A DUTCH CHEESE.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1156, 27 April 1894, Page 29

A DUTCH CHEESE.

44 The toughest thing I evor sate down to eat," said Jack, 44 was an old hen on board ship coming round the Horn. They thought thoy had cooked her, but by Gad 1 when thoy took tho cover off, I'll be hanged if she wasn't eating tho bread sauce."

44 Whew 1" I said, ,4 Bob, that's a scorcher. But I remember once when I was out with a Hudson's Bay trapper we ran short of food, and had to fall back on some three-year-old jerked beef. Between meals we used it to splice a broken axletree."

44 I've seen biltong in the Transvaal quito as tough as that," said Jim. 44 The boss used to help us with an axe, and we'd sit down to dinner with files and chisels instead of knives and forks."

44 And talking of that tough biltong reminds me of a Dutch cheese that Harry Simmonds bought off a Kaffir. The Kaffir said he didn't know what it was. He was a sweet innocent child of the karoo, lie was. He'd found it, ho said, on the waggon track. Wo heard afterwards that a Boer had traded it off on him for sixpence. The Boor had had it given him for nothing, by an Afrikander who had gone pretty near crazy before he got rid of it, and the Boer and his family were all going mad over the thing until the Kaffir came along. The Afrikander had got it a present from a white man down at Port Elizabeth, who had bought a ship load of them off a Yankee schooner, and been sitting on the breakwater with a shot gun ever since watching for tho Yankee to come back. But Harry didn't know anything then of all this, so he gave the Kaffir half-a-crown for it, and thought ho had done a smart deal, for Dutch cheeses didn't come our way often, and we'd have given half-a-sovereign for one any time. The Kaffir skipped off as soon as he had got his half-a-crown. He did not loiter about.

44 Harry was very proud of the cheese, and we all camo in to have some straight away, bringing our biscuits and knives with us ; and while Harry was getting ready to carve it we all handled it, and had a sniff at it. That Kaffir must have been a born idiot not to guess it was good from the smell of it. So wo taid. Then Harry started to carve. 44 4 I'll cut tho beauty slap in half first/ said he, after handling the round red hall for a bit; ' and then I'll cut it crosswise, and we'll share and share alike.'

" Then he put it straight on the table before him and drew his knife down it. There was not a scratch on it. He did it again harder; not a scratch. Then ho got standing up to it and put his knife on the cheese and leant all his weight on it, and we were afraid he would bust. His fiice grew purple with the force he was using, and I believe he would have bust if the knife had not suddenly snapped off. Then he sate down, and we all fairly roared at the expression of his face. I shall never forget it. But Harry was a determined chap. "' I'll eat some of that cheese or die for it'—and ho said it as if he meant it. And then he took up the cheese and turned it over and oter, and then he took off q»q

of his boots and began to hammer it with tho hoel. And tho hcol camo off. Then ho got up and looked round for something to throw at it. But there was not a stone on tho veldt, nor a treo trunk for a score of miles all round, and dashing it on the ground did no good. Then ho put it up and fired ac it with his rifle, and though ho hit it often enough it was always on ono side or the other, and the cheese just rolled a littlo and that was all. Then ho got desperate and going up to ono of the oxen hurled it with all his strength at its forehead. It struck it with a fearful crack and bounded off. But tho ox just shook his head, and there was no harm dono to tho cheeso. Thon ho inspanned and drovo tho waggon over it, but tho cheese simply sank into tho ground and was picked up as round as over. By this time it was getting late, and Harry was fairly mad. Wo lit tho camp firo, and sate down to tea. Not Ilany though. Ho was standing looking at tho cheeso in a kind of brown study, and when wo called him ho seemed to wake up, and ho took up tho cheeso and walked away across tho veldt in tho direction of a Kaffir kraal. What was ho going to do? Wo couldn't guess, but wo let him go. " It was dusk boforo ho camo back. Ho strode up straight to tho fire, and flung down in tho full light a half of tho cheese. . " ' How on earth did you break it ? I

asked. " * On a nigger's head,' was tho reply. " ' And tho niggor ? ' "'I gavo him the other half.' " And then wo found it was concrete flavoured with cheese, and if you go down to the town you'll seo all tho rest of tho consignment. They wero bought cheap by a builder, and thero isn't a gate-post or porch in all tho place that has not got one of tho Yankee's cheeses as an ornament on the top."—By Phil Robinson in tho London Globe.