HUMOROUS.

New Zealand Mail, 30 December 1892, Page 11

HUMOROUS.

THE WAITER GIRL AND THE NOVEL. A pretty little waiter girl sat behind a counter in one of the down town restaurants in Boston one evening recently devouring the pages of a cheap but very exciting novel. She had got to that part of the story where a climax was about to burst, and the brilliancy of the incandescent lamps was paled in comparison to the glow of expectancy that flashed in her grey eyes. The book went on to say, ' And Alfred gently placed his left arm around the waist of ' When a tall man entered and abruptly called out for a ham sandwich.

The pretty waitor girl glared, and under her breath she muttered, ' You old fool, why couldn't you have stayed out for a few minutes ?'

When the tall man began the mastication of bis sandwich she went back to her story.

1 Maude, and although there was a slight hesitation in her step, she followed mechanically by his side to a thickly covered arbour, where they seated themselves on a low bench. Alfred still held the beautiful girl close in his embrace. When they were seated he bent over and '

' Gimme a glass of milk and a piece of Washington pie,' said a little fellow in an impatient voice.

The pretty .waiter girl placed her book upon a shelf behind the counter, yanked a piece of pie upon a plate, drew a glass of milk from a gushing faucet, and Blid it along to the qustomer.

'I hope it will choke him,' she hissed.

' was about to implant an impassioned kiss upon her pouting red lips when a ghostly form flitted by the entrance to the heavy-leafed arbour. Maude saw the apparition and gave a blood-curdling shriek, and fell fainting in the arms of her lover. Instantly he sprang to his feet and made a mad rush out into the darkness. A few paces beyond the arbour his foot struck something in the grass, and he stooped down to make an investigation, when horror '

'Can 1 get a piece of huckleberry pie and a glass of cold coffee here?' inquired a man who held a gripsack and appeared impatient to get away. Huckleberr r pie and cold coffee were never before served with such a snap. 'What are they all coming to my counter for ?' queried the pretty waiter girl. ' There appears to be a special spite against me.' ' upon horrors ! There in the damp grass lay the form of Alfred's wife, dressed only in her night clothes. What could he do ? He must not let the fair young girl in the arbour into the secret of his duplicity. Just then he heard a carriage rapidly approaching, and stepping to the edge of the road he gave a low whistle. The vehicle stopped, and Alfred found that the driver was well known to him. He had the secret of the man's escape from State prison, and now was a time when he could put this knowledge to good advantage. '"There is the body of a woman lying there in the grass, and I want you to take her to the old house at the corner of the little lane just this side of Snake Pond. Remember the secret.'

' The man hastily got down from his carriage, and they both proceeded to the spot where Alfred's wife lay unconscious. As they bent to lift the prostrate form the sharp repori of a pistolrang out upon the stillness of the night.' ' I'll take a piece of squash pie with two pieces of cheese,' said a messenger boy whose head barely reached to the top of the counter. - The pretty waiter girl's cheeks turned the colour of a Jack rose, while Mars' pink glory was as nothing to the intensity of the light that danced in her eyes. She came very near planking right on top of the little messenger boy's head. ' Haven't you given me the wrong change?' inquired the customer, who had called for the huckleberry pie and cold coffee.

' No, I haven't,' she snapped out.

' Why, I gave you a one dollar bill, and yet you have given me change for a two dollar.'

The pretty waiter girl's voice was immediately pitched in a new key «is she thanked the man for the return of the extra change. Then she diopped a coffee cup that broke into small fragments, and which attracted the attention of the proprietor. The flash novel was instantly concealed, and finished when the pretty waiter girl reached her own home.