Jeems Kaye in the Emerald Isle.

Otago Witness, Issue 1890, 10 February 1888, Page 35

Jeems Kaye in the Emerald Isle.

I'm due ye a line or twa, Bailie, but as ye ken I've been awa' frae hame for a wee, an 1 so my books are behin', an' I've really little time tae be writin' tae onybody. Besides, I ken naethin' o1o 1 what's been goin' on here. We gaed tae Ireland for a trip, ye maun ken, sweet gem o' the " say," as Tommy Moore ca's it ; but it wis nane o' your common sails tae Belfast. The doctor said we needit bracing up, as the stoor af£ the coals wis hurting my lungs, an' he recommended a sea voyage. >So wi' much fear an' trembling we embarked on the Innishtrahull, one o' the Clyde Shipping Company's fine big boats. This wis a vessel wi' fower decks, the tap ane being an unbroken promenade frae the bow tae the stern, an' it's vera few boats hae that. I understaun' it's built so that on the roughest nicht thewaves'li wash richt ower an' nae water tae lodge in the boat ava'. We had a fine sail o' twa nichts and a day. Captain Hetherington, a rale fine Irishman, superintended us a' through the day an' tell't us stories, an' Mr M'Cullum, the steward, made oor toddy at nicht, an' then tucked us a' in tae yon wee beds so that we couldna fa' oot. Oh but I did get some awfu' clours on my heid when I rose up tae look my watch. Betty wi' the bairns wis in anither part o' the boat undor the wing o' the stewardess, an' every noo an' again she wid keek out an' cry, " Noo, Jeems, are ye sure ye rowed up your watch?" or "Jeems, dinna forget tae tie your nichtcap," makin' me quite ashamed. We had a line passage. It wis as smooth as gless, an' no one o' us wis the least put aboot. There's nae doot a sea voyage is a gran' thing for toon folk like me. At hame I'm nae great breakfast eater, but on board that ship there wisna mony could bate me, saumon, ham an' eggs, then a chop or twa, then marmalade. The feeling wis sac quid an' sac very moderate that it was really a great pleasure tae sit doon. Then we had, as I hear a' the company's boats hae, a cosy wee smoking room on deck. D'ye ken, Bailie, I wid hang every steamboat owner that had a boat without a smoking room, no tae hae us rinning a' ower the boat lookin' for a place oot o' the draught tae get a smoke in. It wis on a Sunday morning that we arrived at "that beautiful city called Cork." But, oh, what a way they spend Sawbath ower yonder ; jaunting caurs an' bands o' music, an' chape trips, an' yet everybody seemed sac happy like ! As there wis nae fear o' the minister seeing me, I slippit awa' an' saw "grand athletic sports," footba' an' relocipedee, an' I kenna what a', an' as the public booses were a' open, an' the porter jist a penny the gloss, I stopped in for " anither " pennyworth vera often. But I canna tell ye a' we did. We gacd frae Cork tae Waterford, an 1 frae that tae Wexford, an' frae that tae Dublin. Yon jaunting caurs bates a. One o' the bairns an' me sat on one side, an' Betty an' the ither sat on the opposite side, travelling alang "sideways," jist as if we had been reg'lar Home Bulers a' oor lives. At first we had tae haud on most awfu', particularly going roon corners, but we sune got used tae it, an' liket the travellin' extrornary. In 10 days we drove, for I coonted it up, 160 miles ; sac I think you'll alloo I should ken what I'm talkin' aboot. They hae gran' wee horses, an' the drivers talk awa' wi' ye tae keep ye fre wearying. "An' was yer honor ever in Ireland before?"

" Och aye, often." "Ah, see that now; begorra it's the likes ay you we wid like to see often. Chits g'lang out ay that, ye schamer." This was tae the G-alway charger, whichl ventured tae say wis raither lean. "Is it lean, yer honor? Sorra a bit ay leanness is about him, but we had him in training for the races next week, an 1 he's kilt for want of work. Troth he's the, most illigant horse in the whole county ; jist say the word an' he'll ' lep' over that asses' car there forninst ye." The great weakness o' the carmen is Bonyparty an' the great Dan— "God rest his sowl in heaven this night, amin." " Bonyparty was one ov the gratcst men the world iver had. Do I lie your honor?" I shook my heid. "Ah, if he had had six or sivin rigiments of your kilties begorra it wouldn't be Eooshia nor Prooshia either would keep him out of Agypt. But we'll be a grate nation yet. Mr Pamell's going to put 'us all right. As ifc is we have no rints to pay now, an' if the landlord shooting season wasn't over ye might have a hand at the sport yourself. Did ye say I was to stop at the first public boose ? I beg

I tried tae mak' a

your pardon, sur. Yell maybe make up your mind before we get to the next wan." One day .... I tried tae mak a bargain wi' a man for the len' o' his cuddy cart tae drive Betty an' the bairns the three miles, for it wis getting late. I asked him what he wid chairge. " Five shillings, yer honor. " Och that's ower much." " Faith I know it is, but would I insult a gintleman like you by asking less 1 " "0, my freen," says I. "Fm only a puir workin' man like yersel', although I've got on my summer suit an' am oot for my holidays. I'll gie ye hauf-a-croon." "An' wid yer honor insult both me an' yourself by splitting a crown in two that way ? " Man, Bailie, we saw a lot o' sichts. The seven churches, the Dargle, an' a toon in Wexford, Bannow, that's buried in sand frae the sea encroaching on it. I suppose ye never heard o' that afore. We stopped three days in a village five an' twenty miles frae a railway station, where nae rents hae been paid for two years, and the agent under police protection. The puir baker wis boy- j cotted for selling a loaf tae somebody, an' . i the bread cam' sixteen miles in a van frae anither baker, an' when we were driving the twenty-five miles tae the railway the driver widna stop at a hotel tae let me get a bottle o' porter because it wis boycotted tae. Folks said afore we started, " Are ye no frichtifc?" Hooever, we got naething but civility an' kindness frae everybody. I must alloo that. An' we used tae walk on country roads till 10 or 11 o'clock at nicht. Ireland is a fine place for onybody that's no in a hurry. Tae me, at ony rate, it wis rale refreshing. If ye speak tao a man in a field he'll lee his wark, an' come ower an' sit on the dyke an' licht his pipe an' talk tae ye for an oor if ye like. "A handful of minutes is neither here nor there " on the ither side of the Irish Channel. Ireland is rich in cuddies and pigs. I saw mair cuddies in that 10 days than ye wid see here in a year. They are everywhere, looking ower the hedges an' under the hedges, an' through the hedges, an 1 lying rouwin' in the middle o' the road wi' their heels in the air. Doon in the country places they hae nae shoes on, an' their wee feet are lang an' twisted like an auld coo's. Their wee foals, Bailie, are the bonniest wee things ever ye saw. As for pigs, " the gintleman that pays the rint,"— only there's nae rents noo, ye see them walkin' aboot wi' a grave an' solemn look as befits their importance, rootin' the weans up frae their play, or pnttin' their heid in at the cabin door tae see what's for dinner. , . . . I found a' richt at hame, the laddie haein' made nae bad debts, nor accepted ony bills in my absence. — Your 3, Jeems Kaye, in the Bailie.