JUSTICE IN CELESTIAL GULCH.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 29, Issue 35, 8 May 1917, Page 7

JUSTICE IN CELESTIAL GULCH.

COMPLETE SHORT STORY.

South-east of Kootenay Pass, juit by the border of British Columbia, was the mining camp of Celestial Gulch. As the last customer left the bar-room of the Miners’ Rest the heathen help blew out the last candle, wished his master “goodee nightee,” made much pretence of rolling into his blankets, then silently slipped out of the shanty. It was the first hour of the first day of the week. So the heathen prepared himself for the Lord’s Day by playing fantan till dawn. Then Johnny started to snealf home, beaming with smiles as he •counted the winnings with which Joss had blessed hia worshipper. But the yellow face grew graver and the step more stealthy as he approached the hut of "Goliah” Bluff, hoping to hear the bully’s blusterous snores. Vain hope. Mr. Bluff had gone to bed more drunk than usual. Ho was standing in his doorway, with parched throat, thirsting for a piok-me-up. “Hi, Johnny !” Johnny smiled fearfully, hurrying past with quaking knees. “Men 0 can stoppee,” he stammered, “Misser Downey wantee hrekfus. Goodee morning, Misser Bluffee. Half a dozen strides brought the bully alongside, and Johnny' was unceremoniously seized by the nape of the neck.

“Oh-hee, Misser Bluflee-ee-e !’ poor Johnny squealed, wriggling up In the air, with pigtail writhing like an agonised snake. “Get me a bottle of whisky, you. slit-eyed pig,” growled Goliah. “Fo-ar dollar,” gasped Johnny, as he stretched out a claw-like hand. “Chalk it up. Now, git !” Upon being released Johnny subsided in a heap on to the ground. “Will you git ?” asked Mr. Bluff.

“No dollar, Misser Downey, no me givee grogee,” explained Johnny. Then the Chinaman was uplifted by a No. 14 boot, hove three paces homeward, and dumped in the dust on his beam end.

“Oh, cußsee ! Melican man cussee foolea !” he murmured, slinging once more to mother earth, rubhing his assaulted person.

The thirsty Mr. Bluff, with a f ace of apoplectio fury, drew his bowieknife, seized Johnny’s queue, and with one stroke cut it clean off, and leaving the bull'et-liks head bare as a yellow pumpkin. The Mongolian sprang to his feet shrieking Celestial oaths, danced a APlowery Land war-dance down the road', and kicked up clouds of dust, in which he disappeared.

Upon the following Sunday Mr. Bluff did not leave his bed. He had been murdered, and a committee of inquest assembled in Downey’s barroom. The Miners’ Rest liquors being of curious make, the landlord was voted foreman for the sake of safety from accidental suicide. An hour later four committeemen came out, for whom without a word the crowd' made a lane. Through this the “Avenging Angels’’ solemnly marched, with loaded pistols in their belts, while around their heads floated the peculiar aroma of Downey’s whisky.

In a tent on the outskirts of the camp resided the partners Sara Smith and Pat Flanagan. The former was thin skinned, and it is notorious that the sandy soil of the Gulch swarms with flies. On this Sunday, at the first streak of daylight, Sam turned out from his blankets in grim silence, pulled on his clothes, and strolled away up the Gulch. An hour or so later there came out from the nearest shanty a young girl, who unknowingly followed Sam’s footsteps, and presently saw the young man himself. He was lying upon his back wriggling from side to side, muttering what sounded like selections from some Chinese opera.

“Say, Mr. Smith, you look so—so dreadful. Whatever ails you ?” “Ails me !” he echoed, uncomfortably. “Oh, Lord' !—nothing. I didn’t sleep very well, that’s all. Don’t trouble.”

“But, see, there’s blood on your fingers. Oh, Mr. Smith, you”

“Confound it !” he broke in, “don’t worry yourself about me, Bell. I’ll just go and have a wash in the stream.”

At that moment four men came up —the four “Avenging Angels” from the inquest committee. “Hullo ! What’s up ?” cried Mr. Smith. “You look as solemn as four gravediggers.” .. “We arrest y,ou, Sam Smith,” said the leader, “for the murder of Goliah Bluff,”

Round the biggest table in Downey’s bar-room sat twelve jurymen, with Kentucky Joe at their head as judge, the latter’s chair being elevated upon a champagne case. To the right sat the prisoner, Sam Smith ; on the left the sheriff, with a vacant space in front for witnesses. Thereat of the room was filled with miners, smoking, drinking, and conversing with considerable profanity. It was Sunday, about morning service time ; but the Celestial Gulchers were not a religious community, usually observing the Lord’s Day as a day whereon to do their washing and mending. "Open the court !” ordered the sheriff, in a loud voioe.

Johnny trotted to the door and banged a big frying-pan with an iron ladle, as was his custom at mealtimes and similar eeremonies. "Si-lence !” shouted the sheriff, as the Chinaman’s roulade away in awful echoes amongst the mountains, bringing wild animals afirightedly from their holes, and a howl of frightfully; bad language from the

whole bar-room till Johnny was for-

cibly disarmed. “Boys !’’ cried Kentucky Joe, when the gruS voices grew hushed, “I’m an oneddicated man, but I’ll run justice on the square. I’m denied sorry to see Sam Smith in this here position.’’

“Likewise myself,” observed the foreman of the jury, who prided himself on well-chosen words. “And us, too,” chimed in the other eleven.

“Pat Flanagan,” said the judge, “you’re Sam’s pard, and you sleeps in the same tent. What time did Sam turn in last night ?” “Shure an’ I niver consulted me watch, for I was sound asleep, judge.”

“What time did you wake, Pat ?”

“When thim four chaps comes alookin’ for me pard, an’ I see’d Sam had just got up and gone out.”

Miss Mehetable Brown admitted finding Sam lying on the ground greatly agitated, with blood on his hand, which he explained by saying he had not slept well. Then Miss Brown retired, weeping. “The case now’s just this,” said 1 the judge. “Nigh about three weeks agone, Sam an’ Golly had a bit o’ a scrimmage. Sam gits the wust on it, and swars to git quits on Golly. Golly gits rubbed out. Them’s the facks—eh, Sam ?” “Well, yes, pretty near,” assented the prisoner. “But I never even knew Golly was dead until after my arrest.”

“What made you turn out o’ yer blankets so derned early, Sam ?” the judge asked sternly. And Sam gravely answered : “Plies.”

“An’ what brought blood on yer hand, an’ made ye groan and squirm on the ground, Sam ?” Again came the grave reply : “Plies, judge.”

“Sam Smith,” said the judge, “I allers have respected you as a purty smart man till now. But a man as’ll be rediclus enough for to try an’ prove a alleybl on the evidence o' flies mus’ be a derned ijit.” Then the judge turned to the sheriff. “Produce that weapon and lay it on the table, sheriff.”

The sheriff unrolled a long package and disclosed a woodman’s axe,which he placed upon the table. On the handle were two roughly-cut letters, “S. S.”

“That weapon yourn, Sam Smith ?” asked the judge. “It was found aside o’ the corpse.” “Mine ! What the” began the astonished prisoner as he went to the table.

Then his colour faded, and his eyes filled with horror. He realised that he was in deadly peril, and that the crowd sat with hushed breath, awaiting his answer.

“Yes, it’s mine !” he cried, staggering back to his chair. “But— What does it mean ?”

Pat Flanagan brought his partner some whisky, and stood eagerly talking to him for soma two or three minutes, while the jury, considering' the case settled, handed in their verdict. Each man wrote his own opinion on a separata slip of paper, a majority of two-thirds being necessary for a verdict. Amid dead silence the foreman handed in • a sheaf of slips, and the judge read gulltee, .guilty, geelty, gilty, gelty, gility, ghilty, glltey, gilte, giltee, giltty, “Here’s only ’leven, foreman !” he remarked to that functionary. Then that long-worded gentleman handed in his own particular one —"Ghuilty, with extratenuatlng sarcumstances.” The judge studied it for some time, thoughtfully scrubbing his bald head with his knuckles.

“Say, foreman,” he said at last, “what on this crowded-out is the meaning of extra-ten-u-atin’ sarcumstances’ ?”

“Them excrutiatln’ flies, judge.” “Eh ? is that all ?” exclaimed old Joe, wonderingly. “An’ exceteras, judge, “Ah—yes—jus’ so,” murmured the puzzled judge, who then turned and addressed the prisoner. “Sam,” said

he, ..“if you’ve a mind to say anything afore we finish up, better spout it out now, afore I pronounce sentence. The jury’s given it agin you unanimous, harrin’ the spellin’.” After a last whisper with his partner, the prisoner rose to his feet, looking almost himself again. He protested his Innocence vehemently, derided the absurdity of such circumstantial evidence, and then said : “Did not Johnny the Obiaaman suffer a worse outrage at Golly Bluff’s hands than myself ? Did not Johnny also vow revenge ? What would not a Chinaman do to recover his beloved pigtail ?” “Any mortal thing,” yelled the crowd.

“Wouldn’t, he commit murder 7” "You bet !” was the answering cry. "Well, judge, gentlemen of the jury, .and friends aH, I can say no more eicepting this Golly had the pigtail locked up in bis big chest. He showed it only last evening to Pat Flanagan. And now, look, there it is.hanging down Johnny’s back ! How did' he get it ?”

For half a minute there was su pause of incredulous silence, during which the prisoner resumed his seat and lit his pipe. Johnny was mixing an eye-opener at the bar, with his back to the crowd and his pigtail in full view. Suddenly he found himself seized and trotted from the refreshment bar to the bar of justice, where he stood like an image of innocence, with a half-fall tumbler in each hand. "Now, Johnny,” said the judge, when the heathen bad been sworn by having a saucer broken on his head and paying a dollar for the damage, "you owed Golly Bluff a bit o’ a grudge for cuttin’ off that pigtail—eh, Johnny ?” A gleam of hate glinted across the

yellow face. The twinkling eyes grew red with blood, and the sharp teeth showed white as the Chinaman let out a snarl, and said : “Misser Bluflee he cussee foolee !”

“Wal, he’s rubbed out now, so shut that talk an’ answer me. You was in his shanty this niornin’, wasn’t you, Johnny ?” “Yah, me wentee.” “An’ ye went for to rub out Mr. Bluff ’cause o’ your pigtail, eh ?’’ “Yah, judgee. Me likee see him cussee Melican man killee deadee. Me wantee queue welly mushly. Me got ’im.”

Johnny caressed his queue lovingly, and crowed with delight. Celestial smiles beamed from his eye-slits, and blissful chuckles bubbled up from be-" low.

“An’ how did you manage to do it, you murderin’ devil ?” Johnny pointed both hands and nodded at the blood-stained axe, at the same time chuckling fit to choke himself.

“Me choppee— ah-he—yah !” “Wal, that settles it right away exclaimed the judge, with ah awful look of disgust, while the jury prepared slips for another unanimous verdict. “But let’s make sure.. Now, you skunk, jest tell us. It was that identical weapon as you done the job with ?”

“Yah, judgee, yah. Me choppee, choppee, choppee,” replied Johnny, with rapturous delight.

There was a moment of dead calm. Then the crowd rose with a yell of rage.

Finding the verdict again unanimous, old Joe clapped his hat on tight and was about to pronounce sentence, when an interruption occurred. The red-faced landlord, Mr. Downey, rushed into the room. “Say, judge, what’s up with my boy Johnny ?” Tys shouted. ‘‘Si-lence !” roared the sheriff. “What’s up ?” again demanded, Mr. Downey. “You’ve convicted Sam. You can’t hang two men for one murder, you know.” “Ah, that’s so, sure,” said the judge. “Say, Sam”—turning to prisoner No. I—“you’re hereby acquitted of this here murder an’ apollygized to fer it.. Shake, Sam. Little mistakes does happen now an’ agin, an’ has to be oblit’rated an’ forgot.” The ex-prisoner and the judge shook accordingly, after which the latter retired from the room amidst unamimous cheers. Mr. Downey stood staring in mute astonishment, and only recovered his voice when the sheriff had produced the rope for hanging Johnny.

“Who says Johnny’s guilty ?’’ he asked.

“Hisself, the skunk !” replied the judge. “Why, he actually glorifies hisself for doin’ it.”

The judge swore in disgust ; the crowd uttered a low growl. The prisoner smiled blandly upon everybody, while the sheriff carefully arranged the noose for Johnny’s neck.

The murder ■ had been discovered shortly before daylight by Abiram Sharp, who had gone to borrow a few matches from Goliah Bluff. After quietly gazing at the (lead body for some seconds, Abiram leisurely examined its surroundings. "Seems to me,” he muttered, "as how the Chinaman has squar’d accounts mighty quick, if this here’s his handiwork. Don’t look like any white man’s, nohow.” The corpse was lying across the bedding, the head, partly, doubled over on the breast, being»against the side of the shanty. There was a peculiar cut on the forehead, as though the weapon had glanced on the skull. 0n the floor lay an axe, which Abiram minutely inspected, and carefully placed on the top of Bluff’s big box. One of the huge hands was tightly clenched, which Abiram forced open, standing over it in deep thought for some time. Just as dawn began to break he went to the Miners’ Rest, and reported the murder to Downey, whom he nearly frightened into a fit of apoplexy. Leaving the fat landlord to take such immediate steps as were necessary, Abiram proceeded to rouse his partner, Arizona Dick. This gentleman owned a rhinoceros-hided mule, and Abiram was master of a buck-jumping mustang. Mounted on these steeds, accompanied by a melancholy hound, the two men rode away at a sharp pace due south.

About three o’clock in the afternoon Abiram again appeared in camp, and met Sam Smith as the latter was leaving the court. Half an hour later Abiram walked into the courtroom and quietly seated himself in the first vacant seat, which was the witness-chair, and found Downey hotly. arguing in favour of his "boy.”

“What !” exclaimed Johnny’s master, “d’ye mean to say that he confessed to killing Golly himself ?” “Most sartny, Downey,’’ replied the judge. “Then the heathen fool must have perjured himself just on purpose to get hung, for he was with me all night, from when the last man left this here room till Abiram- Sharp come first thing this morning and told me of the "murder. Johnny and me was working the hull night in the spirit department.” The landlord commenced proving it hy cross-questioning his boy—prisoner No. 2. The sheriff, having serenely tried the noose’s working on the neok of his friend the judge, was now listening in open-mouthed astonishment to the reopened examination, which resulted in the following explanation of the Chinaman’s English. It turned out that Johnny had 'really spent the night under the roof 'and eye of his master, and that the worthy couple had gone together at •daylight to Bluff’s shanty, shortly after Abirarn’s departure from the camp. With heathenish glee the Celestial had clouted over his enenur’a

corpse, and burgled his own lost loeked-up pigtail.

“Me choppee boxee o-pen widdy hatchee. Me no killee Misser Bluffee ; he deadee alleddy,” Johnny explained, with a sigh of regret at having been forestalled.

The Anal proof of his innocence came from Abiram Sharp, who swore that Bluff’s box was intact when be left the shanty.

“We’ve give in two unanimous verdicks, all fur nuthin’,” grumbled the jury.

“An’ it’s a onloocldated mystery still,” sighed the foreman. “An’ now we ain’t got nary prisoner at all !” cried the judge ; “an’ previous we’d got a couple—one too many ! Say, Abiram !” “Wal, judge.V " ’Twere you as discovered the murder, warn’t it ?” “That’s so, judge.” ' “S’poae you jest discover the murderer, then, will you ?” “Sartny, judge,” replied Abiram, rising and walking to the door. Putting his head outside he uttered a piercing whistle, then leisurely sauntered back to his chair. Half a minute later a scowling savage appeared iipon the scene, his hands tied behind him, with Arizona Dick and Sam Smith on either side and Pat Flanagan close in rear.

“There you are, judge,” remarked Abiram, placidly. “What’s this?” cried old Joe, startled out of judicial decorum by this sudden “denouement.” “The murderer, Judge.” “It’s that blessed Siwash,” said Sam Smith, “who came and asked me last evening for tobacco, and I set him to work chopping wood to earn it, and he slipped away when my back was turned. He said his name was —something like ‘Sugar. “ Shuh—shuh—gah !” grunted the savage, with a scowl at Sam. “That’s the very identical beast,” observed Abiram—“the same murdering beast as rubbed out Golly bluff with your axe, Sam.” “Wal,” snorted the judge, “this is like a game o’ blind man’s huff. Fust we tries a clean white man an’ convicts him ! Then we acquits him an’ convicts a smilin’ yallcr Chinee. Then we acquits him, all equally unanimous ! An’ now we’ve collared a howling red Indian, an’ got to go it all over agin ! Say, Abiram, if you don’t look spry an’ clear up this big tangle, we’ll be convictin’ of you next, all unanimous, as usual.” Abiram drew up his stretched-out legs, and nodded calmly. “That’s so, judge, sure,” he observed, at last. “You remember how Jthe Injuns who’d discovered the placer made room for us 'quite peaceable till Golly Bluff swore one on ’em had stolen his pick, and then up gun and shot the chief, Miahemckwa. Wal, this here Shuh-shuh-gah, as is st an din’ thar now, air that Mishcmokwa’s brother, an’ swore he’d kill Golly Bluff at sight. An’ now he’s bin an’ gone an’ done it.” “Golly,’s rubbed out, yes,” said the judge. “But how do yo know as it were this Injun as done it ?”

"Why, the varmint actually said he were darned proud o’ havin’ doit' it. What more do ye want?” "Oh, he confessed to it, did he ?” "That’s what ! Me an’ my pard squoze it out o’ his red hide with a stirrup strap.” "Squoze out what?” "Why, the hull consarn, all cock-a-whoop. Shoo-sugar yelled out th< hull programme of the murder, with all the scenery. Besides, ain’t he got on Golly’s coat, which is ’bout fourteen sizes too big for him ? an’ ain’t he a-wearing Golly’s boots, stuffed most chock full o’ hay to make ’em hold on ? An’ ain’t”

"An’ why for gracious sake, couldn’t you have said so afore'? If you’d on’y mentioned that at fust start, Abiram, he’d bin strung up straight by now, an’ we’d ’most finished dinner,” expostulated the hungry judge. There was on the camp outskirt a certain tree, black and dead, with one long lateral arm, from which a shapeless thing once the body of a living man—was swinging in the sunlight. When this pendant had been removed, to make room for a more ornamental red Indian, and the court formalities had all been wound up to the general satisfaction, it was sunset.

When the_ “Avenging Angels” went « to bring Shuh-shuh-gah, they found a newly-made hole in the roof and the late Golly Bluff’s No. 14 boots on the floor. That was all. Prisoner No. 3, having got tired of waiting, had gone without saying "Go®a-bye.”;i Which was' an unexpected outcome. THE END. i