"Silence the Coort!"

NZ Truth, Issue 276, 8 October 1910, Page 1

"Silence the Coort!"

Witness : I nejver idririlc to -success^ ♦i • • {Sergeant wAre you deaf ? , Witness 3 yes. m • ■ Witness : I saw him do it, though I was not looking. • • • Witness : He is fiery tempered. He told me to go to hell. ■» • • Accused : Oan I be excused ; I'va just been asked to have a drink ? Complainant : He's a beast. Defendant (bitterly) : ( You're no beauty, »' • • Accused : My wife -doesn't drink. 1 do all that is nee&sary for tthe family. ■ • •> m Counsel : Your Honor, the prisoner is penniless. His Honor :Ashe is defended no doubt he is now. / n m ■ m The Sub : The accused is a hardworking man, but he will not leave the 'hotel when ten o'clock comes. • • • The S.M. : The worlcLis. as } '.wicked as ever. The only thing that has changed since I was a boy is my hair. • • • S.M. : I believe this offence took place at ten minutes to seven. Sergeant : No, your Worship, it ,was at sax-fifty. • * « . Judge : Members of the bar should make good soldiers. Counsel : Quite so, your Honor, they're such devils to charge. Counsel (m breach of promise suit) : My client is fair and forty. His irascible Honor : She is decidedly fat and flabby. •.* • ■ Maori (hearing J .P. sentence vag. to three months' "hard") : Py gorry ! He werry quick ! Me get ; no likee te court. Th-ree months m two. minutes ! Phew • • • Counsel : The law m this case is just. His Honor : Just so. Counsel : It's so just that . His Honor : Yes, it was passed m Parliament at an all-night sitting. Witness : He said I 'had the arms of Sandow, your Worship. His Worship : I should take that as . a compliment m a man of your physique. Witness : I'm a jockey, your Worship. • • • Judge (sentencing prisoner) : The jury have found you guilty. What have you to say •? Prisoner : I could say a lot, but I knew my luck was out when the cock-eyed foreman looked, at me. • • * His Honor (reading from law book) : Yes, I'm right. (Counsel looks dubious.) His Honor . Won't | you take my word. Counsel : Certainly, your Honor, and I shall also take the book. • His Worship : Why are you onlyi just out of gaol ? How did you come to make such a beast of yourself ? Female Accused : Well, he said "Are you a Prohibitionist ?" and I said "Try me, and see." •■. • • His Worship : What is your occu^ patron ? Defendant : Super, sir. His Worship : What's that ? Defendant : 1 blow a horn on the stage when the motor car comes on m the pictures, and make a clatter for the train, and . His Worship (sadly) : All right ; I've <heard it all. •, • . • Magistrate -' Have you a large family to support ? Accused : Yes, \ve got nine children. Magistrate : It must be hard to support them all on thirty shillings a week. Accused : It is a hard struggle, and I wouldn't be able to do it if they all didn't give me enough for their keep. • • • Counsel for Prosecution : Defendant is a bookmaker and trespassed on •the club's course. First Witness : Defendant is a loafer and a vagrant. Counsel for Defence : If my client is a bookmaker he cannot be a loafer and a vagrant, because he is charged with earning his living wholly or m part by bookmaking. If he is a loafer and vagrant he is not a -bookmaker, as alleged by the prosecution. Case dismissed.