LOCAL AND GENERAL.

Patea Mail, Volume XXXIX, 6 July 1914, Page 2

LOCAL AND GENERAL.

The Invincible Douglas” has gained further glory in hill climbing, reliability, and p.trol consumption tdals, securing first place in every contest engaged in. A replace advertisement on the first page of this issue, gives a complets list of toe latist t'iumpln of this wonderful little machine. Mr E. E. Wells is the agent.

A city lady going to reside in Oheshir® decided to start a poultry farm, which sh° did with a barnyard hen and thirteen eggs from the village shop Not having the least knowledge of poultry, she inquired of a neighbour how long eggs generally took to hatch. She received tho reply, “ Throe weeks for chickens and four for ducks " The neighbour met her soma time afterwards, and on being asked bow the poultry farming was going on, she replied ; " Oh, I’ve finished with it. At the end of throe weeks there wore no chickens, so I took the hen off, as I didn’t want ducks.”

At a conference of the Mangatoki and Kaponga ridings of (he Eltham County. Council on Saturday it was decided to tar seal the Eltham, Huuter, and Hastings roads in the Mangatoki riding, and the main road in the Kaponga riding. The tir question w.is discussed fully and it was agreed to recommend the tniucil to pu r chase in the Old Country 160 steel barrels and have (h*?m sent out full of tar, §in order to facilitate the reading work during the coming season. A proposH will be placed before the south riding ratepayers, after the next meeting of the council, to borrow £30,00) for road work in that riding.—Argus.

Spraking to a Gisborne Times leportor an experienced buyer stated that phenomenal prices were at present laliug for wool. To fact the prices were almost 1 10 good. At Napier on Monday week he snd that wonderful prices had prevailed, crntohings fetching as high as 9dd. He stated that the reason for the high prices w&s the Japanese, French, Belgian and Rushan orders which simply had t) be placed. They had to have the wool. When these orders were placed he was of opinion that prices wo aid go down with a run.

Last month Mr Lloyd George visit od a consumptive home at Cardiff, and spoke to many of the patients. One boy caused amusement by seizing his money-box and calling out, “Oh Lor’, where's my cashbox 't I don’t want him to lax die." A man then suddenly unfolded a scroll bearing the words " Vvt‘B for women.” Mr Lloyd George smiled, and at the same moment u< ('cod a group of laughing nurs°s at a neighbouring window. “ Ah.” he remarked, *‘l see who has put the men up to this

Mr Bernard Ellis, in a lecture before the Hhefield Phat nncsutioal and Chemical Society, mentioned some intonating points in the law of coi.t-nc 1 :. “If E twin usked Angelina, ‘ Wilt thou be mine?” he

said, " it was not necessary for the girl to say 1 Yea.’ If she put her head on h'.s sh .aider, looked into his eyes, and bo on, her contract was sufficient to accept that offfr, and make an implied contract.” The mere fact of an omnibus running in the street const tuted a general offer, and is any one put up h>s umbrella to stop it a contract was oftVod and accepted. If the person did not get into the omnibus bo could be sued for damages. To put goods in a shop window, with a ticket on (hem stating the price, was an offer, and any person might insist upon the goo ’a being sild to him at tb it price and taken out of the window at once.

Truth prints the following anoedoto of the hit iMr Laboucbero 11 Labouohcro hid a desire to go one evening and gamble at Baden but the last train had left There was a special awaiting some Serene Highness, and Labouchera suggested that a carriage should be attached for his use. This suggestion was treated with scorn by the local sbaticnraaater, whereupon Labouchcre droftod a te'ogram to Bismarck,, of all people, regretting that he was unable to oomo to dioe with him as arrangsd, as a fool of a stalionmastn* declined to offer him facilities. In five minutes the waiting-room was filled with apologetic reverential officials, and Labouchere travelled in groat splendour to take his place at the gamingtables at the KursaaVi There is going round the social world just now a story which ought to be true if it isn’t. Mr M’Kenna was silting next to a very charming lady at a big socis ty dinner, and his fair companion was great'y concerned at the fact that he lit) practically nothing at all. The Home Secretary pleaded guilty to a bad attack of indigestion, and the lady insist°d that she should bo permitted to send him a remedy—a medical bandage to be worn tor twelve hours. The bandage duly arrived and. so goes the story, was duly worn, but imagine the Home Secretary’s consternation when, upon its removal, he found the words ‘ Vet’s for women ” legibly and permanently inscribed upon that sacred portion of bis anatomy in which the fiend Indigestion usually lives and has its being.

Workmen engaged in quarrying rook for the new roads in Nukualofa recont'y urifa'thed n number of human bones of enormous- size (writes the New Zealand Herald's correspondent). The find is silent testimony of either nice deterioration in the To”gars, or that some other people originally occupied these island®. Some com! lore scuds, pelvis, and forearm bones were haff as long again as these portions of tho average Tongan of t > rlav, and in life could not possibly have belonged to human beinps under s-ven feet in h°ight. The trilithon of Kolog.a the mysterious pile of stones, the origin of which can only be guessed, seems to bo more in keeping with a physically powerful race of people than with present generation of inhabitants The finding of these sk-letons and the standing testimony of the huge monument) seems to favour the conclusion that other people in the dim past held sway in the Friendlies.

Sunday school teaching wis touched upon by Bishop Julius in his address t) young men at the Chrhtchurch Young Men’s Ohiisthm Assoei-.l’on on a recent Sunday afternoon in a somewhat humourous v-iii. Ifis Lordship said lh-t in lots of Sunday schools children learned things from (be Bible tint were of ah,‘ olid dy no use to th in. For instance he had vi; I. d a Sunday u cho r d not long ago where the children wove learning the st cries of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob; That was net the soit of tbuig they wivi t ■;(. They should In to'd about T-sns rjhrist In another place His L■>>• Isldp’s daughter had taken the plsc o of a 1: meb-r who bad been indisposed,

mid had found th t th- children wore i ordii.T ah nit Hio plagues of Egypt. The put 'co'nr plagai was the plague of lino. “ She didn ,f know anything about lire.” His T.orddiip—(laughter) '' til*- -b - •' - s d iiiiw h>r best when s. r ■ .p • , * i /ien’t i, . > .- ’ •' •* •! s EirvrPi- «•-!, a.u* s .” 1 ": v ;/■ V '■■■• • t '-ndi !, and •do * ■ 'Vi - didn’t -they try lv-i ■■< ■ : ’ fL-'u 1 laugh tor ) o .-, t-m nas ‘ UosH -a' writing p*ds ’•mb; from all stationers and scorei * r pen;, at Qd and la eaoh*s*

Apropos of the enormous height of the millinery of 1914. a man’s wife said to him the ether day; “ Oh, dear, there’s that old Cbiistmss tree lying in the backyard over two months now. I don’t know what on earth to do with it. “ Can’t you put it on your new hat ? ” her husband asked. It was at a theatre in Devonshire. The ! King, aged nod infirm, was blessed with two sons' He was passing up and down the stage with a wearied, troubled look, exclaiming, "Or which of those my sons shall! bestow my crown?” Immediately came a voice frona the gallery, “ Why not 'atf a-crown apiece, Guv’nor ? ” In Oldtown the Mayor had the following joke played upon him He received a wire from London. “Prince ot Wales passing through Oldtown station 130 p.m.” The Mayor, perhaps in hopes of a knighthood, resolved to meet (he train in his robes He reached ths sfcafc on at 1 o'clock as proud as a peacock. At length the train earns in, and the Mayor's heart beat fast as ho searched the train with the stationmaster. The Prince was not there. “ Lat’s ask the driver,” said he. They hastened to the driver, followed by a crowd who were in “ the know.” “ Where is the Prince of Wales ? ” asked the Mayor The driver smiled and said' " Here, sir ; I’m standing on him 1 ” The Mayor’s eyes then caught the name on the engine' “ Prince of Wales, built at Crewe, 1890."

Sir John Fisher relates an amusing experience ho had one inspection doy. Somehow he got s operated from his official friends and at last lost his way. He wandered about and eventually came upon a workman gently hammering a piece of iron outside one of the work*' shops. “ Are the Lords of the Admiralty about here - asked Sir John “No fear, matey,” said the man, who did not know b's rather carelessly dressed inquisitor, ** I’m here doin’ crow for ’em.” ’ Grow ! What’s that ?” “What, don’t yer know ? Inside this 'ere shed my mates is a-takin’ of it easy. When I sees someone that don’t matter I knocks soft, like now. But when I sees old Jacky Fisher I knocks hke blazes, and when old Jacky pokes his nose iosido. they’re working liko blazes, too. See!” “ Jacky ” Fisher did see, and crow shooting was begun in the dockyard that day.

The London Daily Citizen, the British Labour Part/’s newspaper, is stated now to be running at a loss of £30,000 a year, It draws heavy subsidies from the trades unions, but it Ins, nevertheless, a deficit of £IOO ou each day’s issue. In other words, the task of establishing a morning daily is more formidable than the Labour Party oace thought it to be. From all accounts (writssa Loudon correspondent) the Citizen has been conducted with scrupulous economy, and its staff has borne up under distressing circumstances. But for one thing the advertisement revenue has not mot expectations, and for another thing the unavoidably heavy outlay on distribution has proved too much for the paper’s resources. Distri - bution means almost everything in the fi-.rce newspaper competition, and distribution is a constantly incrcising charge. The up-to-date Loudon evening piper, it is estimated spends about £IOOO a week on motor car and other transport.

A useful device for preventing street accident* has been patented and is about to be put on the market. It is to be known as the Simms patent t'affio regulator, named after the mventor, who was one of the pioneers of the English motorcar. In demonstrating its work ing the other day, Mr Simms pointed out that an arrow regulator, consisting of two switches fixed to the steering wheel, produces, when pressed, an electiicslly-hghted airow at the rear of the car, indicating to the driver of any vehicle behind when the car is about to turn to the left or the right. Another device shows, in addition t) “ right ” and ‘■left "the words "slow" and "stop” and cm hi seen by the driver of any vehicle within fifty yards, this latttar being worked automatically with the operation of the clutch or brakes.—Daily Citizeu.

It has always been considered a good joke for youth to presume to te-oh t experienced old age. Yet it was stated recently in Sydney by Professor Watt that tho Boys’ Corn Clubs of America demonstrated to the old farmers bow to grow ma : ze, and extraordinary figures wore quoted ia support. For instance, tho boys’ plots ia Alabama averaged 60 bushels of corn per acre, while the average for tho State was only 17 bushels. In Georgia the boys uverage 54 bushe’s and the farmers 13; in North Carolina the boys averaged GO and the farmers 18; and in Tennessee tho boys’ plots averaged 88 bushels, while the farmers’ average whs 26 bushels per acre, Aft)r making all allowances for better soil and more attention, it was clearly demonstrated that tho boys had taught the farmers a lesson. It is now intended to start these boys’ agricultural clubs ia New

South Wales. Two London County Councillors are said to have experienced a surprise at an elementary school in Clerkeuwell. They questioned and cross-examined the the elder scholars most unmercifiuUy (svys the Telegraph), and when the class had reached tie point of restiveness one of the councillors asked for a short quotation from Bh-akespoare, A hand went up and the youngstsr began, “ Ye gods, ye gods, must I endure all this ?’’

from “Julius Caesar.’’ The visitors expressed doubt as ti the authenticity of tlaat, aud asked for another proof. Promptly c uns th) response, “Ye blocks, ye stoues, ye worse than senseless things!” The two Lradon County Councillors went away from that school bewildered. Mr J, A. Peas a , the President of Education, himself has had a similar experience Ltoly, when vidting a school which is situated near a railway station. A girl was reading aloud when a (rain rushed by almost deafeningly. " Did you unconsciously raise your voice because of that train ?" asked Mr Peaso. “If I were unconscious of it, how should I know, sit ?” was the answer.

The fact that some Englishmen cannot ‘adapt themselves ft-aight away to the ( gyrations of (he Australian buck]tamper should not by any moans bo advanced as an argument that they cannot ride at all. In fact according to Mr E P Walker, of the Sydney Slock Exchange, and sou of Seuatar J T Walker, of “Walhroy,” Edgeclifl Road, wlm returned recently in the Niagara after a hunting season in England, the Englishmen, and a’so the Englishwomen, who follow hounds have reached an equestrian ,-tuidar l that js particularly high. “ I was hunting in Wd:shire,” said Air Walker, “ and * what I saw there made mo regret that I had over thought dsparagiugly of the Englishman us a horseman, I have seen men come down the greatest croppers, and yet calmly mount again and ride on. I have seen them rise at anything in the shape of an obstacle, and I have seen an enthusiast following the hounds on horseback with his fractured arm in a sling. An example of pluck was shown mo by a 1 uly ridor, who fell in a ditch, with her horse encumbering her. Yet she got up as though nothing had Happened.” In iln hunting hold, Mr Walksr declared, the Englishman stands cut !;> himself.

v , :. v , , tq ;*j* ?y help is advertised •>■ ii: thh’ i-Mie

M- b’ r y m (dies tbit Eectiic m•. ■ r-e obt aaned d Mrs

For Olu'oii c (. 'i'vt OotupUnds, Woods’ Groan Bcppcmiul Oaro, la (id 1 2a 6d

The next Euchre pa r ty of the combined 1 local societies will be held in the Droids’ Hall on Friday Night.

A good sound and reliable mare, usid to saddle and harness is advertissd for sale in this issue.

Mr Taft, whose Presidency was marred by the most serious split in the history of the of the Republican party, has no w to endure a schism nearer home, it is reported that Mrs Taft, has come out on the side of the opponents of women suffrage, while Miss Helen Taft has joined a suffragist organisation.

A mathematician has been workiog out how we spend our lives “If you live to seventy-two,” he says, “your life is spent in the following manner:—An hour a day is three years out of 72; tois makes twenty-seven years sleeping, —nine years dressing,—nine years at t»ble, —six years playing with children, —nine years walking. drawing and visiting,—six years shopping,—and three years quarrelling.

Owners of horses and cows would do well ti see that these are not allowed t' stray within the boundaries of the Borough in the near future in view of the emphatic pronouncement of the S.M at the Magistrate’s Court last week. From His Worship's remarks exceptionally heavy fines will be the lot of any owners of wandering steck who have the misfortune to be brought before him.

In our adverlising columns Mr L Wilson signifies his intention of holding a series of dances during the winter months. These are bound to prove popular with the many lovers of dancing in Pateai The first will be held on Wednesday next and will follow each Wednesday with the exoeptim of the loth inst, the hall being engaged that night for the school dance. The music will be supplied by the Patea orchestra and the supper arrangements are in the hands of Mr F. Loader. Capable MC’s wil l have charge of the dancing end on *. and all can be asvured of a good evenings amusement.