Men and Women AND Matters all Around.

New Zealand Times, Volume LVIX, Issue 2875, 18 July 1896, Page 2

Men and Women AND Matters all Around.

I feel compelled to have a word with the oyster-house keepers. A good oyster on the half-shell, freshly opened and properly seasoned, is a delicious as well as nutritious mouthful.

A Frenchman has said that the most courageous man of all time was ho who first swallowed an oyster. This I would fully believe if the initial deglutition was done in a Wellington oyster shop.

This is no reflection on tho oyster, but on the way he i.i served up, and the manner in which these places are kept.

Nonice, fresh, folded napkin; no tablecloth, snowy and glistening ; no sparkling glass of water ; no plate of dainty crackers; no tomato katsup, no horse radish, no squeeze of lemon to counteract the coppery taste ; no attractive surroundings to create that feeling of comfort and home so necessary to the enjoyment of all food.

As I sat down lust uight in a stuffy place, suggestive of accumulated dust and microbes, and with all the above wants. I wished tho oyster had power to vise up in his shell and anathematise tho restaurateur for placing him at such disadvantages. In tho niceties in this respect wo are largely barbarians still. Our dining-rooms and restaurants should have high ceilings, and be clean, cool and airy. We badly need to cultivate more daintiness.

The coarse and low-toned Prohibitionist, which so grossly misrepresents the respectable members of that party, makes a wail of distress for want of funds, and abuses and misrepresents in its usual dishonest and vituperative way the Premier of the Colony.

The Premier could expect nothing else from a sheet that knows none of the decent qualities that mankind respect. How, by the way, is it that a Prohibitionist paper never yet paid in any country ? What do the Probs. do with tho money they save from the drink shops ?

The Argentine Republic seems to have produced a type of the new woman for which the world is not yet ready. The Standard, of Buenos Ayres, just to hand, prints the following lively item; —“Judge Garcia has a divorce case now before him in which the lady, three days after marriage, began to shy chairs and plates at her husband’s head. The poor devil fled tho camp to avoid having his skull cracked by tho missives, and when lie crept stealthily back to see how the ground lay, he found u morganatic husband installed in his place. This was just a trifle too much for his feelings, and he has instituted a divorce suit.” Who would think Argentina was so far advanced —on tho way to the devil.

Let us complain no more of the tortue of tho boardinghouse piano pounded by Mary Jane with the bangs -. —Camilla Bancia, an Italian, has broken all previous pianoforte playing records by a recital lasting 46 hours without a check. That is in itself bad enough, but what is worse is the announcement that Mr Bird has challenged his Italian rival to play against him for B 0 hours.

A friendly reader does not like my title, as not expressive enough. But I would remind him that it tho “ Fat Contributor” was a good enough pen-name for the groat Thackeray in London, it should be good enough for, mo down hero in Wellington. However, as he has a proposition to mako that may benefit some other reader, I will give his letter. Ho says:—

To the Pat CoxTitmuToit. —Sir, —Many thanks for your kind offer to make certain parties pay up tho cash for the fund. It got known that you were on the track, and the money was handed over at once; so all's well that ends well. Now I want to dq you a turn. It is this : when yon sign your name “ The Fat Contributor.” it looks bad in print; it has no meaning, for you are not a fat man, nqr do you weigh 23 stone with tho aid of your boots, which are not No. ll’s. Now, sir, 1 shall be most happy to offer 5s reward for the reader of your paper who suggests what would be a proper ” nom de plume ” for you to have.

I am quite aware that a rose called by any other name would smell quite as sweet; still, when we get used to a name that has a real meaning, wc respect it accordingly. When wo mention the word Lion we know what tha,t means, something brave aqd terrible strong; so with you with a proper name —but a ” Fat Contributor,” never 1 So I hope yon wifi leave it for your readers to decide, and I wifi hand over the cash to the lucky one and leave the decision to Messrs Hogg, G-. Jones and It. It. Harris.—Yours truly, Pen, Ink and Pai’Ell.

As the politicians say at nominating time, “ I am in the hands of my friends."

My passion is to keep up with all new inventions ; to watch the splendid progress of intelligence as it flashes its rays in through the dim virgin forests of the future ; to get lost in rapt admiration at the grand results of the onward march of mind, and to feel tile thrill that runs through intellectual humanity all around the globe at some new invention or discovery. And when such invention or discovery is of special benefit to womankind I believe I could become almost eloquent over it.

The latest invention of this kind that has excited my admiration is the production of a fabric that ohaugej colours under the varying conditions of the weather. When tho weather is warm and fair the colour is dark blue, In cold weather it changes to purple j the approach of rain is heralded by pink, and snow'renders it a startling green. It will bo observed that those are the most appropriate colours for tho several conditions of the weather named.

This invention will certainly mark a new era in fashion. When, presently, it has boon developed to its full extent a woman of fashion can array herself in a blue gown in the morning; by noon it will turn to a mauve ; the afternoon will find it pink, and the evening some other colour. This will obviate the necessity of a lady having many “changes” of dress, and work a groat saving in money as well as effect a valuable economy of time.

It will also be a great benefit to men. All one will have to do is to look at the colour of hia necktie when he gets up in the morning. If it be purple he will know he should take a heavy overcoat; if pink he takes an umbrella. And then how valuable for yachting. Look at the colour of your sails and you know the weather that is coming.

No practical use has yet been upid o °f the invention except a few sample neckties which the inventor has distributed among his friends. The fabric of which tho neckties were made resembles a course linen. Take it all in all mankind are get? ting along nicely. The Pat Cohtbjudtqb,