FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 3488, 18 January 1921, Page 46

FUN AND FANCY.

The Girl: ‘‘Do you like Brahms?” The Man: “I’ve never tasted them I” Son: “Who was iSoah's wife, dad?” Father: “Joan of Arc, my boy. Alow run away.” Jenkins: “How’s the world treating you?” Jorkins: "Very seldom, old boy, very seldom.” He: “I suppose you think I’m a perfect idiot?” She: “Oh, no, Tom —we’re none ot us perfect!” when he kisses her and ” “Dolly : “Can you blame her?” Pa: “Dora, I see the front gate is down this morning.” Dora: “Yes, papa; love levels all ftiings.” Passenger: “And here’s a penny for you, my good man.” Porter: "Lumme, couldn't you make it a couple of ha’pennies? I could jingle ’em, any’ow.” Yera.: “Georgie dear, how could you do such a wicked thing?” George: “I saw myself between two evils ” Yera: “Yes.” George: “And I chose a third.” —He (talking about the girl with whom he has just danced): “She needn’t have got so ratty about it; I only said that no matter what her age was she looked it.” Prospective Lodger: “What’s the rent of this roam, including the use of the £iano?” Super-landlady : “I can’p say offand. You must play me something first.” —An architect remarked to a lady that he had been to see the great nave in the new church. “Don’t mention names,” the lady replied. “1 know the man you refer to.” Marley: “One finds it difficult in these days to dress as one ought.” Fulshon: “Oh, I don’t know. I have a suit of clothes for every day in the week.” Marley: “Ideally?” “Fulshon: “Yes; this is it!” Disgusted Diner: “I’ll never have another meal in this restaurant! The meat’s high and they’ve diluted the whisky.” Clergyman: “Ahem! How true it is the flesh is strong, but the spirit is weak !” Robinson: “I hear that the boss is going to employ lady bill-collectors.” Jackett: “Well, if a woman is as goed at collecting money for bills from other men as she is from her husband, the idea is a good one!” First Actor: “It was a dreadful thing to see a production of Hamlet with the Melancholy Dane left out.” Second Actor: “It’s a far. far worse thing, my brother, to see a production of it where the ghost doesn't walk.” They had missed the train. “We wouldn’t have missed it,” growled her husband, “if you hadn’t been so long dressing.” “Yes, and if you hadn’t hurried me so, we shouldn’t have such a long time to wait for the next.” Children should not be allowed to whistle or to manicure their nails was the .'opinion expressed at a Congregational Assembly in Wales. Whether they should be allowed to breathe, it is understood, is still under consideration The Professor of Logic (to himself): “I laid my hat somewhere in this room. Nobody has come in since I’ve been here. I can’t see it anywhere, either round or above me, therefore,” putting his hand behind him, “I have sat on it. Another proof of the irrefutable power of logic.” —“I wish you would tell me,” said the agent, who had been a long time on Mr Snagg’s trail, “what is your insuperable obj lection to having your life insured?” “Well, I don’t mind telling you,” replied Snaggs. “The idea of being more valuable after I am dead than while I am alive is distasteful to me.” —He was an American pilot, and he had taken his negro batman up for a flight. As stunt followed stunt the negro turned yellower and yellower, and by the time terra firma was reached he was almost in a state of collanse. “Fine, wasn’t it, Jim?” remarked the pilot, when Jim had somewhat recovered. “You know, half those people on the ground who were watching us thought we were bound to crash.” “Yaas.” replied Jim, with a sickly grin. “An’ _ fifty per cent, of the folks in clat ole machine thought so, too.” A truculent-looking individual, who had obviously been enjoying somebody’s birthday, lurched into the ’bus. Sitting down heavily in a corner, he gazed dreamily round at the other passengers. His wandering gaze then fixed on a very mild-looking little man in the seat opposite. Leaning forward, the inebriated one. after one or two misses, prodded the mild little man in fbo chest with (lie point of his stick. “'S’euse me, shir—’s’cuse me,” he mumbled, “but d’you see me c-come in?” The mild little man looked nervous. “Yes—yes,” he replied hastily. “Yes, I saw you come in.” Oh! mod s you saw me come in. didjer? Well. shir, lemme arsht- you a civii question"—prod—“D’yon know mv name?” “No —no. I do not know your name,” answered the mild little man. now thoroughly uncomfortable. “There v’are !” cried the jovial one, turning triumpnantlv to the other passengers. “’F don’ know mv name! “Well, shir”— this to the mild little man aaain— “you shaw me come in, yon shay, and you ’mit you don’t know my name. What T wanster know is, ’Ow do you know it’s me?”