HARDLY EVER AT HOME.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume VI, Issue 809, 14 June 1879, Page 2

HARDLY EVER AT HOME.

When th|(pedler rang Mr Bird's <x- j4| (bell tho ojher cl(iy, Mr Bird opened the .door. MF Birjl? had the baby upon his* arm and thgfre" were four other children at his heels. . ' •Is the lady of the house in V naked 'i the pedler. p 'Certainly she isn't,' replied Bird 'She is out. She is poronuiallv and eternally out!' •' 'Where-can ißeerher ?, "— r «-««- --' Wliy^go down to the woman suf-fage-'club-room'; -and' if she isn't there, go .to, the. society for the prevention. 6f cruelty to animals ; and if she isn't there visit'the hall of the association for nlleviating the miseries of the Senegambians and if she has liuialifed* uj?! there, look for her at the church aid society, or at the Ninth Ward soup .hot&e;, /btf th*- 1 house of the one-legged, br the' refuge ' for infirm dogs, or the', hospital for the asthmatic, or tlie v St. PoHcaffr orphan asylum 1 or at some of these places. If you get on her track, you'll see more paupers and strong-minded woman and tinderclothing for the heathen than you evdr saw in the whole courae^f your life.' • •' I wantetf to self her a cooUhandled' imt-iron, just out. Do you think she will buy one:?' - i* j i t '; ' She will if you can prove that the naked oannibals iii Seiiegambia artf yearning for cold-handled .flat-irons. She would buy diamond breast pins fot those niggeja if they wanted them I believe.' - 'I intend also to offer her a new kind of hair pin, which,'—'All right. You ' just go down to'the hotaie for the ond- ' legged and 7 persuade .those cripples to cry for immbveable liatf-pins, and ab.e'll order 'em by the ton.' - ' Has she^any cbidren T ' Well Tin the one that appears to be having 'em ju»t now, anyhow*' -<:'■■ ' Because I have a gum»-top for feed, ing bottles that 'is the nicest jyou: i ever * 1 Now said Mr Bird,' «I'll tell you what you do. . You get those pauper to,. swear they can't eat t.he soup they get at the soup-house with spoons ; * they must have it from bottles with, a rubber muzzle, and Mrs Bird wjll keep you bo busy supplying the dematid that you will not have t*. chance to sleep. You just try tit.- !Buy up*the''paupers ! Bnpp.em.yr-. , • ' <i r;r r « Howl] Ikubwhjßr^see^ li * Why she's a very largo/ wojnan Wi&l a Bent ndse, and she talks all ttfe ■ tIM,. You'll hear her talking as you get \mk- } in a mile of her. She'll askyou to subscribe to the Senegariibian fund and to the asthmatic asylum, before, ..you can get your breath. V TPrtfbably she'll read you four or five letters-from-reformed cannibals. But don't you niind 'ein, • My opinion is she wrote them.hQrself. fAnd with baby singing a Vociferous solo and the other ohildreh clinging to his legs, Mr Bird retreated and.shut the door, The pedler had determined to propose to a girl.'.that; n^ght. He changed his mind and resolved to remain a bachelor. ;.;:!/.;> v.< -, . r-