ECHOES FROM ODD CORNERS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1775, 14 March 1906, Page 16

ECHOES FROM ODD CORNERS.

(Collated by “Will-o’-tbe-Wiep ”)

It would seem ad if there were more kinds of fakers at Home than butter fakirs. It is said that owing to the increased sale in Britain of a locally made concoction known to “the trade’’ ; *s “alleged rum,” forty-two rum' distilleries had to close down in Jamaica. Jamaica is soliciting the aid of the British Parliament to put an end to this new Home industry.

Threshing machine owners oi South Canterbury have received official notice from the local inspector of awards that in future water cart men are to be paid the same wages as other hands employed by the mill owners.. Hitherto the waterman has been paid by the week, a regular wage, because be has a horse to look after, whether the mill is working or not. The order has been issued in accordance with the decision of the Court some time ago, in a case in which Mr George Saunders was sued for extra wages by his water cart man.

The editor of the “Anglo-Russian,” a paper devoted to the interests of the oppressed people of the Czar’s dominions, and especially the Jews of Russia, says:—“lt is not generally known that Columbus could hardly have undertaken- bis epoch-making voyage of discovery without the material and other aid offered him by Jews, of whom Luis de Santagel advanced for the expedition £32,000; Ribes drew the navigator’s map; Abraham Zacuto compiled the astronomical tables; Bernal was the ship’s doctor, and Rodrigo SanChez the superintendent. Finally, it is recorded that the first sailor who saw land was Rodrigo de Triana the Jew, and the first European to set foot on the American continent was Columbus’s interpreter, Luis de Torres the Jew! Before these historical facts our enterprising compatriots from north of the Tweed would do ■well to refrain from their popular boast that when the north pole is finally discovered a Scotsman will be found already sitting there and awaiting. Undoubtedly it will be a Jew!”

Yet another volunteer received a hard blow to his dignity. The volunteers on "Wednesday (says the Tananaki “Herald”) monopolised the racecourse for various military evolutions. A big black cow was very angry at this invasion of her grazing area, and after debating the matter with bovine, sagacity, she resolved to teach the intruders a lesson. She selected the outside man of the extended line as the one she would make an example of, and to x -the horror of that individual charged, with head down and tail erectr Thoughts of dropping on his knee with bayonet fixed, the approved method of “preparing to receive cavalry,” and other modes of defence, flashed through his mind, hut a second glance at the aggressive sharp-horned on comer settled all doubts. The hero turned, cared not for the order of his going, but “got.” His comrades were hugely delighted with the grand race afforded, and the betting on the start was evens, with G to 4 on the cow as the warrior neared the fence. The pursued was in good condition however, and bounded over the fence with a good two feet to spare. His mates reckon him a good thing for the handicap at the coming sports.

An advertisement has been appearing in some of the Home papers offering for sale “the cradle belonging to the Poet Burns, and in which his family were cradled.” I confess to having read it with a pang. As well sell the marriage ring as the family' cradle. What a tender little sketch could be written about that cradle! And to think that its fate is in the hands of the “highest bidder?’ Some wretched American dollar-bug would probably buy it, and have some miserable little baby dollar-bug rocked in it.

Shares in the Standard Oil Company—original cost, about lOdol. each •—are now worth 700dol. per share. The difference, on over a million shares, represents the robbery of the people fcy the Rockefeller brigands, and some of the robbed are New Zealand citizens.

A deciple of Boyle Roach made his appearance at the dinner in connection with the recent Fire Brigades’ Conference at Nelson, and delivered himself of the following:—“The apple of misfortune has fallen in our midst,

which if not nipped in the! bud, will break into a conflagration that will deiluge the whole country.” This brings to mind a recent election mixture of metaphors in England when an orator announced that Mr Chamberlain’s red herrings had come home to

Oil king Rockefeller, who hast grown bloated wit 11-wealth wrung ftom the users of kerosene, has donated £BOO,000 to the Chicago University. Thus are .the eons of the rich educated at the" expense of. the poor. The poor man’s light is taxed to illumine the mindo of the well-to-do.

The Woolwich Arsenal has got an order for two million rounds of ammunition and 100 quick-firing guns for the Navy. This would seem to corroborate Mjr Cunningham Graham’s recent statement at Musselburg, Scotland, that the first thing th© Liberals think of on coming into power is to look around for a little judicious blood-letting. Mr Graham was six years a Liberal member of Parliament, so he ought to know what he’s talking about. # * *

The other afternoon a well-known Wanganui resident and a friend of his from Wellington had rather an exciting experience. Together with two Maori girls, they were seated in a canoe fishing off Putiki, when four oither Mlaorii girls swami out to the canoe and capsized it, much to the surprise of the occupants, who* had no idea of the dusky maiden’s intentions until they found themselves struggling in the water. The girls remained by to see that those they had so unceremoniously “ducked” were in no danger, and then swam off, thoroughly satisfied with the success of their joke, which the occupants of the canoe' took in exceedingly good part. * * *

There is an up-to-date public house at Las Palmas which claims to be “the only English bar” in the island. The proprietor has issued a manifesto in order to push business, from which I quote the following:— Thou shalt not take anything from me without paying for it, for I need all that I have and more than I can get. Thou shalt not expect too -large glasses nor filled too full, othewise thou hadst better order a barrel at once*. Thou shalt not break the billiard cues nor throw money on the cloth, except in the form of bank notes, as firewood is cheap and the waitresses are too busy serving drinks to find time to sew; neither shalt thou get upon the billiard or other tables, as each customer is provided with a chair, or flight of steps, without extra charge. Thou shalt not offer had money for good drinks, nor shalt thou use bad language in the form of “Chalk it up, Missie,” or “Put it on the dlate, Boss” ; neither shalt thou attempt to quench thy thirst too quickly by asking the bar-keeper to stand treat, for he is apt to take down the wrong brand of champagne in such cases through scruples of conscience * # *

“Making wooden seeds for raspberry jam,” might suggest itself as a means of earning a living in some world of Gilbertian fancy, . says the “Guardian.” But it was in sober earnest that her occupation was thus described by a girl on admission to’ a London hospital some months ago, and when it was proved on inquiry that turnips and vegetable! marrows formed the basis of the “raspberry” jam, the raison d’etre of the wooden seeds was established satisfactorily enough. * * *

Among the million and one speeches delivered during the recent British elections was the following by a Lancashire miner speaking in favour of a Labour candidate: —“There’s an owd sayin’ that everything cumS reawnd to him as waits. But I say it’ll cum a dale sooner if he’ll up an’ fetch it, an’ t’ workers ’ll get what they’ve bin waitin’ for so long a, good dale sooner if they’ll getten up an’ fetch it for their sen. Scott says, ‘This is any own, my native land’! Well, this is eawr own, eawr native land, but we’n not as much land as’ll grow a penn’orth o’ rhubard, an’ if we wantin’ as much soil as t’ fill a flower pot we’ve to steal it. While* t’other fowks ate talkin’ abeawt this glorious- Empire, upon which t’ sun never sets there isn’t much sun as shines on t’ worker, never mind abeawt it never settin’.”

Election stories are in season now, and one of the best that has been tolcl for a long time is published in Paris. It appears that in France it is with local elected administrations the same as with the Legislature. The party in power know how to manage elections so that the “popular verdict” shall be in their favour. At a. certain southern town not long since the opposition in the municipal council, believing that an election had been gerrymandered, laid siege to the town hall and telegraphed to the sub-Perfect for armed aid. Meanwhile the men in possession had secured abundant food supplies, but on the sub-Perfect arriving and demanding the voters’ lists they were found to have given realistic application to the principle that men do not live on bread alone. The 'lists were missing, and it transpired that the whole register of 240 folios had been eaten to destroy evidence.

A lady teacher neglected to inform the Taranaki Education Board about the closing of the school, owing to illness. A member said she 1 should be told “'not to do it again.” The laughter which followed this suggestion puzzled him, until some light was thrown on the subject by a remark of another member that such a rebuke would arouse the ire of Mr Seddon, who preached the gospel of the “increased birth-rate. We understand the warning ‘not to do it again” was not forwarded.

HANDS. Sing for with hands. One thumb and four fingers apiece, They built the temples of Egypt and Greece 1 Sing, for in many lands Are things of us© and beauty seen, That without hands had never beenr— Without Skilled hands! No lily is more lovely, no, Nor can the swan more graces show Than lady’s arm commands! — O strength as of a giants grip! O firmness meet' to steer a ship!— O swart, male hands.

Frank hands, free hands, When dial I my little ones grow great And clasp such huge ones for their mate, Who thinks, who understands, How handeJ of soldiers and kings, And all those by princesses waved, Were once a baby’s hands and craved For jangling toys and shining things. • * *

Sir Morell M’Kenzie, the famous British surgeon, once received a wire from Antwerp asking his charges a certain operation. He replied £SOO, and was told to come at once. When he stepped upon the dock he was met by three men in mourning, who informed him that lie had come too late; the patient had died that morning. “But,” said the spokesman, “we do not intend that you shall be out of pocket a shilling. We shall pay you your full fee.” And they did. “And now,” said the man, “since you are here, what de you say to visiting the city hospital and giving a clinic for the benefit of our local surgeons? It is not often they have an opportunity of benefiting by such science ns yours?” Sir Morell said he would gladly. He went to the hospital and performed fcioveral operations, among which were two of a similar nature to that for which, he had been called. When he had finished all thanked him profusely. On the steamer he met a friend who had a business house in Antwerp. “Pretty scurvy trick they played on you, Sir Morell.” “What do you mean?” “Told you the patient died before you arrived, didn’t they ?” “Yes.” “Lied! You operated on him and a friend with the same trouble, at the clinic. Got two operations 1 for one price!” £ * »

Mr Kinsella, the Dairy Commissioner, hao expressed the opinion that a good deal of exaggeration is indulged in by people who sit down in Wellington and write articles about child labour in Taranaki. “If they went to Denmark and Canada,” he said, “and saw how milking is carried on in those countries, in bitterly cold weather, they would come to the conclusion that the children here have a picnic.” lam afraid Mr Kinsella has undertaken a “gowk errant” of fetching black to the very black in order to make white. It can’t he done.

A Clyde engineer tells this story about a trimmer ho had with him last trip. He was one of the most simple of • “Greeshuns” that has ever ventured to sea-, and the voyage had scarcely commenced when the heaving waves and the heavy work laid the poor fellow up for a couple of shifts. As he showed no signs of turning out, the engineer made inquiry, and learned that he was lip and dressed. Going forward, the engineer found Mr Greeshun sitting in the forecastle with his go-ashore clothes on, and no appearance of anxiety about work in his vicinity. “Get down below to your work at once, you loafer!” he yelled; but the anger in his voice changed to something else when the homesick one softly answered him, “I’ve left the job! Did ye no’ ken?”

A bankrupt complained at a meeting of creditors in Christchurch that his position was largely due to strong competition. “Hd competed against me for a contract,” said one of the creditors, “and he got it. • Then he came to me for the material with which he did the job, and I was never paid for the material. I don’t know whether that was the sort of competition that spoilt his business.”

The scene was a GTasgow prison cell, and the actors a. female prisoner and a lady who was endeavouring to instil into the convict’d mind some religious knowledge. Said the teacher:— “ ‘Thus spake the Seraph, and forthwith appeared a shining throng? now repeat that.” “Yes’m —‘Thus spake the Sheriff, and forthwith . . ?” It was in vain the lady explained that a “seraph” and a “sheriff” were somewhat different beings. The association of ideas was too strong and the hero of that paraphrase remained a sheriff to the ehcl. » * *

In an article in the “‘Australian Accountant,” Mr A. R Barclay, writing of Wellington and its progress, says: —‘The spirit of speculation has taken possession of the people to an extent that is startling when you come to realise it suddenly. _ That i« why the land boom is what it is just now. It is a bubble that is swelling too fast, and it will burst unless there is a cheek. The price of land at Island Bay cant go on lifting much above £ls a foo without a smash. The straightening of the Hutt railway doesn’t justify fcio

a foot and over at Petone. The land market is in a state of ridiculous flafcu» lency that should be cured, because it is unhealthy. One man told me how he had made GOO per cent, in a land deal in twelve months. He was in the first Miramar syndicate, and put in £3OO. After five months he got it tack again, and at the end of the year he ill ted anothe* £IBOO clear profit. At any rate, the road to riches looks top easy just now to be safe.” * * « The Taranaki Maori, no matter what may be said to the contrary, is still a savage (says the “Taranaki News”), and in the minds especially of the older generation there still rankles a hatred of the white man that only death can dispel. So long as Te Wbiti can keep that spirit even dormantly in existence, and effectively exclude from Parihaka and its environs European influence —• which would lessen, his mana —not much good can bo hoped for. Although within recent years the power of the tokuuga in Taranaki has not been brought so prominently under the glaro of puolic limelight as some of the meteoric flashes of new-fledged boh ungas in the north, it is nevertheless unfortunately only too true that in no district in the colony is the Maori so much under the baneful influence as he ia in Taranaki. Te Wbiti to-day has more influence and a greater following throughout New Zealand than any tolmnga in modern times.

New terrors have been added to the life of the M.P.’s wife by the thoughtless and almost ostentatious conduct of Mr Marshall Hall. The Tory member for Southport (says a Home paper) has been displaying his prowess at rifle shooting to his constituents. Mrs Ball held the target in her hand, clay or cards, and her husband hit the mark with every shot. There was “quite a sensation” (little wonder!) when Mr Hall smashed to hits a pipe and pierced a card which his wife held between her teeth. Mr and Mrs Hall have evidently taken to heart Lord Salisbury’s famous mot as to the popularity of the Parish Circus l . But surely all this should exercise a wholesome check upon feminine ambition. We are often assured that the M.P. submits to the ordeal of Parliamentary life, in order to conciliate hie wife, who suns herself in the prestige of her husband. But few wives, we fancy, would think the game worth the candle if their contribution to the entertainment is to bo that of clay-pipe and card holder at times when the husband M.P. does not “hesitate to shoot.”

The members of a class of Sydney schoolboys were asked the other day to write essays on what they would do when they grew up. Most of them said they would go on the land. A few thought they would become clerks or shopmen. One wrote: “Women are pushing themselves in everywhere. I don’t know what is to become of us men. I intend to be a builder, because women are afraid to climb ladders.”

A small ■••'bey who lives in an important railwav centre, had been accustomed to visiting the station and making friends with the railway servants. Ho persuaded his aunt to play trams with him the other day. He arranged the chairs in a line, and then said: “You be engineer and I’ll he the guard. Lend me your watch, and get up on .the engine.” He then hurried down the platform, watch in hand. “Pull out, you red-headed, pie-faced owl,” he shouted at the _ astonished young woman. “Why Willie! she exclaimed in amazement. 1 That s right, chew the rag,” he retorted. “Pull out. We are five minutes late already.” That boy is not allowed to fraternise with the railway men any more.

The Acting-Chief Justice of Victoria (Sir Edward Holroyd) has, reports the Melbourne “Argus,” put the following definition of murder before a Bendigo jury. His Honour said: “A man who has the misfortune when lie is committing a felony to kill someone he did not intend to kill is guilty of murder. If a man is doing some unlawful act which does not amount to felony kills someone he is guilty of manslaughter, even although he does not intend to kill. This gives rise to a curious state of things, m which 1 may he wrong, but I think I am right. It is thid: If a man attempts to kill himself, he is attempting to commit murder; and if, iu trymg to 1 himself, he takes the life of someone else, he is, in my opinion, murder. This view may be disputed, but I have considered it thoroug 3 •