PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 13996, 31 August 1907, Page 6

PASSING NOTES.

From time to time, secretly 1 toeairy of the oeaseless exaltation of education above all things, wc enjoy the rare instances of humour with which its processes provide us. " Windfalls from the tree of Knowledge," one may call them, prized in proportion to their rarity. Less- frequent than formerly, because 'each year the great educational question becomcs greater. Closely enough now wo realise what great issues strike their roots into tho question of efficient national education —t-hat industrial.expansion and racial supremacy . must be nourished like, or wither and die. . And thus, oppressed with the importance of the seriotiq side, wc turn with relief to whatever blossoms of humour still brighten the topic and represent for to the light side of Nature. Ono of my English papers is responsible for tho best example .at hand, as.follows (the definitions of "double dealing" and " common-sense" being to my' mind especially happy): — [Genuine and nntoiiohcd extracts from the answers to ..a papar in " General Information", eot to the pupils of a largo preparatory school.] 1. The modern n&nie for G-aul is Vinegar. 2. "Double dealing" is when you buy wholesale to sell retail.

3, "To dog' a man's footsteps" is to set your (leg after him. 1 *' 4. Oommon-PBiise ia seuso that you have to think about a bit bofoi;o you sco it. 6. Peeress is the property of a peer. C. Amatory versos are,' vorse3. composed by an amateivr.

7. lucomo is a yearly tax. 8. "Keductio wl absurdiim " nrniis "There is no souso in reduction." 9. Yew is a she-shoep. 10. Dodo means "You aro the same.!" (Query, "ditto"?) 11. Dcdo is. a bird that is nearly ilcccnt. nov;.

10. A knave is a man who shows people their plnccs in clmrch. 13.- Mr Balfour is a man who ruined a lot of people and then wrote a book. 14. Mailing someone understand -.jinything is " Exasperating." . ' ,

Tho last definition, it is easy to believe, tho examiner cordially eiuloi'sed.

Church-going made easy.is, apparently, the, Intest step in religious movements. The 6tay-at-home Christian is, it appears, to be offered inducements for clmrch-going as lavish as the, prospectus of Herr Schmidt's famous electioneering platform. The Churchman's Union for the Advancement of Liberal Religious Thought makes the '»• • •<!, ,

liberty in the dioioo of "lessons for tho day," coupled with t.]ie bold avowal that some of those in,use "shocked the critical faculty" of fcV|o congregation awl were "distinctly uncdifying." So that we shall no more be callcd .upon after church to explain to Iho ir.aiM'iig i«ind of mysteries of Jonah's whale, and why whales' throats were in those days so much more capacious! Or account for the weird intelligence of Balaam's nee, or whitewash the bloodthirsty Jehu, or explain away the unseemly behaviour of (he splendid coldblooded Joel. Vor these promised reliefs let us lie duly thankful; but our thankfulness, if the Liberal Thought Union carries out its programme, will not end here. Tho omission of the Athanasian creed ami the curtailment of the State prayers are also advocated—drastic rofonns which would leave ample room for some cheerful enlargement of the musical j)ortion of tlie service. If so, may it take the fonp which will gather the whole congregation into the fine pensc of intercommunion''which inspires all united effort! On the other hand, the National Ghuvch League is cautious, and • evidently ' looks askance at tlie sweeping proposals of. the' Liberal Religious Thought .Union, remarking'that "at the present, time any such revision is fraught- with danger." And while alterations, improvements, and curtailments occupy the attention of leaguos-aad unions, thai eminently practical cleric, the Bishop of London, has spoken with no uncertain sound to a larjze and fashionable congregation on the biblical injunction that "the Jnlyniror is wor'-hv o»\ hit l>>rc" .T'-p Bishop appealed for contributions to the Victoria Clergy Fund, on the ground that there were over 5000 benefices in England under £800 n. vi-ar nnd n w n t! - o>wd under £100; and that "in the irreconcilable problem okliow to make both ends nwl many nf ffii> Mer'-'r »:eK o-it and hurried into their graves before their time." Small wonder! What bitter irony is involved in the utterance of the injunction to "take no thought for the morrow," et<\", bv the curatu'li" is trill" 'In .keep body and soul together and maintain a decent appearance 011 £100 a year.

In all the manifold ami increasing provision which is made for the upbringing of the young New Zcalander, one is often inclined to ask, where does tho harmless, lint necessary, parent, come in? Without in any way disparaging the efforts of the State'towards the betterment of the individual, it 6e«i!(s to me a very open question whether the constant removal of responsibility from the individual to the State in likely to build up a thrifty, sturdy, or eelf-reliant nation. .At our present rate of progress tho,young Xew Zcahndov of the future will, in. a large wrpsntniro of cases. fiH nee the liplit under State Maternity Hospital conditions. IT*:' will be Hlueatcd by the Si ate from even his infant kindergarten age; ho may certainty call r his soul his own, but not his teeth, for they will be under State care. So that the poor oppressed parents may not be asked to squander their substance in school books, lie will apparently be fed on the mental pabulum of the School .Ti)"ri^ ! —hi"hlv conducive to mental nna>mia this, I ,'shbuld sav. His boyhood and youth, if lie'su desires, will lie spent >n roceivin'j KtMe benefits of education and technical. traiiiine, for none, of which will'he be taught to be in the least degree grateful. What necessity is there to be grateful to the State? Anything that lie can win in the way of State scholarships, etc., will stand to his own credit. .As to his clothes, and focd, an<l keep at tho hands of his parents, whatever gratitude they may expect for the comforts and pleasures of home, it is quite c'.ear that the State cxpecte nothing from him in that line. As Sir Joseph Ward ■ explained to English audiences, " We do not believe in dragging down the young colonist by compelling him to contribute to the support of'his parents." onlv departments which a comprehensive Government now leaves to the navents' consideration are morals and .manners, and these, .011 the word of a pi'Mic school teacher, are largely ..handed, over by tho parents; to the teachers, to I bo included in the syllabus.' When

schooldays,, are over onr, ymjnjr man will still ba shrived, so far as State finances and State legislation permit, oi. responsibly. Ho hut uwk harclor too long, or at too small: a waae; and if ho is ill or hurt, his employer glial' care for hira and pay for him. Having nothing to l)o grateful for, he may devote '"'iriself entirely to himself. The responsibilities which-,his parents shirked for him lie-mil, in his turn, shirk for theni, and if thev are inconsiderate, enough to need help' before H'ey p.vn old enough to demand it from the State, so much tV worse for thorn! Now what- sort of nation do to expect to rear from such a lifelong training in irresponsibility? ■

Not in vain have \ve ha<l our "seven fat years"—or their equivalent—of prosperity: a use has been found all along the line fbr our little savings. Now it has been the Cathedral Fund, and then the Hoclten Fund, one month the Chinese Famine (Fund'and another tho Art Gallery, which have pleaded with us and kept our balance at the bank from growing ostentatiously vulgar. They were all good objects in their way, and each commanded the sympathy and support of a section of tho public. 'I have no doubt'myself that, sympathisers of the " White Race League," for instance, poured l their csmli into tho Chinese Famine Fund.•' merely to ■ prove how much bettor it was to,starve peacefully in, China/than stir np strife in Australasia. But now a better thing than all these has come a-begging, and begging boldly, fecurej in the greatness of its. appeal to every man and woman, father and mother, in. town and suburbs and country townships, . Seventeen .thousand pounds is a; good round sum for the Y.M.C.A..; iff any other alphabetical combination to ask .for. in p community like ours; and it will be' found that .the two thousand-pound ."starters" will want- sonic big backing up. Somewhere among the loose coins mil be found my own expression of faith in the association and its work. And here, without delay, is my opinion that the mart' who gives, to this latest call upon our generosity-is tho true Socialist, working through individual self-sacrifice for the general' good. Naturally) of course, 'every temperance advocate —man and • woman—will give, and give generously that-., goes without saying. For hero-is a method of obtaining firstclass rooms, and recreation, nnfi company for young men beside which the best hotel in town will seem sordid and <lull. Of course,' the labour members will gladly give, for tho benefit of the peoplo they represent. While- the Government? —well, if' the Government .is well enough off to spend £1000 on sending the In6pectov-ger.cral of Schools on a roving commission for indiscriminate information, it might veil invest a thousand on the Y.M.C.A. Building Fund. It would be n. snug investment, too, I take it; for the young men that will' como under the influence of the Y.M.C.A. are not lik'ejy to leave their parents to swell the numbers on the Old Ago Pensions list or como to it themselves.

The futility, clumsiness; and. helplessness of even the well-intentioned man aro surely never so apparent, as in his relations with the small infant. -Tho smaller the infant tho greator its capacity for rendering t.he ; hapless male pereon. who attempts-any dealings with it ridiculous. Tho inexperienced curate gingerly ■ handling the-small candidate for baptism, the young father wrcst!in.'r with the baby who roars in its mother's absence, are familiar instances. But what- are these normal situations when contrasted with the abnormal crisis evolved bv fervid philanthropy on the one hand and misguided maternity on the other? A mere flash in the pai truly t To gcfcilio full.flavour out of tlie curious possibilities which may eirclc round the innocent, infant we must- have an enthusiast, instinct with the zeal of a good man's championship of helpless childhood, an (ingiy and obstinate mother, a well-meaning official and a ruffled Minister of tlie Crown. Mix well, flavour with, imagination, and you have something of the position in which our Eugenics Society, a, mother, a po'.iceman, and a Minister have been involved by one small infant. TJiq real troubjo of our.time would appear to be that many parents, ■ especially mothers, are no longer, able to manage their own concerns. King Solomon had his little difliinlties with mothers and infants, which greater simplicity of methods enabled him to settle promptly and score hcavilv. Gilbert and Sullivan may also bo said to have made a very pretty score in tho treatment of the "mixed these babies up" theme in the "Pirates of Penzance." Real, everyday life supplies the latest instances of confusion worse confounded in tho case of two poor women ,at- Amiens. At the same hospital oil tlie same day these two women gave birth respect ivelv to a boy and a girl. ■ Previous to leaving hospital some time later tho - two infante were takeivfrom their mothers into ail adjoining room to be vaccinated. On reaching their respective homes the double tragedv revealed itself. Each mother bad n babv. but it was the wron<r babv. Fortunately tlie difficulty was easily adjusted on application at tiie hospital, where the nurses had, literally, " mixed there babies up."

A correspondent, with an eye for the humorous sends me the. following notice of forthcoming festivities to. be held in a back-blocks township: — :> Tka Blank will lie held in the l)lajik Schoolhouso on Friday, tho —. Gents 2s, laities free. Rctabmcnts provided. The Blank Dramatic Company will jive a short interment during tho dance.

By order. And yet we must confess to some ambigui- ; ties of expression even, in Diuiedin. Did 1 not vr/i-iillr .IV ••'■ii'-l-•! ! by a fellow cleric as,to,appear "with limelight- accompaniment." ..-Now I find the good doctor excellent in matter., and manner,"served pitiin," 60 to speak; with • limelight. accompaniment opens up a wide-field of possibility. Then mere is this variation of an oft-quoted advertisement: —

Kespoctiible lady (a stranger to Dunrdiu) wants washirig and ciea-ning by tho day. Good waster.'—Anxious,

I certainly admire the two-edged quality of the bracketed " stranger to Dunedin." Tho' following, taken from a ladies' paper, trenches on mysteries which 110 man may attempt, to explore- —

kady wishes to exchange two dark brown railo, niixejl groy, for one gocd gie>; tail.

Then there is an item from tlie prospoctus of an English secondary 6cl-K>l's camp

which certainly boat« anything that out own schoolboys could do in the same line, though wo are accnstomcd to say that they can " oat anything"

Thoro will bs a well-supplied canteen whero wholcsomo delicacies beloved of boys—bjotlnccs, < bathing itoawers, bioyolo oil, etc., etc.,—can Ik purchased si rcusonnblo priccs.—Pnnoh.

Tho Glasgow News, in its, turn, throws an interesting light on what seenis to be a somewhat unusual' development of the 6implo life among the goou citizens:—

. When, the village of Brownfield camo to bs laid out tlibro could be seen many elegant villas with gardens runiujig down to tho silvory Clyde, in which the wealthy. merchants of Glasgow spent their nights. Tho Church Times has an advertisement in the interests of a lady who is decidedly blessed with.'the hump of acquisitiveness. L»dy, laving small bungalow, would" like another aa companion.

We hear on every' side of the domestic, service problem in New Zealand, but I do not recall any instance in which liouse!':air'in' i'i'/l noiwc-'wal:)" • 'vivo V-.-i combined in' the way implied by the following advertisement: —

Aq head housemaid of threo; height 6ft "Sin; gorJ oliaiactor, left thrcugh breaking up establishment; disongp.Tcd. , . • Cryi3,