KITH AND KIN.

Otago Witness, Issue 2309, 2 June 1898, Page 43

KITH AND KIN.

For most of us our relatives are like the poor, tha Salvation Army, the weather, and our own company — they are always with us, especially the ones we care least about. Not necessarily in the house perhaps, bat near at hand, in and out, awaitiDg no invitation, by no means standiog on oeremoiiy — the rich ones ready to patronise and advise us, the poor oeea ready to live on us and flatter us. From their intimacies we are powerless to screen our genteel DreteuQ®?, hide the

-" — rz «— — « — =~— <, secrets of out family fliscasslsns, pr«seifv\ intact the sbnme or the Borrow of sur acalEfl hearts.

Tbey expect much 7tom us without in an> way realising what we In turn expect from them. For instance, a little help from onV rich relations wculd be far more acceptable than *>ia a.r»?v>s sad she comment on all ou<, aff-urt with which- they are so generous. Wd( "■".c t-liara pact to the De Smiths, and •iQftr "ft tfca hothouse grapes, the tomatoeV, skA iat6 pears that were packed In the dainty baskets of which we caught a glimpse ; oi -he Wiilonghby-Actieslys show us tbe ex< vi'JHiie c.hrysanibsEDnms the girls brought, them. We ha?e ?.v garden in Avhich to gcoyl either iruit or flowerß, but it does not occur to our rich relations that we might enjoy some of theirs, and perhaps fancy we have a kind of right to a small share— quite forgettiDg that we bave nothing to give In exchacgel

"Poor relations should be abolished by act of Parliament," said a pretty girl ; " they are for ever in evidence."

" I would not have mine abolished for the world," was the answer. "My rioh relations usually leave me in a bad temper ; my poor' relations send me home content with my' own happier, more fortunate life, and happy that I have someone for whom I can always do something without fear of giting offence."

"You are so, tiresome, Edie — yon always moralise ! Think of how poor relations keep ' you back, and rich or powerful connections help you on?'

"Think of how discontented rich relations make you ; how you always expect more from them than they can do, always are tempted to flatter and make much of them for what they bave ; thi&k of how you envy them in life, and struggle for what tbey leave in death 1 Upon my word, May, lam often thankful that we have long*- since quarrelled with the only -rich relatives we have ; I have felt freer and mora sslf-respeet-ing ever since." " You always were a little fool «o "far a» worldly sense is concerned, Bdie. What is that you are Bewing'? — you have no sister small enough to weaT that littie frock."

"Itisfor Aunt Alice's little girl; she is such a dear Jittle thing — so pretty and so unoonecious of it. I know quite well how poor tlucfc Alice mngt loDg to <Jreg« her daintily, aDd it is so 'nice to make Jittle things for her. This is made from my old white cosrume. You pee, it only cost* the labouT of making."

" Good gracious ! no wonder you bave bsen so shabby lately.! Don't you send yonr old dresses to Mrs Moss now?" WeU, you aro an idint ! What a difference il wnst make in yowc dress sliowanGe ! "

"WeU, May, I'm far nappier. I usedal>vays to think I should meet someone wearing my la«t season's dTess or bat, and it was horrid. Mamma would not let me give my clothes away, • because she says thera are no people poor enough to require old clothes iii New Zsaland, but how I have found a very hapyy soluticn *o the difficulty. I, who am .only a pcor relaticn to the richheads of the family, "find I can be quite & yeuond-hand Providence to still poorer relations. Sometimes I feel quite rich myself."

"You are hopeless, SkHe ; but perhaps it's aB well you .are bnsy playing Providence at second-hand, or you might -find time to marry some unworldly creature like yourself who would be content on two hundred a year."

It was only a fragment of a conversation, neither brilliant nor witty, and yet it interested me and Showed me an aspect of kith and kin -which we might all do well to adopt. Instead of looking upon - our noor relations as a grievance and a hindrance, transform them into a source of pleasure, &n incentive to atsslfishnesi', a peg to hasg- a dozen kindly plans wad gentle intentions or-.

But you cannot always lifca pool* relations ; you cannot always f«el even sorrow for <heai, or sympathy with idbern. I hear someone make this yasiionate piotesfc, and I kfaow its truth too well to«ven venture a deniaJ. We cannot always be fond of our relation*, for if there is nothing. lovable and admirable about them as Simple iedividnals, the .mere fact of kinship cannot awaken aifectioc, tbou^h it may prodnce tolerance. As a matter of fact it is far easier to overlook faults and *hortoomings in other people's relation* 4 ban in our own, for the simple leason that we are not brought into such cloao and constant contact with them. '

Family af&acticr, however, in some families is of that cfcriously intense and clannish description that it retodera all tbe members c£ s. family oeaf a_nd blind to one another's imperf'sclione. Such a family as tbis warojly recognises all ties of kith and kin to the remotest couß'ns, is warmly interested in connections by marriage, forms a loyal clan for purposes of well-being and advancement, and a mutual admiratioa society for purposes of social advertisement. Now, -while there is nothing so beautiful as the nance life of a united and affectionate family, itt beauty i 3 of that delicate type* which to he perfect needs the touch of reticence. Thi modern passion for advertising, if allowed to enter here, is desecration. Bsecham's pills, Pattison's wbisky, Sunlight soap, and "koko" for the hair, ia common with Dresden pianos and K'.zie tea, are all best understood when most advertised ; but the golden rule of advertising does not benefit quite all things uuder the sun, and family affection is one of the exceptionp. Directly a family " poses " as a devoted family, and drops into a recognised " example," the outsider becomes impatient, and fiada what should be beautiful ridiculous — this kind of thing, for instance : —

"Do you admire Mr Smith's singing of • Dawn ' 1 " i

"Yes, fairly well ; but you shculd hear my brother Frank sing ir. The song just suits his voice, and,- do you know, we can't stand hearing anyone else eing it."

"Have you met Mr Blank, the new bank in&n ? Isn't he handsome 1"

" Very. We all think him so like Tom — my brother in Wellington, you know. Don't yon think ao?"

" Have you seen that beautiful point lace in the Jubilee Exhibition ? Wonderfu', is it not 1 and worked by a little boy, too. Pooi little fellow I he must be a cripple or an invalid surely. I wopder what sad story U worked into those delicate stitchss 1 " "-Yes; I admired it veiy much. I auf

always interested in point lace because jjlabel works it so beautifully. You must see her last piece of work — a wedding present. It is really marvellous, but then yon know she iB so clever a*t fancy work."

The above is a very fair sample of the stand taken by the Devoted Family, but the most amusing example that I can recall is .the following, which came under my own Observation. It is perhaps necessary that I Should mention — merely as a detail — that the sisters were unusually plain girls, Agatha being, if possible, plainer than' Silda.

Hilda: "What do you think of rational tlress ? Will it ever become very popular, I ponder 1 "

Friend : " Hideous I I am sure I hope it )nevet will." ' Hilda ; " Well, do you know, I am quite anxious it should • catch on ; I am so anxious for Agatha to be able to wear it. We all have extremely good legs, you know, but Agatha's are really beautiful, and it does always seem such a shame that she cannot show them." • This was fitting the World to the Family with a vengeanoel Yet the remarks were made in all simplicity and good faith. Members of such a mutually admiriDg family as this, if they happen -to settle near one another, become a sort of clan, more or less absorbed in the "family births, deaths, marriages, entertainings, interests, sayings, and doings. ,Tbey call in couples, and form little confidential groups at social gatherings. The outside world merely serves them for purposes of comparison ; they lend one another patterns, and put one another " on " to good things in shoppings and marketings. In direct and, it must be confessed, amosing contrast to the United or Adoritg Family in the equally extreme type of Disloyal Family. Aa a family they bring bickerIng to a fine art. Indeed they would as soon go without their meals as let a day pass in the chill monotony of household agreement. They are never all on good terms*" with one another, though by tacit agreement no one is expected to take up anyone else's bicker seriously, though it is poißible and probable that all may— without prejudice— start in and have a " worry " over the question. Beneath the frequent tiffs and quarrels there is really a certain amount of t flection, though there is not a scrap of Royalty. At any moment a fit of temper, jjealousy, or some too pungent repartee will diwolve existing relations, and erstwhile allies become combatants in the family arena. With refreshing candour and detailed accuracy they recount the week's squabbles, each to her particular friend or friends, and ihe complications are as infinite as those of "a k-tleidoscope. . On one subject alone does the Disloyal Family agree, and that is the fcarmony with which they quarrel Trith all their kir.b and kin by turns. They get an infinies variety out of life, and afford much ain\sseme»t, not unmingled with anxiety, fee their friend*, who in these constantly shif (ing alliances never know quite where their sympathies are expected to come in. Now thcee, you say, are none of them vary lovely aspects of the family ties of kith and kin ; but my ideal of home life and the way in which home ties and family affection may be made the m^Bt beautiful memory of life have been too often dilated on in tbiß column to need further explanation on this occasion.