delightfully fantastic a conception we have a house described as having “all modern conveniences, H. & C. water, E.L., sewerage, etc.” Could there ever be a greater degradation to our advertisements than this? Surely they have fallen on hard times. Many things that we have fondly thought to be of modern origin are mercilessly claimed by the ancients. Thus in the London Evening News for an early issue a gentleman promises to forward to anyone the name of the winner of the Cesarewitch for a paltry fifteen pence in stamps. Nowadays, alas, such altruistic and benevolent announcements are no more. May they rest in peace! It is pitiful to think however, of the numbers who would now be rolling in wealth if they were brought back. Another philanthropic institution that has long since run its course is the State Lottery. It must have thriven exceedingly at the time, however, as in some papers there are half a dozen advertisements for different drawings. As the modern quack medicine advertiser sits in his off'ce amid the clicking of the typewriters, placidly smoking the prosperous cigar, he is apt mistakenly to think that his profession is a modern one, that his laborious and ungrammatical effusions are modern creations of modern life. He would doubtless be surprised to learn that the Craft has been in existence for three hundred years at least, and that advertisements have appeared in exactly the same moviesubtitle style in various old London newspapers. Pectoral Lozenges of Honey/’ appears to have had a good run; it is advertised in at least six papers over a period of about thirty years. Another well-known medicine is pompously advertised with the Latin heading. “Vide ct Crcde.” We get a glimpse of the times in “Publick Occurrences” for 1688. Ralph Hayward or Howard, an apprentice, has run away, and his master offers forty shillings reward for his return. He is described as “s> boy about seventeen years old, small in stature, dark brown hair, a little curled; down look; legs crooked with rickets.” Then again is ftn inquiry for William Dodd, missing. “It is suspected some violence has befallen him.”

Theatrical advertisements a-e much in evidence, written in practically the same style as they are to-day. There is one intriguingly called “Female Curiosity: or Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife,” and others bear the same well-known names of plays and pantomimes produced to-day.

We are apt to think that th? marriage question is of quite modern origin. However. there appear about the end of the seventeenth century several pamphlets on this and other questions. For instance there is an advertisement for “The Levellers; a dialogue between two young ladies concerning matrimony, proposing an Act for enforcing marriase, for the equality of matches, and the taxing of single persons. With an expression of the danger of celibacy to the nation.—Price 6d.” I wonder who these young ladies were, and how their revolutionary proposal* were accented. They must have been a uniaue pair, about three hundred year* before their time. One can’t imagine a nrim Victorian maiden conversing on such subjects. Perhaps the Georgians were a little freer, a little more like our modern bobbed-hair, cigarette and cocktail consuming demoiselles. Earlier still appear proposals of marriage in the Press—a thing which we have al wavs re warded as beins: of the most modern birth. They are couched, too, in mu'h the same terms: of course they are a trifle les* bald, though rhe same principle is there. “Middleaged widow desires the acquaintanceship of middle-aged widower; view matrimony.” There are a little more ornate than that, and a good deal more romantic. Hints of dark and amorous adventures are given, and though in these old papers we see only the stage setting for an adventure, still our imaginations are whetted and we can fill in the rest mentally in any way’ We please. Perhaps it is just as well; the parties probably settled down to a placid marital existence, unromantic and happy. A custom or institution that has long gone is the Sale by Candle, as opposed to the Sale by Auction. What this mysterious rite could have been I do not know, though, of course, the obvious guess is a sale at night-time, and it is probably wrong. I seem to remember something about the duration of the bidding being measured by the candle. Many and various are the articles offered for sale at these. We find such things as ambergris, sandalwood and wines offered up, and the advertisements

make better reading than our modern ones with their musty catalogues of second-hand furniture and other banal and unromantic things.

Ves, the self-satisfied advertising manager has a lot to learn. I don’t, suppose anyone, except perhaps the omnivorous bargain hunter, ever troubles to wade hrough the stagnant waters of that unliterary literature. But. it is not only in the advertisements that these times are decadent, though a perusal of old papers shows up our advertising columns most sharply for what they are. Still, we would expect a little more individuality, a little more originality, from our advertisers, and it is true, unfortunately true, that our advertising columns are somewhat dreary and dry for matter that should make quite good reading. But it all goes to prove r-hat little known though undoubtedly true aphorism “There’s nothing new under the sun.”