THE "UPROAR"IOUS.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume VI, Issue 684, 25 April 1879, Page 2

THE " UPROAR"IOUS.

Miss Emma Albeeni Wangenheim, Prima Donna of Signo^ Pompei's English Opera Company, complimented us by a personal interview very shortly after the publication of our first issue on Saturday last. We were just cooling down after the exciting amusement of catching simultaneously three steamers, two busses and a railway train, and at the same time supplying the demands of a couple of score ,of eager, noisy, run-boys, when the Great Prima Donna waddled into the Printing Office, and m intensely melodious tones inquired for the able Editor. Our {first impulse was to say that we didn't keep one, but as this would have been a great disappointment for the lady, who had evidently get herself up to regardless of expense for the occasion, and had gone through all the fatigue of a grand rehearsal on our account, we admitted our identity with the personage she was m quest of. " You are the Editor eh 1" said the Donna. " Yes, madam" said we. She introduced herself as an unprotected (she was accompanied by a ' bloke' about 4 feet long) single damsel, only 21 years old, (she did not look it) whom we are trying to ruin ; we denied the soft impeachment. She raised her I voice, struck an Ajax defying the lightning attitude, and Baid what we published m our paper was a lie and a lie bell. Here she laid hold of a copy of our unfortunate Rag, and tore it to ribbons, and gracefully wafted the pieces m the editorial phiz and bringing her paw down with a thump on the bale of paper that served for a counter, threatened us with an action for libel. We had no objections, didn't care a dump. She got up an octave, and made a vow she would horsewhip us. This had no terrors for us, thought we should rather enjoy it. Then came the blood-curdling climax, shrill, full, distinct and clear " I'll kill you, sir." We sank into our boots, turning every shade ' and colour to be seen on the sample card of the celebrated "Pacific Rubber Paint," and begged for time to assure our life for another £500 m the " Australian Mutual Provident," and order a cheap coffin from — we haven't got an undertaker's "ad" m our columns ; what a chance some of them have missed of getting a " Good notice." She granted us a reprieve till she could send to Sydney for an executioner ; and calmed her wounded feelings by chawing up another Lance or two. Then she favoured us with a very confidential and animated opinion of Auckland people m general. She asked us to promise that we would not put her name m the paper again ; we declined. She threatened to take up her quarters m the office, but we had not a sofa, a Beat, or anything of that kind to accommodate her. Standing became tiresome, and after informing us that she expected to find a gentleman <fee, &c, the Bohemian Girl started out of the office like a locomotive engine carrying her train behind her. She left us under the impression that if she would display half as much animation on the stage as she did m the Printing Office her success would be assured. The game is m her ; after hearing her rehearse m the Printing Office we withdraw what we said about her voice

being thin, and now say it is of great volume. If she will only let us know when she is coming again, we shall prepare for the visit, aM hoist the machine upstairs, wash the devil's face and put him m buttons, lay a carpet on the floor with furniture to match, and as j2 her defective education does not enabhji^ her to recognise a Gentleman m an old' grey coat and a battered hat which once was white, and fits half way down his -back, why, we will borrow-one of-those ... that stand at the draper's .door, and fit it with a! head from the bkrber's scented shaved moustached, which will about realise Tier conception of a Gentleman' and an editor. — AucMandrFree Lame.