PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 13888, 27 April 1907, Page 6

PASSING NOTES.

Au unobtrusive little cablegram lately announced tliaf "The Italian Ambassador has asked Mr Deukin to support King .Emmanuel's scheme of International Agricultural Colleges." It only requires the ingenious brain of an H. G. \Vells to work out- a scheme for the absorption of tho world's armies and navies into Uie world's agricultural colleges—a literal ami universal turning of the sword into the ploughshare. If it were possible to contemplate the success of tho Peace Conference, a.nd the resultant disarmament of the nations, followed by the unchecked "increaso and multiply" of the nations, what moro neccssaa-y than International Agricultural Colleges? Will not every ro3ourcc of iudustry and scicnce bo sore put to it to find daily bread—let alono chew:—for the millions of potential lwroc3 about whom no more " Barrack-room Ballads" will need to be written? Curiously •enougli, the lines on which tho Italian Institute of Agriculture is founded were suggested to King Emmanuel by an American philanthropist, David Lubin, and on tlie occasion of tlie firet congress held by it the King not only presided personally, but showed his practical sympathy by ceding to the institute for its "maintenance the rents of two Crown estates, worth at least £12,000. The aim of the Institute is to do for Italian iigricultnro what the Labour Exchanges are doing for labour. Tho Institute, however, lias, of course, the great advantage of being financed by the various States which liavo entered into the project, instead of maintaining an economical existence on the necessarily limited contributions of the labouring classes.

To Sir Frank Swettenham— not he of Jamaican fame, you understand—l am indebted for an entirely new light on poetic composition. My correspondents who frequently show a tendency to "run to verse" will probably bo interested. The "pantoun" is of Malayan structure, and may be classed as a primitive love-song. Tlie peculiarity of construction lies in its delightful srtlessness, the first two lines o: the quafeftin being entirely irrelevant, while the real gist of the matter is con'' lained in tho third and fourth lir.es. Here n an example: —

The senudoh bush grows in the forest. Tlie strings of Ihe loom are in a tangled

knot. It is true that I sit on your knee,

But do not hope for any further advantage. In view of the wide field for suggestivencss opened by tlie irrelevancy oi the first and second lines, tlie '''pantoun" might l>e exploited with startling effect by the artful compounders of prize "poems" for advertisement purposes. Rome such parapliiare as the following suggests itself in the case of a popular patent medicine: — The shop stands in a well-known street. Many curious smells arise from tlie labora-

tory. It is true this .medicine cures everything: By its uso atone you maj r liope to dodge

A second example of the " pantoun " runs thus:—

A lofty cocoanut palm leans toward tlie fort. The cloth of Solok-mako is burned 111 tho

fire. If my beloved conies to seek me, How can I send him away?

There is a delightful ambiguity about this last line which would not discredit gentle diplomacy of mora conventional circles.

Evidently varimiß circumstanccs, local j and Ex'ubitionwards, have, aroused an in- | forest—perhaps only a commercial one—in | art: —

] Dear Cms,—Jfcthinks I recognise the work • of sin " old master" in this pioture I send , you. It lids tlio possession oi my ■ ''uncle" (no blopg- relative) fur a number ; of years, but. 3.4 tliero appears to be a " resurrection." I deckled to scrape up enough money to "redeem" it. (Most appropriate lime for redeeming, say you; but of ceurso I mean a resurrection of pictures). This enforced (on my pr.rt) obscurity oi tibo picture accounts for its not coming to light I soonor, as " uncle" (poor, benighted sou:) [filed to vecogufc-c its worth. Before be took possession, I can trace it to the ownership of relatives (blood 01103 this time) as far baek as '.Oi! n.c. The value I put on it is two thousand golden sovereigns, and if you will assist 1110 to get this for it I will promise you faithfully your palm oi] share will be not less than a clear

"Thou," Vi'hai say you?~Youi's in the bonds 01" obscurity,

Not Understood. The tone of your last confidential whisper, my frieoil, may lie passed over. Ignoring your indiscretion as the sad result of

"evil communications," wo will consider your " old master." The absence of a swan iu tho foreground pool points to its not being a Watteau, while the lack of sunshine precludes tho idea of a Corot, and the absence of a bridge or a road, the probability of a Constable. 011 the other hand, the very fact that none of these "hall marks" of popular recognition nve present enables me to give you hope. •Judicious keeping in u smoky atmosphere - uncle's," or elsewhere—may qualify your picture: in time for the role vou de.-.ire. "Old Masters" are like pears: planted—or painted—for our heir"

I always confess , myself sorry when I am unable to devote a few moments to the advertisement columns of the local, no less than the Home, papers; there is always the chance of dropping on treasure. An advertisement which 1 chanced on the oth?r day would apparently obviate all the difficulties and expenses involved 111 the State care of Habitual Drunkards:—

Cure:] in 21 Hours.—Any lady can cure tl'.o most violent- drunkard secretly at home. J lift put a little ill the drunkard's tea or coffee, or ill his food. He will never notice it; lie will be cured before he realises it.

Lt.'i. Carnegie with his free libraries. liocfceftUor with his philanthropies, :\!is Stanford with her splendidly-endowed univo:all hide their diminished heads before the anonymous benefactor who undertakes to cure confirmed drunkards tree. Not even postage stamps requested ! As an example of the comprehensive "ad.," I take the following from a Home paper,! commending it to the notice of , those who ate inclined to think the slan- ' dard of clerical life is falling. If so i much is requisite for a semi-solo charge, i what would he demanded for sole charge? j Curate Wanted.—Semi-sole Charge.—(l) Hfl- • rmaai* .D'orUjian who h«s been ussd

of God to tho conversion of souls; (2) loyal, consistently loyal to tho Truth of God and to our grand old Protestant and Raformod Church, following the old Evangelical typo of Slowoii, Bishops Wilson and Waldcgravc; (3) a. geiillqman, with a. courtesy and eym-P&t-hy not forced or of sot clericul habit, but engendered of lovo to Clirist and mon; ona strong, quiet, and true; (1) a, man among mon If married, \vifo a. Christian helpmeet. Stip-nd according t° experience. An attractive sphere, a hearty welcome, and. D.G., I trust, sympathy, and consideration await a gocd man.

The advertisement- which might be differently expressed still occasionally happens. Here is one from a woman's weekly: —

Torquay.—Gentlewomen wish to take in lady or gentleman inquiring chmtge and Test in comfortable bouse. Sunny, sheltered. Large garden. Write, ote.

Tho desire to " take in" either ladies or gentlemen is more often repudiated than declared by the landladies.

Someone has been " throwing off a- little thing or two" for my benefit again:

HENRY GEOitaEisii. In days of yore tile Georges Four

Our sires did sorely drive, But uutler Fowlds's bonignant sway We'll scon have G-corgius V.

Mr Fowlds at Cheviot.

Mr Fowlds was not so far out, When ho likened himself to On!d j\ T ick, For if ho sets his way it's as clear as day To the Devil the Freehold lie' 11 Ivicl;.

My rliymster is surely in a captious mnod. It is evident that the fluent utterances of the Minister of Education do not meet with his approval. Among till those flowers of oratory, jocose and otherwise, in which Mr Fowkls indulges, are there none that satisfy li M"? In tho face of all those specious arguments with their ground-bait (if provision fur the unborn millions, and inevitable pose of misrepresentation by that mendacious Opposition, can "M."—or N either—really find fault witli tho Minister of Education? Is it possible to listen to tho crescendo of almost pulpit eloquence which finds its climax in quotation from the brat- bonk in the world, " the earth is the Lord's and tho fulness thereof," unmoved? Truly, the paths of Ministers of the Grown, salaried though they be, aro not all of roses.

I write the la6t note of my series to-day with what the old-timo novelist would term 11 mingled feelings"—there is something chilly in tho air to-day.

Dear Civis, —I read with interest and some surprise your solution of tho problem propounded to you some weeks ago regarding the Imiii and the gun. It st-emed evident at n ghnco that Homer liad been nodding most vigorously in this instance, but I waited for some abler mathematician than myssff to offer a correction. As, however, no ouo his yet doms so, I venturfc to submit to you, sir, lhat_ your second answer was ontiroly wrong. No fault can be found with the first answer—that, the man on the guard's van can shoot the engine-driver; but it would ta quito impossiblo for him with the'gun provided to shoot anyone behind the train. Your answer leaves out of account the fact that tho tain, and therefore tho bullet on tho train, a™ m motion. Tho position is briefly this: The bur'et in the gun is moving at the san:o speed as tho train—namely, with a velooity of BS!t per scoond. When the trigger is .putted a. velocity of 63ft per EOoond is imparted to the" bullet in. tlia opposite direction. These velooife. being oquiil and opporite, will exactly noutraliso each other, and tho result will bo that the ballet will drop vertically to the ground. The Vfidt'h 01" iie man, even if tho conditions such that ho could bo hit, could havo nothing at all to do with iha problem — Yours, etc., Bullet. "Bullet'' scores a clcar "bull's eye"— Cms frankly marks down "a miss." Tho velocity of 88ft per second is such a mere fraction of the velocity of ordinary projectiles that I omitted "to give it the consideration required for a correct solution. Of course, there is no oscuss for the error, ns tho velocity was clearly expressed. With the ordinary velocity of -projectiles, and the train mo'ving at the rate of ono milo a minute, or 88ft per second, it is merely :i matter of calculation whether the bnllct would hit tho man. and the thicknoss of the man would then be an element, in the calculation. One cheering reflection presents itself: to prove my conclusions irrefutable 011 all occasions would rob t-hese "Passing Notes" of half their zest. The chance of " bowling Civjs out" is the chance of the nugget to the prospector.