Walmsley Knew It All.

Otago Witness, Issue 2325, 22 September 1898, Page 61

Walmsley Knew It All.

So He Thought, but SoDn Saw He Was Mistaken. " The water leaks steadily from the hot water faucet in tho kitchen, so that the water in the tank is cold half the time," said Mrs Walmsley to her husband, as he was about to -start for his office one morning. " Can't you «end up a plumber to put a new washer in the faucet?" " I could, but I'm not going to," replied Walmsl6y, with no intention of being unkind or *ude to his own wife. " You see, my dear, I'm going to fix that faucet myself. You don't think that I can, eh? You'll think differently in ibout 10 minutes. I happened to be at home when the plumber put the' last washer in, and I just saw how he did it, and I got him to give mo a couple of washers. I've got them in my collar box upstairs and I'll have one in that faucet in a jiffy. Have Bridget get the monkey wrench for me." Two minutes later Walmsley was in the kitchen with his coat off tugging away at the top of the hot water faucet. "It sticks mighty tight,'-' ho said to his wife, " but I'll get it off, if I have to — there, it's moving ! I knew I could do it if I — Jerusalem. For, with the removal of the faucet top a fountain of hot water sprayed about 3ft into the air and drenched Walmsley and flew all over the kitchen. " My goodness! " screamed Mrs Walmsley. ' Murther ! " howled Bridget. " Turn off the water, somebody! " screamed Walmsley. " Great heavens and earth ! the whole house will be flooded. Go down cellar, somebody, and shut off the water! My good " ~ " It won't do any good to shut off the water in the cellar when it's the hot water that's running, Henry Walmsley!" " How in time do you shut off the water? " " I don't know. Just look at it ! You said that you watched the plumber and that "' 'I didn't see him shut off the water, and I don't know how to shut it off. Maybe Bridget knows."' "Divil a bit Oi know about it, sor, but Oi knov, that something ay the koind always happens A'hin the gintlemin ay the house conies meddlin in the kitchen, an' Oi — holy powers ! It's gettin' worse an' worse ! " " Why don't you go for a plumber, Henry Walmsley." "Plumber! Great Scott! I don't know of any plumber within three miles of here, and ■' ' " Well, put the top of tho faucet on agaiu, why don't you? " " Yes, and scald the flesh off my hands ! Not by a darned ight. I don't know what in thunder to do, and £ don't care! You'd no business bothering mo about the old faucet, and I don't care if it floats the house away! It's mighty strange liow I've got to look after every little thing in this house, and — there ! It's overflowing Iho sink on to the floor, and I'm glad of it." " Henry Walmsley, if you don't deserve to be— oh, here's mother ! Thank goodness, she'll know \vhat to do ! " "My good land ! " cried Walmsley' s mother-in-law. " What on earth does this moan? Why don't you shut off that water? You don't know how? Well, for pity's sake! Herel Give me a chair! Get on that ohair,

Walmsley! You sco that little stopcock uts> over tho water boiler? Give it a turn to the right. There you are! It's strange how little men know about the simplest plumbing contrivances in their own homes. A man who doesn't know how to turn off the hot and cold water in his own house oughtn't to have a house. I vow he ought not!" — New York World.