MME, DELPHIN’S CARTER.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 12, Issue 27, 5 April 1901, Page 1 (Supplement)

MME, DELPHIN’S CARTER.

THE JUDGMENT Of THE BAIL-ROOM. The fote was at its height. Ibe dowagers had long since abandoned tlig field, followed by the senators, the academicians, and the other bald heads. The mothers, by force or by persuasion, had led away their innocent lambs; grumbling husbands had made off with their wives; model spouses had cleared the way for those who are not models. There were no kill-joys left and the dance went on madly,, up and down, across and through the bali-room. No more decorum, the convenances were relegated to the cloak-room. Propriety had taken flight at the first battery of popping champagne corks. Speeches grew bolder, scruples weakened, harsh virtue softened, resistance ceased. Everyone was enjoying himself prodigiously. At the close of supper several men having mysteriously vanished, a suspicion arose that they had deserted the company in a cowardly manner. Little Baroness Bob proposed to organise a search party. She led the way in the exploration, and a great many madcaps of both sexes —specially of the other sex -responded to her cry: “ Who loves me follows me!” For everybody loves Bob. You must know the little baronne, as big as nothing at all,but making enough noise for four, more intrepid in pleasure than a hussar at the charge, always on the go, and never tired, her fluffy golden head crammed full of mischief, a chattering and teasing bird, hopping from branch to branch, and making the sternest unbend with her merry peals of laughter. You may have asked yourself how Bob came by the odd name by which her friends and enemies know her —but no, Bob has no enemies. Don’t cudgel your brains about the question—no one ever knew, she herself no better than the rest. All that is certain is that her imprudent parents baptised her by the imperial name of Irene. With her saucy face, her witching eyes, her greetly red mouth, her turned-up nose, her tomboy ways, it was out of the question to apply it to her. You might as well put Mme. dtMaintenon’s caps on Lisette. Her parents could not foresee the turn she would take, and had added bad to worse by gratifying, her as a second name, with Zoe, in honour of an aunt, a canoness with a fortune that must not be let slip. Fancy had to be invoked. That’s why she is known as Bob. 80, little,Baronne Bob, with her escort, reached the smoking-room, where she found the deserters settled down to a surreptitious game of poker. In an impulse of legitimate indignation she bounded upon a chair, whence she sprang upon the table. With a twist of her dainty, satin-ahod foot she overturned the candelabra, that rolled with a crash to the floor. With her other foot she kicked the cards into the faces of the players, not without letting them catch a suggestive vista of filmy petticoats that reconciled them to the vivacity of her proceedings. Then, filling her hands With the gold heaped on the green clcth: “ For my poor people!” she cried. And chaining the hands of the lacheurs in the links of an irresistible farandole, the jocund band dragged them back into the drawing-rooms, where they were greeted by enthusiastic acclamations. It was the match that touched off a new explosion of delirium. They were tired of dancing, but they wanted to get up some new lark. Bo they took into their heads to place themselves in two rows, the women on one side, the men on the other, and to jump to order, with feet close together, as high as they could, They seemed to get an immense amount of enjoyment out of this sport, while in the ante-chambers,' through the halfopened portieres, the knowing-looking lackeys watched the raarquTses jumping. Before long people began to be out of breath, and the most sinewy ankles commenced to call for a rest. Suddenly Gontran d’Argencourt, the maddest leader of the sarabande, stopped short after a tremendous leap. Stooping quickly, he picked up some object that no one could make out. and, raising.it in his closed fist, he cried out in a voice that dominated the bacchanalia: “ Ladies, let any of you who have lost anything claim it of me!” A sudden, startling silence fell—one of those treacherous silences where one catches indiscreet tails of phrases that one thought one was murmuring in a subdued voice, but that one was really shouting at the top of one’s voice. The women’s nervous hands rose mechanically, according to the nature of their inward preoccupations, to their necklaces or to their back hair. It would be false to assert that everything was in order, but nothing was lacking, at least, and no one breathed a word. “ Don’t all speak at once,” he went on. “ Look everywhere. No? No one wants it ? You’re agreed? Once, twice, three times—l’ll show you my treasure tiove.” And opening Ilia hand above his head, he waved a garter—what a garter! An old elastic of the nameless green that you know, sordid, soiled, raveled . lamentably puffy—about such as Macbeth’s witches must have worn if, as is hardly likely, the old beldames made use of this article of dress. A evy of horror rose that soon changed into a peal of mad mirth. D’Argencourt was the only one who maintained his dignity. Abandoning all hope of making himself heard in the midst of the noise, he seized a pair of tongs that he found in a corner, and. by striking sounding blows on the andirons, ho succeeded in obtaining silence. “ Really, mesdaraes, this is no laughing matter. Are you not aware of the fact that the darkest of suspicions are resting on one and all of you ?” An indignant clamour rose like a billow. He waited, as imperturbably as a minister in the tribune; and when the storm had subsided, he continued; “ It is not enough to protest your innocence. Vain words will not satisfy the outraged public conscience—what we want is the head of the guilty party. For, gentlemen-I appeal bo you—there is a guilty party, is there not ?” v A chorus of black and pink coats, to the classical rhythm of “ Les Lampions “ Tbe-guil—ty! The—guil—ty!” “ Now I need hardly tell you, ladies—your barrister friend, Foljatube, whom I see over therein the corner, will instruct you if ycu are ignorant—that every accused person is reputed guilty unless he can furnish a proof of his innocence.” “I beg your pardon—ifs the other way around,” “ Nonsense! Well, you are all accused

—and would to Themis the accusations made by Foljmnbe were all as well founded as these—the gentlemen here present, together with myself, in the role of supreme judges-—” A voice; No politics here! “ —Require you to make an ocular, if not a tangible proof.” The chorus of black and pink coats, who begin to see what he'ia driving at, cry. “ Tangible, tangible !” “No. gentlemen, no; be reasonable, the ocular demonstration will suffice. The ocular demonstration, I repeat, that you are all innocent of the crime of lesemodesty committed in this drawingroom.” Once more he waved the appalling object above his head, while the chorus, in a state of excitement, vociferated on the same air, “Give the proof! Give the proof!” “ It is not for me to inform you of the means of giving the required demonstration; you have, no doubt, guessed it already. Merely allow me to inform you that the gentlemen and I will not leave the house till we have received satisfaction. I may add that every refusal to assist justice will be considered a confession—we know what we will have to do in that ease. I have spoken.” Thunders of masculine applause greeted these words. In the feminine clan there was a murmur of revolt, wild gestures and scandalised outcries, fainting fits, starts, murmurs of intimidated modesty, blushes concealed behind fans by the coquettish gesture that shows off the roundness of a bare arm; slim bodies thrown back in chairs in attitudes that brought out the modeling of lair shoulders—a whole arsenal of coquetries. A few assumed an innocent air, pretending not to understand what was up; others contented themselves with laughing heartily. Several began to defend themselves like veritable demons, and it was observed that these were the very ones who have the imputation of being easy of approach. Some seemed ill at ease and darted furtive glances toward the door, but the exit was guarded by thirty pairs of eyes as keen as basilisks’. The women exchanged looks from under their lids, asking themselves whom they ought to suspect, for D’Argencourt was right; some one was guilty. By a common accord all eyes had converged on the three old ruins who seem to have assumed the mission of lighting and of putting out the candles at all festivities. To begin with monumental Countess de la Koche-Quiroule, there are reasons to believe—though assuredly no one has gone to look—that her dress of bottle-green velvet, legendary for the last quarter-century in all draw-ing-rooms where people sup, revived this winter by panels of prune moire, conceals neglected under-pinning. Others bet heavily on old Baronne de I’Esoarbille; she is to be excused for exhibiting everywhere, from' the earliest to the latest hour, herhalf-washed, coal-heaver’s face, when one reflects that at home she would find herself en tete-a-tete with her mirror. Suspicion rested too on Marquise Huiuez de Fon ten com bias; tall, bony, famishedlocking, in her narrow dress of black satin, threadbare at the elbows.enJivened by a paste necklace; she doesn’t dine the evenings that she goes out. and never beats a retreat till she has cleared the last plate of petits fours. Most of the malevolent hypotheses weie directed against this trio; the men laid their wagers in loud tones, while the women whispered together, smothering shrill laughter behind their fans. A discordant noise suddenly resounded in the midst of the uproar. Little, Baronne Bob had borrowed the presidential tonga from Gontran. Clashing them with all their might, she demanded silence. “ My children, it’s not as bad as he says—as he remarked just now, it’s not a question of posing for the altogether.” “ I beg your pardon—l said nothing oi the kind.” “ No matter—that’s what yon meant. The proprieties are a fine thing, but there are eases—a great many eases—where you have to sit on them, In fact, they have only been invented with this end in view—so a philosopher declares; I’ve forgotten his name.” A voice puts in: Confucius. “ Thanks. After all, there is nothing to make such a fuss about. We are acting as if we had to catch the moon with our front teeth! The gentlemen only ask us to show them our garters ? Don’t they ?” The chorus of black and pink coats, more and more excited: The—gar—ters! The—gar—tera! Bob, with great eternity; Well, then, let us show them and put an end to it. Whereupon, suiting the action to the word, she sank down upon a corner of the divan, hastily lifted her Bengal-rose tulle skirt, and, with the serenity inspired by a pure conscience, she stretched out a pair of slim, rounded legs, molded in stockings the tint of cuisse de nympbe emue, gold-clocked, held up by ruches of the same coloured satin, clasped by an enamelled serpent biting his tail. Something of a glimpse of all this had been caught a little earlier in the evening, in the midst of the clandestine game where the baronne had played the role of policeman as fantastically as energetically; but no one was sorry to have a closer view, and the black and pink coats pressed forward in a serried squadron. “Eh bien P Ca ly est ?” she inquired, putting up her insolent little nose. “ Yee ? You are satisfied ? Very well. Whose turn is it now P” Bob’s concise eloquence had conquered scruples and stimulated courage. Besides, was not every one’s reputation seriously compromised ? Without regarding the vehement protestations of husbands, and the mute ones of several masculine friends, the women went in for a display of limbs that would have damned Bt. Anthony himself. D’Argeucourt had assumed the office of referee. With his monocle well screwed into his eye. assisted by collaborators who were as thorough as they were competent, insisting with courteous firmness when there was any doubt or any perfidious intention of leading astray the judgment of the inspectors, pausing willingly when the examination of the “pieces a conviction” offered a true professional interest, passing rapidly by those that were of no real value. Charming things were seen and envious discoveries made. It was observed that little Ninette de BaintFlorian, the pretty Dresden china figurine, with a strawberry for a mouth and two forget-rae-nots for eyes, has moat plebeian ankle?, and that beautiful Mine, de Bottenville’s statuesque shoulders accompany—calves that are like coatsleeves; while divine Diana-like limbs —long, slim, of an exquisite design and of exquisite modeling—were recognised .?s belonging in all propriety to Princess biecla Jemenfichska—tall, artistic, and blageur, to wbomnot a man has thought of paying court for fear she should turn out to be agavroche dressed as a woman. Legs flat and legs round, dumplings and pipe stems, thin, well-tilled and neatly turned; legs wise and lege foolish, spiritual and stupid, under-bred and thorough-bred ; legs majestic and legs cordial, legs exciting and legs calming, legs deceiving ana legs suggestive—what’s in a leg ! And in a stocking ! Haughty, insolent red-stockings; immodest, perverse black stockings ; reserved, discreet gray stockings; capricious, madcap pink stockings; refined and subtle heliotrope stockings; timid and tender dove coloured stockings ; envious, revengeful brown stockings; imaginative, decadent green stockings;

blue ftocklngs fancy, there wen actually a few blue stockings 1 sky-blne, to be sure—the colour of constancy. There was even a pair of white stockings! —openwork, lisle thread. They belonged to the wife of a Radical depute ; she had strayed, no one knows how, into this milieu far livelier than that of politics }- her young husband is so devoted to society that she would rather mother him till daybreak,than leave him alone to play the bachelor. And all these stockings wei’e able to exhibit their garters, about which many other peculiarities could be noted were there no fear of taxing your patience. One and all came out victors in their ordeal, and, as positively ho trickery was possible, it was self-evident that the guilty one was among the guests who had left before the frolie began. But which one P “ I’ve got it!” suddenly cried the hostess. “It is Mme. Delphin.” “ p?f” “ Yes, Mme, Delphin, my tenant. The widow of the first president of an Auvergne court; she had only three teeth left. I’ve let her the first floor on the court-yard, that bad times have forced me to tit up in the old stables. She left just as supper was announced. It’s Mme. Delphin’s garter.” The chorus of guests: “ Long live Mme. Delphin !” Somebody suggested making a neat parcel of the offending garter, that had Been hung up by D’Argencourt on the chandelier, whence it looked on at its ignominy, resigned, hebetated, and lamentable; it would be sent by the next mail to Mme. la Presidente, But Mme. de Joyeulambry, who is considerate to her tenants decided that that would be carrying the jest a little too far ; she requested everyone to let it go no further. So they merely drank a glass of" champagne to Mme. Delphin’s health. After which, as everything must come to an end, the carriages drew up before the door in the wan, cold light of a dim dawn that oasts a green mask over worn faces, a shiver oyer bare shoulders, an icy cloak over the suddenly checked mirth. And everyone went his own way to bed, while the street-sweepers, already at their morning task, said to each other : “ Matin ! there are some citizens who have paid for a rousing time, all the same !” A week later, Mme. de Joyenlambry’s friends received an autographed circular, worded as follows: “ Amends made to Mme. Delphin. An investigation carried on with the prudence and skill demanded by so delicate a matter has shown that the worthy lady afflicted with gout in her knees, wears stocking-suspenders instead of garters. On the other hand, certain clews having pointed to a put-up job, the inquest has been pursued and the certainty has been acquired tbat the garter was brought by Gontran d’Argencourt, who, with the perfidious object in view that is known to you all, had bought it for a round sura from his mother’s old cook. "With the pretext of grouse-shooting in Scotland, the criminal has fled hom merited punishment. He will get it on his return ; you are one and all invited to deliberate on the penalty that he should pay for such outrageous treachery.” He can fearlessly come back to make amends lor his contumacy ;no one will harm him, for Mme. Delphin never got wind of it, and everybody had a hearty laugh.