THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 274, 1 October 1910, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who can undaunted brave the Critic's rage-? Or note unmoved his mention m tlie Critic's page? Parade his error m the public eye ? And Mother Grundy's rage defy ?

The wowser is beginning to accept the title bestowed upon him by "Truth." Isitt's prohibition rag, "The Vanguard," contains- a sketch entitled, "The Wowser and his Work." and the wowser is a sky pilot.

Between forty and fifty Chinamen are at present engaged m the market garden business m and around Mas|terton. The number of Europeans [engaged m the business, number — : — . [On second thoughts "Critic" will keep it dark.

It is understood, per cable, that Queen Mary views with great disfavor the announced desire of Queen Alexandra to be known by the appellation of "Queen" instead of that of "the Queen Mother," which is sanctioned by custom. Yes, that's the worst of mother s-in-law. You never lanow what they'll next do.

Nelson, the other day, was provided with a sensation. A boy infant, 10 months old, swallowed a pocket-knife two and a half inches long. A successful operation followed and the knife was recovered. Oh, yes,- the boy is all right. An infant who can digest a pocket knife is bound to succeed as a politician, where the only thing he need swallow is principle.

The Otaki cl Mute" kicks .--"Advertising is the newspaper proprietor's bread and butter, and while the Otaki "Mail, 11 m common with all newspapers m country towns, is willing and anxious to give the fullest publicity to all matters of general interest, the line must be drawn somewhere." Quite so, the newspaper proprietor s soul is measured by inches— at ordinary space rates.

A. widow aged forty-five, who had ;a farm fully stocked, advertised m a Duaiedin paper the other day that she wished '"to marry am experienced farmer ( Scotsman!!) with £500." There apparently is rtwictti truth m the Scot's proverb that "It takes mail gumption to gjudide gjear than tae ge.t it" ; and this lady seems 1 to be taking all kinds of care to get somebody for a . partner guaranteed to "gie her giear <ju>id qjiidin.' "

New Zealand owns 232 newspapers, of which 140 are published m the North Island, and 92 m tfhe South Island. And the tally is swelling. Sixty-seven of these are dailies. There are 24 Times, 17 Heralds, 14 Presses, besides Stars, Mails, News, Chronicles, and Advocates. And we baVte the .most southerly paper m the world ; it is printed at the Bluff. It is left to "Critic" to make the proudest remark of all. Though there are Times, Heralds, Presses, Stars, etc., ietc., there is only one "Trutihi."

In time to come, remarks an English writer, . the only servants who will 'live in 1 will be housekeepers and powdered footmen ; the other domestics will be specialists, who will charge so much, a visit to dust the chitaa, peel the potatoes, or take th« dogs for a walk. And' why not ? The days of slavery: are over. Wonderful isn't it what a show of independence of spirit will produce? In the bad old days good servants were treated as dogs. Now that times have changed, and the servant refuses to be a slave, the cry of the "tuppan suckles" is heart-rending.

Foxton has gone m for a new line of biz., that of producing centenarians. Up at the place which wants to waste a million or so on its harfoor, an African pigmy named Afobo, who stated he was a hundred years old, was charged with drunkenness. He had lost, his swag and had only twopence m his pocket. He was convicted and ordered to leave tihe town. Aftbo presented a pitiful sight as he hobbled ' out of court Palmersfconwards. .Constable Woods stuffed his pockets with refreshments, a-nd he was given some small coin to help him on the road. Stufted Ms pockets with refreshments. That's hardly the place.

The absolute rot that the cableman at the "•huttermost hends hof the hearth" sends to New Zealand can be easily seen by picking up any daily paper m the Dominion. For instance, we've been told a lot lately of what members of the British Institute of Journalists were doing, m Belgium. What the devil does I>he average man m Wellington or anywhere else care what British or any other journalists do. The "Taihape Times" must have been struck with the importance of the Belgium visit, as it published the same cable twice hi the one coi.mnn. v h-ii ■.•■•(.•ukl happen if the journalists v.-^i-d Taihape, "Critic" trembles to Hunk.

It is estimated that the capital value of all the licensed houses m New Zealand is about £3,156,147. {Jreat is the power of thirst.

Some newspapers do take themselves seriously. What the Marlborough -"Herald" called an unpardonable "literal" crept into tne pious sheet one day last week. It must have been, a hummer, as the proof-reader apologised* for having passed it. At last, the corn^. breathes freely.

A candidate for the Opunake Town Board having announced himself as a progressive, a "woman voter" writes to the "Opunalve Times" asking why, if he is genuinely progressive, he does not get married. The old "geyser." Probably she is on the shelf, and sees one last chance. ;■ ' . . . A Maryborough man has had Uie misfortune to lose a valuable calf through a strange circumstance. By some means the calf swallowed tne booked end of a length of fencing wire, the extraction of which caused such laceration that the animal had .to be destroyed. That's the worst of 'these calves, they get so hungry. Why, no boundary fence is safe now-a-days.

It's a wise child that knows its own father. In the Dunedin S.M.s Court thie other day three children were before the Juvenile Court for the purpose of being comma tted to an industrials school. The father was m the witness-box, and was asked by Magistrate Widdiowson if he were the father •of the children ; but his reply was drowned by the remark of one of his offspring, who yelled out "No !" m a very loud voice.

In 1878 James Walsh was hanged at InvercargiU G-aol for the murder of his wife at Waikawa, and -Ms body was buried under the gaol precincts. |In consequence of the shifting of the gaol, the remains (now only bones) were recently exhumed for reinverment m Eastern Cemetery. How gruesome. Walsh, even if bis life was claimed by the law, is not even given rest, after the Law took its course.

Solicitor Salter, of Christohairch who is also president of the Young Mien's Cadging Associartiioh, airs bis fanatical opin&ons on liquor quite ummeoesaarily m the Magistrate's Court. He appeared for Chas. Kemptcm, of Riccartan, w>ho convierted two stoleoi copper boilers into beer. "He is a victim of the infernal liquor traffic," said Salter, with unusual emphasis on the "infernal," and Kempton was represented as an extremely respectable person who had bfeen ruined toy hops. If sermonising becomes popular m t«he courts, the a-ttoendajn'ce will foe limited, but it may be a blessing m disguse, as the prospect' of suoh an awful infliction should prove a strong, deterrent to criminal's.

On a population basis, the Ash-bur-ton district has— outside city centres —the largest number of old age pensioners m New Zealand. Yet they say that No-license means thrift, and a tendency to make the inhabitants financially independent of the State. Oamaru, another No-license town, has been bragging about its periodical dean criminal sheet, yet the Oamaru Harboard wants to ruin this Dominion's good name by compounding with its London creditors for 12s Mm the £. Oamaru is so poor and dry that no burglar thinks of paying it a visit, and there is no cash for the dishonest clerk to embezzle. When anybody -does make a rise m Oamaru he spends so much celebrating it m. sly-grog that the rise is reduced to a mere circumstance, and bis earthly belongings are represented by various pawn tickets. AsMwrton's only real gain by Nolicense is m dogs, which have increased to a remark-able extent since the 'open bar was plugged and counted <*ut.

ChristclHireh is m the throes of discussion 6i a proposed To^n Hall, for the erection of which Victoria Triangle has been reserved from time immemorial. Unfortunately, the ideas of some of the local bumbles do not rise above the requirements of a small village, and their application to a city of 70,000 inhabitants has m the past been particularly disastrous. Mayor Allison wanted a miserable 30-thousand-pounder, but was induced to raise the price of the hall, for which competitive designs are to be invited,' to a minimum of £40,01)0, and a limit of £GO,OOO. Then the bolder spirits m the Council came with a great rush and hurled the 40---thousand-pounder oil* the premises, and stipulated for £00,000 as the price, failing something better. As a matter of fact, nothing short of a building worth £80,000 to £.100,000 should be erected by a city like Christchurch, which, is capable of enormous expansion, but the ratepayers would probably not sanction it. Fat hates paying rates, and he refuses to improve his city, and, incidentp.'ly, his own property, by the erection of a really creditable building.

A Sydney cable states that at a school cadets' sham fight at Afoury the boys put peas m their rifles. Three were injured,; one being unconscious and having to be taken to the •hospital. Sham fight ! These teds help to make things real.

Here's a chance for cheap washing. A recent advertisement m one of the dailies reads as follows: "Wanted, washing by the day, Tuesday fre&." If the lady desires it to be understood that she will wash for nothing on Tuesdays, she shouldi get a lot of custom on that day.

Twins who are joined together from the ribs downwards and have only three legs between them have been born to a Gipsy named Magdalena Herak, m Moldavia. They are offered for sale by their parents. There are lots of ways of making money, but thus twin industry should not be tostered m this Dominion, notwithstanding its want of 'boy scouts.

English papers are trying to popularise the word "airman" to express the kifld of mortal who desires to fly, and who heretofore were called by the somewhat foreign-souiftdiiig name of "aviator." That's all right, but what afoout the sihe-tooddes! who take up the flying business ? Will it be right to call a woman ttyer an "airmaness" ? Such a person might be called an "airess"-^t's generally understood, further, that heiresses are usually high flyers.

Adimiiral Sir George Nares, the celebrated Arctic explorer, we are told, won six first prizes for sweet peas at the Sutfteton (.Enigjland). flower show. To whatv lengths will people not go m their . search for fame ! Prahiaibly the Admiral wanted ... .something .m, Xhe way of diplomas or some such thing as evidence of celebrity m the sweetrpea line. Celebrity m the Polar exploration business isn't quite so respectable and awe-inspiring as it used to -be since people have learnt how records of discoveries can be cooked.

Stratford borough councillors, we are told, talked so extensively at their, last meeting, that thie local paper had to report the proceedings m instalments. Ttoat's not tine right way to deal with pigmy politicians troubled with talkativeness. Im. nine cases out of ten, if the press stops reporting their piosy pronouncements they will shut up altogether. As things are, tibe poor country Journalist has a bad time of it, being called on to get very much excited over such questions, as whether the fire brigade station shall be painted yeliow or green.

Speaking at the vanish, annual festival of the Dunedlin YJYLO.A., the Rev. W. Gray Dixon, a Presbyterian parson lately imported from the north, said,' referring to Chief Justice Stout's recent ( - remarks oregarding tofbacco, that be was glad to hear a man m a public position raising bis voice against the tobacoo <ha<bit. He was kind enougih, however, to admit that toe didn't regard smoking as a sin, though he thought there was much daoger 'va it. If there is danger, tbe State should take steps to protect its people. Already young hoys may not buy toibbeco. Why not raise the age to twemty-ftvfe or thereabouts ? or make smjoking by' anyone a© offence ? If our friends, the parsons, manage to abolish tanglefoot, tcfclacco, "-'two-up," and other bright spots m life there will ftien be no dearth of mftnTbers of Young Men's Christian Associations— (there would be nothing more enjoyable to (to than wear a long face and play basket* ball or old maid.

■ • ■ Auctolaflid's City Faffterg have been waxing very indignant because "Tommy" Taylor has been saying nasty . things atoout some workers' hovels m the Newton district. There can be no doubt that there are some of the most disgraceful haA&tataons to be found m the Dominion within the city limits of Auckland. In fact, within a stone's throw of the new town hall. EJven the District Hjealth Officer has confessed that there are some very gross examples of jerry-ibuilding 'going on which the present city by-laws cannot prevent. In a report, he says : "It seems a very •uaisaitasfiactiory state of affairs that the city bavilding by-laws cannot prevent such structures 'being erected. As they are at present, there are practically no powers enabling an inspector to control buildt. ings erected m wood. There is no-

thing dealing with the strength or suitability of materials used m framing, joisting, studdling, or covering. There is nothing requiring a builder to grade the foundation so j that water may not lodge or . run j under the house. The inspector's j powers as regards thie use of old ' material are so constructed as to ! be of little practical use, since he would reiriuire to spend his whole • time watching the builders to pro- ; vent their sli'mmiip: m condemned stuff. ?nd covering it up with lining, cl— . How's this for the Queen Uity ft (