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EDITOR'S WALLET.

Mr Boivsei's Tribulations. he puts 'in two hottes' wobk with a neighbour's box.

It had been arranged that Mrs Boavsbi and the lady next door should attend to some church matters in the evening, and that the lady's four-year-old son should be the guest of Mr Bowser and the cat for a couple of hours. The little fellow looked around in a dubious Avay as he Avas brought over, but fell asleep before the ladies got aAvay and Avas tucked up on the lounge.

"Don't you Avorry in the slightest," said Mr Bowser to tho mother. "If he happens ■to Avake up I'll do cA-erything to amuse him. I always loved children, and they haye always

taken to me. ' Bless his little heart, but 1 wish he hadn't fallen asleep."

Five minutes later the front door closed on his mother, and the boy awoke. He didn't awake Avith the languid gentleness of a rabbit, but all of a sudden he sat up Avith a howl of affright. '■ The hoAvls ran from No. 1 to No. 17 before. Mr Bowsei could realise the situation, and the family cat, who had been prowling around the room, made a dive for t?ie hail, and appeared totally panic-stricken. During the next 10 minutes Mr Bowser tried hard to be a mother to that boy. He drummed on the piano, knocked on the window, and cavorted about the room. He handed over his Avatch, his wallet, his keys, and his knife. He ran to the kitchen for sugar, tea, coffee, starch, and baking powder. Anything and everything Avas at the disposal of that boy until he ceased to howl and sob. "Me want story," he said, as he dug the tears out of his eyes with his fists. Thereupon Mr Bowser told him the following story : — "'Once .upon a time 'there Avas a bobtailed dog. B e "was spotted. 'He was three years ol'cl. - He loved bones and meat and "fried oysters and ice-cream. J3.e had "no mother or f ether, but Avas not a dog to do- wicked thingi". • _ -- "Ue didn't swear or cheAV or drink, "and lie was no liar. There were dogs- Avho wanted to iight with him,' but he would not fight. When they came round and -said they could knock his eyebroAvs off and roll him in mud, he jumped oA~er the fence and ran aAvay. Well, thing? went on this way for a long time, and then — and then '' And- then the boy began howling because there avcis no more bobtailed dog. Mr Bowser got the cat in, but the howls continued; then Le got down" on hands and krnees, and said he was a horse, but that Avouldn't Avork. lie get out a book with pictures, sang "Rock-a-by baby" and Avhistled "Yankee Doodle," and after 10 minutes' Avork thrown away he was greeted Avith that same tearful remark : "Me want .story." Thereupon Mr Bowser, Avho had wilted his collar, and busted the straps on his A - est Avith his exertions, sat down and began : "There Avas once a bear. i±e Avent around looking for boys avlio cried. (Hoavls of fear trom tUa boy.) No. I mean he went around looking foi girls on roller skates. This bear lived in the Avoods, and he was not afraid of cither man or guns. Whenever he caught a boy (Rowls.) "1 mean, whenever 'he caught a girl, he would carry her off to his den and eat' her up at two mouthfuis. tn one year that bear ate up 10,000 girls. One day there Avere no girls about, and as he was very hungry, he thought he would eat a boy. . (Awful howls.) Bold on, noAv, I'm going to tell you hoAV tho boy killed the bear. You see " But \he boy refused to see. He'd heard bear stories before, and he kneAT there was '.. screw loose somewhere. He sat up and howled, and he lay down and howled, and the cat fled in terror, and^Mr Bowser felt chills go up his back. There Avas more lively drumming on the piano, more Avild gallops around the room, more singing and whistling. Exercise in a gymnasium couldn't compare to' it, but there Avere only two Avays to stop that hoAvling. The boy must be either -choked to death or hear another sifcory. Mr JBowser wasn't qxiite ready 'yet to-do murder, and so he gaspingly began : "Well, you knoAv, there was once a boy named Willie Scott. (The hoAvls ceased.) Ho had a goat. It Avas a black goat. "You've seen a goat, of course. He has horns, and climbs over fences. This goat loved the boy because he Avas so kind to it. Some boys would hit a goat with a croAvbar if they got mad, but Willie never even struck his goat Avith a stick. If ever you get a goat and Avant him to loA"e you, don't abuse him. "A. goat has feelings as well as a boy. Well, one day Willie and his goat were out on >tho sidewalk, and along- came a lion. The lion 1 Avas hungry, and wanted to eat thej.boy up. The boy began to cry, but the goat said to him Let's see. What did the goat say? I don't remember just what he said, but— but " I There was no finis, and there were howls j and sobs and lamenLations from the kid on the lounge. He wanted to knoyr Avhetherthe goat ate up the lion, or the lion ate up the boy, and Mr Bowser had left it all a. mystery. He was picked up and danced I around the room, but he added kicks to hi 3

■ howls. He was carried upstairs and downstairs, but he would not be quiet. There came half-formed ideas of throwing him out of a back window or chucking him into the coal-bin, but he was at length returned to ths lounge." Then Mr Bowser swore about 40 swear words to himself and began : "You know that a boy should always mind ■what his father and mother tell him. (Howls cease.) If he doesn't, then he is a bad boy, and something will happen to him. "I once- knew a boy whose name was Sammy. He was about as old as you are, and about as mean. One day" he wanted to throw the clock out of the window, and his mother said, " Sammy, don't do that. I£ you do a wolf will come and eat you up.' What did that boy do ? He waited until his mother ■went down to the store, jend then he threw the clock out. - "He didn't believe that a wolf would come, "but that same afternoon, when he was playing in the back-yard, a great big wolf, with eyes as big as teacups, and a tail 10ft long, jumped ' over the back fence and growled 'and growled, and the boy yelled for his mother, and the wolf showed his teeth, and — and — well, that's all." < 'But it wasn't. ' That wolf either ate that "boy up or he didn't, and the youngster on the lounge wanted to Imow. Be began howling with redoubled vigor, and' Mr Bowser determined on his death. "He wouldn't kill hinv in the house., bul he would take him to the river and cast him in.. He had just picked the howler up and got him under his arm, and the cat was looking up with great satisfaction, when the ladies - returned and the murder was prevented. "Woman," said Mr Bowser, alter the mother of the child had departed with him in her arms, "the law will probably allow -you alimony !" "But what "for?" she asked. "Divorce !" he hoarsely replied. "The limit has been reached. My lawyer will serve the papers on your lawyer to-morrow, and you can go homo to your mother by the 10 o'clock train." — Boston Globe.

Permanent link to this item

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/OW19000905.2.227

Bibliographic details

Otago Witness, Issue 2425, 5 September 1900, Page 70

Word Count
1,315

EDITOR'S WALLET. Otago Witness, Issue 2425, 5 September 1900, Page 70

EDITOR'S WALLET. Otago Witness, Issue 2425, 5 September 1900, Page 70

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