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Southland Times, Issue 14516, 16 December 1899, Page 1 (Supplement)

Counsel—l insist on an answer to my question. You have not told me all the conversation. 1 want to know everything that passed between you and Mr Jones on the occasion to which you refer.’ Reluctant Witness—l have told you everything of any consequence.’ ‘You have told me that you said to him, ‘Jones, this case will get into the court some day.’ Now, I want to know what he said in reply.’ ‘Well, he said; ‘Brown, there isn’t anything in this business that I’m ashamed of, and if any snoopin’, little, yee-hawin’ four-by-six, gimlet-eyed lawyer, with half a pound of brains and sixteen pounds of jaw, ever wants to know what I have been talking to you about, you can tell him the whole story.’ Wanted known, that every chemist and storekeeper who has a reputation to preserve, keeps Tussioura in stock. Price 2s 6d. Procurable from D. Roehe. Deestreet. Magistrate (to Old Offender)—l’m perfectly tired of seeing your face. Old Offender (ingratiatingly) —Well, I ain’t going to be so rude as to turn me back on yer worship ! A steamer was stopped owing to a dense sea-fog in the mouth of a river. An old lady inquired of the captain the cause of the delay. ‘Can’t see up the river,’ replied the captaio. ‘But I can see the stars overhead,’ continued the old party. ‘ Yes ; but until the boilers bu’st we ain’t a-going that way.’ Jones—How are you, Brown ? You look thin. Eating anything lately? BrownOnly soups. I’m training for a set of false Edith—My dog’s bark is worse than his bite. Ethel—So is inine ;he barks every night when Harold is leaving, and then papa wakes up and sees what time it is.’ Don’t ’saivle and smuttle like that; if you ve a cold, get a bottle of Tussioura, it only costs 2s d and ib will cure you. Rodney, dear, to-morrow is your birthday. What would you like best ? Rodney, dear (after a brief season of cogitation):—l think I’d like to see the schoolhouse burn down. Edith—lsn’t that Miss Gotrox’s yacht fast to the pier there? Jack—Yes; and there is' Miss Gotrox herself and Lord Doughnutty. She is fast to her peer, too.