WORRY OVER WHISKY

NZ Truth, Issue 889, 9 December 1922, Page 6

WORRY OVER WHISKY

"Come Into The Garden, Maud"

A Drunken Duet

My word! Maud must have got the wind up all right to set sail o'er the stormy seas on a wild November night,, all on. her ownsome, to escape an allegedly horrible husband . threatening murder ' and berlud. And 'twas a terrible tale' she told Magistrate Wilson about it m the Auckland Police Court last week-end, when she charged her wild and woolly lord with assault. The said "wild one was William Forbes, alias "Scotty" McKirinori, alias William McKenzie, and Maud was his lawful wedded wife and resided with him> at the lonesome isle known as Flat Island, near the Great Barrier— not the Flat Rock, which the steamer Rona kissed some months back In broad daylight, to the ruin of her nose and other calamities. . ' * According to Maud the pair had been -for a trip abroad, that is to say,- up along the coast for a spell, to get rid of some: of. the loneliness engendered by life on the island. To make' up for the dryhess of the climate on the Robinson Crusoe lot, they | had a few exhilirators whilst away, and when they were, landed home again -after their travels there was a little "something m the bottle for the morning." But, said Maud, her hubby was top. well primed that night to haye any patience to wait for the morrow, and he insisted on some more of what. he already- had too much of. In fict, he was tnorie. than primed — he was loaded to the muzzle; and when his wine thought it was best to hide the rest of the grog, he went off witha loud bang. She refused to bring the firewater .to light, this notwithstanding, and "Scotty" . became "exceedingly so." In fact, Maud averred, 'he roared like an Ayrshire bull fenced off from his harem and then knocked her down and _ r. . . ">. PUT THE BOOT IN. Then when she" arose to her Trilbies again, the savage "Scotty" let fly the empty, mug which so enraged him, and

landed Ub with a wallop on the region of the right optic, the said spot being laid open arid made- gory by the Impact. With renewed roars her liege lord then threatened to do for her that very n,ight. Not wishing to join the angels without longer notice than that, the lady flew from/ the unhappy domicile and made for the shore, where she: leaped into the* dinghoy and, seizing} the oars, rowed for her very life across the vasty deep, despite a howling wind and a rushing tide, for the roar ,of the wind was lobs fearful than that of her angry lord and the rush of the tide was nothing to the rushes of the enraged man from whom she fled across the waste of waters. Maud called a couple of witnesses to testify to the injuries she had sustained on that never-to-be -forgotten - night, and with one of these "Scotty" started to argue the point until the Magistrate cut him short and told him to confine himself to questions. Then "Scotty" got his turn to say some things, and :he hopped into the wtfnlass box with alacrity and told his version of the affairs of the eventful eve— which was entirely opposite to that told by Maudie. Maud was more than a good wife^ he said. She was n good woman — when she wasn't drunk — but she hod a penohant for getting on the 'tangle when she got. the chance, and didn't she make: it a welter when she got a load aboard! 'Twas false to, say he had so wronged the woman, that he had • beaten or abused his spouse and his best beloved. ' He wouldn't dream of such a thing, and they, too, all- alone on an island on their lonesomes. ■. The truth of the whole affair was m this wise: As much as he loved his Maud and admired her qualities (when sober), he had to admit and confess, and even to assert In .defence of his own unblemished character as a husband- and a man, that Maudie had taken too many, far, far too many, s:/Ots when returning home on the boat He wouldn't deny that he was A LITTfcE SPOTTY . himself on the occasion of the homocoming, but his Maud was far worse and really' didn't know what she wasdoing. Regarding the tale of the bottle, Maudie had been painfully incorrect m essence and detail — not wilfully, mind you. apparently could not remember, "which was not to. be wondered at, considering her condition. When they arrived at the quiet and erstwhile 'appy 'ome, it was his lady who wanted the whisky. In fact, Maudio grabbed the bottlo and poured herself out about half a cupful of tho jazzftulce. As became a good husband, regardful of his wife's welfare, ho remonstrated with her, saying: "Oh Maud! That's too much. A bottlo should last you a week." "Go out with you and get along and don't bo foolish," said' Maudie, as she lifted tho cup Upward. '"Ladles drink whisky by tho glass." "And when it's dono with itH done," averred Maudie philosophically. . But thero's many a slip 'tween tho cup and the lip, even when tho china contains whisky, and hubby tried' to take it away for tho lady's own good? It was then that some of the precious elixir wns split, and Maudio grew very wrath about it. Howovor, sho #pt enough down her swallow to make* her condition worse, for' sho had already, had enough sv/allowa to malco a summer. Soon after this sho fell down of her own ! Incapacity to stand, and thus it was sho cut her eye.# That, was tho whole bllln" truth of it; and to infer, allege, impute or baldly state that he had dono tho deed was a wallopln' mistruth, rind thero you were! Just about hero tho Magistrate reckoned ho had heard enough and dismissed tho cagp. . .--, ,