PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 3149, 22 July 1914, Page 11

PASSING NOTES.

(Fra.-n SituriiyU Di.il/ fiaii.i The Premier complains that he is overrun by deputations. Parliament being in session, deputations are the bane of his official life. They come not single spies, But in battalions. There is a Prohibitionist “march on Wellington ” to interview the Premier, haply to intimidate him. Close gn the heels of the Prohibs arrive their mortal foes the “ Moderates.” For the Bible in State Schools League presents himself Bishop Sprott at the head of his whole Synod, a hundred strong. In natural sequence follow the Anti-Leaguers, making what brave show they can under Professor Hunter. ■ For a busy man these experiences are vexatious. In the House, facing S’!! uoseph Ward and his myrmidons, where the rule, is thrust and parry, give and take, Mr Massey luxuriates. To the happy warrior, what of scrimmages past or future? They are in the day’s work, and the thought of them doth breed perpetual benediction. But the cussedness of deputations is that to all alike you must give good words, agreeing with the “pros” that black is white, and conceding to tne antis ” that white is black. What the thought of these exactions doth breed in Mr Massey appears to be mere anathema. Hitherto he has suffered fools gladly, perhaps sadly ; anyhow he has suffered them. But there is a limit. No more half-hour harangues, pro or anti.

In this mind, replying to the League of Anti-Leaguers, the long-suffering Premier appears to have let himself go a little, doubtless with re]ief. There was a Mr Rosser, Labour representative, vho remarked apropos of nothing: “I was born a rebel, I have been brought up a rebel, I shall die a rebel.” Mr Massey hoped hot- ‘'There is joy over every sinner that repenteth.” The Rev. Knowles Smith was warned “not to reflect on any other Church,” and somebody else that “ it was no use quibbling.” The deputationists themselves were pretty free ;

A Voice: You will find that Canon Garland has got you by the hack wool! On this tone the discussion moved along with the ease of a wrangle across the floor of the House..

Professor M'Kenzie: We have no churches; we have to do it out of our own pockets. Mr Massey: I -am sorry to hear you have no churches. Professor Hunter said that the churches used their buildings, upon which they did not pay any rates and taxes.

Mr Massey : Do. you suggest that they should do so ?

Professor Hunter : Certainly ; they are political organisations. Mr Massey: That is getting away from the subject. You are drawing a red herring across the scent.

This is not the platitudinarian palaver hitherto official on such occasions; it is an innovation, perhaps an improvement. Keep it up, and the impulse to deputatio'nise may suffer a check.

For saying of Mr Massey that “he sits there ” —on the Government benches —“ by bribery and corruption,” Mr Payne, member for Grey Lynn, was suspended. Not by the heels, still less by the neck. Suspension meant that Mr Payne was granted a few hours’ leave wherein to boast in Bed Fed circles that he had insulted the Premier, flouted the Speaker, and marched out of the House expressing his contempt for “ the whole dirty business.” They do these things better in England. The Ipswich by-election was thought a sure thing for Mr Charles Frederick Gurney Masterman, Cabinet Minister, who had been unkindly rejected by Bethnal Green. The night before the Soiling, to make assurance doubly sure, Ir Lloyd George appeared on the Ipswich scene, and this was the manner of his haranguing: “ In pensions Ipswich gets £21,400- a year; I think you have pot out of the Insurance Act. about £35,000; out of this latest Budget you will get about £14,000 or £15,000.” Bribery and corruption I—the real thing and open,—no fantasy Of a disordered brain. Nemesis followed, and to better effect than in the maunder in gs of a political malcontent who

is straightway “ suspended.” Inswich itself uprose against so plain an appeal to sordid motives, and next day sent m the Opposition man with a swingeing majority. Whereupon from the Opposition press one jiijiilant acclaim mump in Lloyd-Georgism !”

This was bad; and what happened when the next House met was no better. Two by-elections —North-East Derbyshire and Ipswich —had gone against the Government ; two new Unionist members were to be sworn in. The House was packed, members sitting in the gangway, standing at the Bar, perched in the side galleries. Enter Mr Asquith to Radical cheers punctured by mocking cries from the other side—“ Where’s our Charley?” Ten minutes later we had a great ironical demonstration, when the Chancellor of the Exchequer entered the House. He slid in quietly from behind the Speaker’s chair; but the Unionists were watching for him,, and before he could squeeze down on to the Treasury bench on the right of the Prime Minister a great shout of derision came from the Opposition benches. Handkerchiefs and order papers were waved, and volleys of laughter directed against Mr Lloyd George, who smiled in a sickly way at the exultant political enemy. The cries of “Where’s Charley? ’ were renewed.

Another dramatic interval, and Mr Bonar Law bows to. the uproarious greeting of his followers. But there’s pippins and cheese to come :

Amidst the throng at the Bar, we saw Sir Edward Carson snaking hands with the two new Unionist members for North-East Derbyshire and Ipswich while other Unionist members looked proudly on. As soon as questions were over the Speaker gave the Usual notice to members desiring to take the;r seats. The victor of North-East Derbyshire came first, introduced hv Lord Edmund Talbot and Mr H. Terrell. The welcome accorded was most enthusiastic. But naturally the greatest ovation was resowed for the Ipswich champion, whose sponsors were Sir Edward Carson and Lord Edmund Talbot. Cheers loud and long were raised on the Opposition benches, where, again, the ironical cry was raised, “Where is our Charley?”

It is a crescendo, and looks as though carefully stage-managed. T take this lively account from the Vail 'Tall Gazette, a party paper and “ biased against the Liberal Government,” as the Rev. Dr Jones would say. None the less, however, it carries conviction.

Dear “ Civis,” —I have just received a letter from my lawyers, which is so funny that I cannot keep it to myself. I had recently to execute certain legal documents, which I did before a well-known local J.P., who simply attested my signature by adding, “J.P., Dunedin,” to his name. To my surprise I have had the documents returned to me by my solicitors, accompanied by the following remarks: —“We must ask you to get Mr' to add after his signature his description or ordinary calling. He has put. the letters J.P. after his name; but these letters, or thewords, ‘ Justice of the Peace,’ have been held not to be a sufficient description for the purposes of tlie Land Transfer 'Act. If Mr has no busin'ess f occupation, the word ‘ gentleman ’ would be sufficient.” For my part I would have thought that the possession of the muchcoveted J.P. would necessarily imply that he was a gentleman.—l am, etc., Red Tape.

Most of us think we know a gentleman when we meet him, but definition is not easy. Poets and moralists labour over it in vain. What precisely is a gentleman ? Lawyers are gentlemen by Act of Parliament, therein lucky. “If any man brings his action against me,” says Mr Sampson Brass,. “ he has to describe, me as a gentleman, or his action is null and void.” It must be as head of the lawyer tribe that “ the prince of darkness is a gentleman.” In Burns we have the epithet conferred on one of the Twa Dogs : His lockit, lettered, braw brass collar Showed him the gentleman and scholar. Acording to a second Scottish authority it is “ siller and glide breeding ” that make the gentleman. Palstaff, on the other hand, thought it would be enough to “ purge and live cleanly.” Apropos, what is this that I have from a correspondent? —‘‘Dunedin Municipal Baths—Schedule of hours : Ordinary dips, ‘ males ’ and ‘females.’ Turkish Baths, ‘gentlemen ’ and ‘ ladies ’ . . .” Fiona the municipal point of view, then, a Turkish bath does what a New Zealand J.P.-ship carfnot do—convert a mere “ male ” into a “gentleman.” It is only a matter of scrubbing. Similarly in the other case, and, if we follow Kipling, more giblyFor the Colonel’s lady and Judy O’Grady

Are sisters under their skins.

From Parliament House, Wellington : Dear “Civis,” —In your last week’s notes you make reference to Bracken, and quote some lines—“ Sing, Bracken, sing.” I remember these lines when a boy in Otago, but was under the impression that they occurred in “Paddy Murphy’s Budget,” and comprised Bracken’s own account of the incident. From the tenor of your note I now imagine I am wrong, and that the lines were yours. Am I right in this latter conclusion? I would also be glad if you could give me the 'date on which they appeared. I want to look up the records of the House to see if there is any reference to the incident, but no one here seems to have any notion in what year it occurred.

This is curious. The lines “ Mr Bracken and the Scotch Song,” taken from Passing Notes of long ago, were Hansard done into verse. In the course of debate Mr Bracken, member for Dunedin Central, had piped out a Scottish ditty, “ Behave yersel afore folk.” Two other specimens were given, “ Mr 11. S. Pish and the Harbour Board Bill,” and “ M. W. G. on a Matter of Conscience.” The Bev. M. W. Green, minister of the King street Tabernacle who somehow had become

member for Dunedin North, was the “ M. W. G.” of contemporary satire, its natural and predestined butt.

111. M. W. G. on a Matter of Conscience. M. W. G., ho says, says lie, If truth on earth romaineth, See truth in me—M. W. G., who party ties disdaineth! Back up this Government? Brethren, nay! to conscience I submit it — (I keep a conscience—some men don't)— and conscience won’t permit it! This inner light makes plain to me all mysteries political, The depths of Dick, the arts of Bryce, and Rolleston Jesuitical. Scout, if you please, M. W. G.’s professional decorum, His gravity, suavity, his diarrhoea verborum. His intimate acquaintance with the working man’s vernacular, His manner oleaginous, his accents Tahernacular — Deride his two-hour speeches, and escape them when you can, — Though sent to trouble you —mark! M. W. G.’s a virtuous man. Chorus from all parts of the House:

He is a virtuous man! For he himself has said it, And its greatly to his credit That he is a virtuous man ! He might have been a cute ’un, A mute ’un, an astute ’un, Or an Atkin-so-ni-an; But, in spite of all temptations To shine in other stations,

/ He, remains a virtuous man! Hon. members who wish to bo done in this new style may hear of me at the usual address. (N.B. —All cheques should he crossed, and post office orders made payable through the editor.) The date—since my correspondent desiderates the date —was August 12, 1882. Eheu fugaces!

Civis.