Page 4 Advertisements Column 2

NZ Truth, Issue 1286, 31 July 1930, Page 4

TROPICAL TOPICS ♦■ i General Anaesthetic Needed ;MANY dentists consider that painless ' extraction of teeth is a boon to patients. So ;t may be, but what about inventing something to lessen the pain on receipt of the bill? * * * jy[R. FORBES has evidently a great feeling of ' con(dble)ence for the unemployed. # # * Oh, Dry Those Tears! MERCHANTS who trade m onions, and know their onions, declare that when the Government seeks to impose a duty on onions it does not know its onions, which must bring tears to the eyes of the merchants. • . y * * A MEMBER of the Legislative Counrx cil, when discussing a suggested increase m members' salaries, declared that. the. Arbitration Court should deal with the matter. "Truth" concurs, but thinks most of the cases would come under the Apprenticeship Act. * # # A Spirited Rescue i > A CASE of base ingratitude is reported from Scotland. One native saved another from drowning and got no thanks for it. The victim was fished out of a vat of whisky! A NEWSPAPER correspondent facetiously inquires how a man can be expected to pay 30/- a year to the unemployed fund when he hasn't got a penny m the world. Let him dole it but when he gets it. * * • Smoke Screen DUT this m your pipe and smoke it, said Prime Minister Forbes, when he increased the tariff on tobacco. # # * THERE will be more duties on clothes. Well, they can't go very much higher. # # • Anything for .Luck "W/EAR a white flower for luck," was " the advice tendered to a prospective bridegroom the other day. As if any man could be lucky when he is getting married! * # THE unemployment poll tax is certainly creating a pretty doleful feeling. * * * ,Was He Crying Stinking Fish THE Rev. Clyde Carr recently re- . marked that, "The bad lish m the Education net were the dunces and they had been thrown out." Sounds like a case for the Health Department. =» # . * MEWSPAPER Caption: "Sailors as Jockeys." Why not? They've ridden many a sea horse on the main.- --* • * # Speak Up, Ladies! A SOUND picture with a wholly ** female cast is advertised as "100 per cent, talking." This appears to be a very fine example of "honesty m advertising." ' » # * "rANCY playing cricket at that age!" Flapper who heard that Bradman had reached a century. * * • Devil May Care . "W/HERE is my wandering Ron W to-night?" The flapper sighed, and then With carmined lips and painted cheeks Went off to flirt with Tim. * * * "DLUE tinted hair" is a coming fashion says a ladies' page. There is one consolation, the women will never go for it bald-headed! * * » The Cowardly Variety! i : " A SCHOOLMASTER full of enthu- **■ siasm for Don. Bradman asked his class to name a single word which could be interpreted to mean m the sporting sense "hits and runs." And the son of an orchardist promptly replied, "Tomato!" * # * .■ DEER, under the new Budget, will go ** up. Oh, well, it's had a very good run going down. * # * How Could They? A CONTEMPORARY'S head - line *~* reads: "Policeman's wonderful feat should not pass unnoticed." No policeman's feet ever do! * # # THAT financial deficit. Mr. Forbes * seems to be out to budge it! * * * ' # Squaring The Circle A PUBLICAN has been fined for *"* keeping "square" gin m a round dry gin bottle. This somehow upsets the theory that you can't put a square "peg" m a round hole! * . * * Hope Springs Eternal THE only hope of a return to the silent movies rests on the slender chance of all the Yankee artists suddenly acquiring chronic colds m their noses. * * * "TT'S only brewing trouble," said the A drunk, when he heard that the price of beer was being increased. • * • Steady Round The Corners \ JDACING trainers when despatching horses to the racecourse very often send them along m specially constructed motor vehicles, and the prad sometimes gets its revenge by putting the trainers m the financial cart. * * * DETROL will be dearer — there will be the juice to pay! # # # Souls and Soles AN overseas clergyman has expressed ** the opinion that "it is much better for a man to be a flrst-class bootmaker than a third-rate parson." When you're soled and heeled by a first-class man, At least you can face the rain, And take your chance witli a church's ban, Tho' the wowsers rage m vain; And a third-rate parson would probably do To warn you about your sin, When your foot is shod with a firstclass shoe, And the water ain't getting m. But even a first-rate parson might fail To persuade you about your sin, If your boots were through, or carried a nail That was pricking yoin' tender skin; So it seems to me that the only plan Is to see you have well-tanned hide For tho outside soles, ancl chance the man Who looks after the souls inside.