NOTHING SERIOUS.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 29, Issue 46, 15 June 1917, Page 2

NOTHING SERIOUS.

BAD Ft'M? THE SKSHY. “Gross me, and with silver, kts-J sir,” whined the sunburnt girwy x* r ‘- The strapping stranger fiimy l**r a sixpence, and, disgusted with th-’ smallness of the sum, the cuacteller proceeded to pile on l‘»? as to the future of h«r client The strapping one. however, was quite unmoved, and evidently in a haste to mount liiv waiting motorMke, Noiii g his khaki-coloured motoring outfit, it struck the girl that he might be on war service, “Listen,” she hi.*a-d, hoping to witness bis discomforture, "it is written here”—pointing to his hand —“that a bitter and deadly foe i* about to crouv your path. Beware !’ “Right-oh ! ” he answered, ge-ting astride hia machine. “I Pity that chap, then, for I’m just off on t speed trial !” , A DUTIFUL CHILD. I In a happy little home in • West | era city there is a pretty, seven year j old daughter, named Jessie. P-cent ly Jessie forgot her parlour eti quette and was told by her mothei to go upstairs and sit on a certain chair until further orders. Straighl upstairs little JoccJc went. Straight to that certain chair little Jessie went. In fact, little Jennie obediently did all that her mother told hei to do. “Mamma,” finally called a small voice, after a half hour of cold, lonesome silence, “may I come down 1 I’ll be awfully good.” “No, Jessie !“ was the prompt response of the stern mother. “You remain where you arc until I call for you ! ” “All right, mamma,” returned little Jessie, with a sighful air of resignation ; “but I think I ought to tell you that I’m sitting on the new hat that you just bought !” Mrs. Nolubel (viewing a house for sale): “Oh, how beautiful ; oh, how lovely—how exquisite ! The magnificent surroundings make me abno lately speechless.” Her Husband : “Then ’whatever thf cost may he I’ll buy the house.” A WAY OUT. A leading theatrical manager tells the following story : "There was one chap,” he said, “I couldn’t get rid of. Dear me, he wa? persistent. 1 refused his farce seven times and he still kept turning up with it, rewritten here and there. The eighth time he came I told him firmly it was no use. ” ‘But, sir,’ he said, ‘is there no possible way you could put my farce ou the stage ?’ “‘Well,' said I, ‘there’s one ,way, but I don’t know if you’d submit ’ *' ‘Oh, I’d submit,’ he cried, ‘l’d submit to anything !•’ “ ‘Then,’ said I, ‘we’ll grind it up and use it as a snowstorm.’ ” ACCORDING TO RULE. Some time ago an insurance agent called ou an old lady fee her weekly premium, The policy-holder inforra|ed the agent tint she war going to j move to another town, and asked him to tell the van to call, j Not grasping the meaning of the j reference to the van, the agent ques- | tioned the old lady, and gathered that she wanted a removal van. Said the Agent: “How amen de you wish to pay ?” “Pay ! Why, nothing 'at all. Your company does that,” Being surprised, the agent asked what she meant, on which she showed him in the premium book this rule ’. “Members removing from one district to another will be transferred free of charge.” Johnson: “Were you at the con-, cert, Jones ?” Jones : “Yes, part of the time.” Johnson : “Did you hear me sing ‘The Wolf’ ?” Jones ; “ ‘The Wolf ?’ How did it go ?” Johnson (singing) : “Whilst the wolf, in nightly prowl, fcays the moon with hideous Jones (expressively); “Oh, yes ; 1 remember the hodeous howl.*” TOO STRENUOUS. The housewife was showing her new maid through the upstairs apartments. Finally, they came to a staircase leading down into the hackyard. “Now, Mary,” said the housewife, ' stepping out on to the landing, whenever you wish to pass down to the backyard, go this way.” At that moment the good housewife slipped. With a great thumping noise, she was precipitated to tha bottom.

“Goodness gracious, mum !” gasped the affrighted maid, »taring down from above. “Arc you hurt?” “No ; it’s nothing came the reply, as the dishevelled mistress rose to her feet in. proof.

“Then you got down it fine, in'ini !” she declared “Put if that’s the way I’ve got tc go down, the job’s too strenuous for me.”

. USED TO IT. “Need any more talent for your moving picture dramas ?” “We might use you. Had any experience at acting without audiences, before ?” “Acting without audiences ia what brought me here.”

“Now, remember, when you are marching,” shouted the instructor, “the men who -have arms must swing their right arms, and those without arms must swing both. Section, quick—march !”

Who said it was “Never too lata to mend ?” Perhaps it was somebody who was in no hurry to begin.