"THE ONE-HOSS SHAY."

Otago Witness, Issue 3355, 3 July 1918, Page 58

"THE ONE-HOSS SHAY."

By Rifleman Patrick Mac Gill, author of " "The Great Push," etc.

"I'm sick o' the 'ole bloomin' business," said Spudhole,-- the Cockney soldier, gloomily, as he clambered up on the firestep and looked at the German trenches which showed on the other side of No Man's Land. "Bone tired I am o' the 'ole damned caboodle; o' the pip-squeaks, the nine-point-fivts, the Minnies, the whizzbangs, and all the rest o' it. When is it goin' to end? Is this war ever goin' to end? Can you answer that question, Gahey, you red-headed, big, hulkin' Irishman, can you answer that question?" Gahey, red-headed and Irish, rose from his seat on the fire-step, stepped into the slushy trench, and lit his pipe. "In the dumps again, me boy?" he inquired, looking at Spudhole. "It's always on the wet day that ye'ra grumblin' and feelin' sick iv the, job. And it's not in me' to blame yei for it has been rainin' cats and dogs and kettledrums ever since stand-to this mornin'. Glory be! but it's weather that's fit to chill the heart iv an angel." "Oo was talkin' about angels?" Spudhole exploded. "Not me, for all that I wanted ter know was when this bloomin' war was goin' to end and let me back ter Blighty for good. D'ye think that it's ever goin' ter end, Gahey V "Ah! It'll come to an end all in a heap, like—like the one-horse shay." "The- wot?" Spudhole exclaimed. "Are yer tryin' ter pull my bloomin' leg, Gahey?" "I'm not pullin' yer leg, ye limb," said Gahey. "I'm just tellin' ye about the one-horse ehay. There was poethry made about it, and I read it when I was a cub in the national school iv Ballyrudden, mo own town-land. I misremember the words iv it, but I've still got the lie iv that pome in me head. This one-horse shay was built be a man in the old times." "But wot is a bloomin' one-'oss shay?" vSpudhole inquired. "Yes, what is it?" said Gahey. ~*%&£?s this. It's a sort of cross-breed between a tank and a donkey cart. It's a glorious vehicle that a man or a woman: can go to church or a market in. It's, in short, a sort iv a jauntin' car. And this one that the pome speaks about was an exceptional one, the best in the four corners iv the country. The man that made it, bein' a knowin' fellow, with more in his head than a comb could take out, saw by his own observations that all sorts iv vehicles came to a sudden end, because one part iv them was worse than the others, and this part, when it gave out, put all the rest in the vehicle out iv gear. "For example, a cart may be all right in its body, but the shafts are a bit wake, and when the shafts go that cart is C 3 immediately. So the spokes" iv a" wheel may be all right, but they're no good if the axle is faulty. Well, this man in the pome, he studied these things, and took it in his head to make a one-horse shay with every one part iv it just as good as any other part. He started on the makin' iv one at once, for he had no book iv regulations to hold him back, and everything about the shay that he made was perfect. The rims iv the wheels were as strong as the spokes, the spokes were as strong as the linch-pin, the linchpin was on an equal footin' with the axle, and the axle was as strong as the body above it. The same with the tail-board, the shafts, and the breechin' hooks. Glory be! when it was finished that one-horse shay was a delight and a wonder to behold. It was the best ever seen in the country before or since. And when it got to work it was good to sit in it and get driv about in it. to church or market." "A long life it had, and many a sound pony it outlived as well as the man that fashioned it, and the son iv that 6ame man and others of whom I've forgotten all tally. And the true length iv its days was one day added to a hundred years.

Then it Went west in a very funny way. The man who owned it, the great grandson iv the man that made it, I think he was, was goin' to church one day on top iv the shay, ■when all iv a sudden it disappeared, and he found himself sittin' on the foad with the horse in front iv him and its harness hangin' loose, and no shay buckled on to it. The bloomin' thing had disappeared, faded away, just like a spider's web in the sun. Which was not to be wondered at, seein' that one part iy the shay was as good as any other part, and the whole thing had to go in a heap when a part went, just to bear out the plans iv the maker." "But wot 'as all this to do wiv wot I asked?" Spudhole queried. "Wot I wanted ter know was when this bloomin' war was goin' to end." "It will end, me boy, when German's bate to her knee 3," said Gahey. "And she will be bate one day, and her breakdown will be sudden. She has bees? proparin' for this ruction for years and years, and when the hour for" fightin' struck every bit iv her war-machine was perfect. perfect now, as far aa we can see; but, like the one-horse shay, when one bit iv the mechanism goes the whole damned lot goes, and then the Kaiser will be in the ditch. Them that's against us now are to all seemin' just as well off as ourselves, just in the same way as two new shells may look, one as good as the other, though 'the other is a dud. But there's one thing certain now, and that is this: if we compare the two lines of the trenches to two shells, the one that me and ye is in, Spudhole, is not the dud one.''

"And the other's the one-hoss shay, you think?" Spudhole asked. "That's it," said Gahey. "And it may fall to smithereens any minit!"