How Gold Mines are Promoted.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 859, 17 August 1888, Page 9

How Gold Mines are Promoted.

Referee. Act I.—Outside a Pawnbroker’s. (Captain Kydder and Adolphus Sneyde, Esq.) Kydder.—Hullo, Sneyde, old man, where are you going ?

Sneyde.—lnside,,to see our uncle, and ge a bob on this. (Shows a wnhdeoat done up in a newspaper.) Kydder.— We’re both down ou our luck again, then. I’ve juat taken in (looks round) —ahem ! —the blankets frum my lodgings. I’ll wait till you come out. (Waits till Sneyde comes out.) Sneyde.—He’s a hard nail, he is. I’ve only got ninepence out of him. Kydder. Well, lets go and have a drink. Things are awful bad with me, and I want to ooe if I can’t get up to something again. You’re a smart chap, Sneyde. Ain’t there anything as we oould do together ? What’s the heat game now ? Sneydo.—Well, company promoting seems •to be on the up line again. I saw Hash Jack and the Dandy rattling about in a hansom the other day with diamonds all over their shirt 3. They’ro in the gold mine business.

Kydder.—That’s what seems to go best now, a good gold mine. Couldn’t we work something of the sort ? Sneyde. —By Jove, that just reminds mo ! I met a fellow the other day, who’d got a bit of laud to soil iu tho Ojibbeway lhles, only wanted £SO tor it. How would the Ojibbeway Gold Mine sound ? Kydder. Very well, Dolf, old man ; lot’s do it. Take the juggins v. ifcli the land in Ojibbeway into the jub, and get a bit out o him for advertising, oh ? Sneyde.—l’ll go and see him to night old man. Have a trotter along with me? There’s au old chap round the corner who sells tho best trotters iu London. (Exeunt to dine on his trotters.)

Act ll. ; —The Offices of the Ojibbeway Gold Mine (Luxurious furniture. Kydder aud Snej'de, blazing with diamonds, discovered smoking half-crown cigars, and dnuking Perrier-Jouet, 1574). Sn6yde (to footman). Who did you say? Footman,—Mr Jones, the horse-dealer, sir. Sneydo.—o, .yes. Come in, Jones. Enter Jones. Jones.—Morning, gentlemen. ■ Sneyde.—l’ve been thinking, Jones, and I’ve decided to take the pair of bays at 500 guineas ; the chestnut cobs at 400 guineas ; and, I think, the four horses I looked out for my drag—l think yon said £IOOO, didn’t you?* Jones.—Yes, sir. Sneyde —And while you are about it, you may send me a couple of nice park ponies, and a nice park hack suitable for a lady. Jones.— Thauk yon, sir. Anything for you to-day, Captain Kydder. Kydder.—No, Jones, not to-day. I’ve got fourteen horses now, and my stables won’t hold any more, • ' Jones.—Thank you, gentlemen. Good morning. Kydder.—l say, Sneyde, old man, did you ever think the Ojibbeway would boom along like this? Good-heavens above ! it’s marvellous, Do you know that we've received £900,000 already in bard cash for shares in that bit of land that we were offered for £SO ? Sneyde,—Yes, dear boy, but there’s a gold mine on it now. Read our engineer s report; read our prospectus. Ah. ! Kydder, my boy, if you only bate your hook properly there's always big fish to be caught. And the shares are advancing every day ; that’s the beauty of it. They’ro at 10 premium this morning. Kydder.—Thank goodness, Ojibbeway s a long way off. I wonder what oar property really looks like. Sneyde.—Well, the chap who sold it told me there was oply a shed on it, and that it was about 100' miles from anywhere. But just let me finish writing out this engineer’s report from the mine. (Writes) ' Ojibbeway, April 1, 188—. This morning at 7.45 a new vein was struck. The yield of ore this year will be enormous,’&c., &c. Enter Footmen. FootmOn. —Gentlemen, lunch is spread in the banqueting ’all, and the Directors is arrove. The Markis and Lord Tom wants to know if they may bring a lady or two in to lunch afore the meeting. Sneyde.-Certainly. Kydder, if we can go on like this for another month, we shall have made enough to live abroad comfortably for tho rest of our lives. [Exeunt to lunch with the Board of Directors and some ladies of the chorus from a West-end Palace of Varieties.]

Act lll.—The Old Bailey. (The gentleman who sold the land in Ojibbeway in the dock.)

Counsel for the Prosecution.— This man, gentlemen of the jury, was in partnership with Kydder & Sneyde, the two men who have bolted with every farthing of th 6 shareholders’ money. He contributed the piece of worthless land in Ojibbeway to the scheme, and on that laud an imaginary gold mine was sunk, and capital to the amount of £900,000 was found by the British public to work that valuable property. (Laughter.) Yes, it is a laughing matter to an ordinary gentlemen, but it is no laughing matter to the men who have lost there all in this gigantic fraud ; it is no laughing matter to the old people who have poured the savings of a lifetime into the insatiable maw of the Ojibbeway Gold Mine. I wish Messrs Kydder & Sneyde were here, for they are the prime movers in this swindle ; but this maD was a party to it. He went into it with his eyes open, and be must answer for his share in it. (Concludes speech and calls witnesses.) Counsel for the Defence.—My Lord and Gentlemen of the Jury,—You have heard a good deal about my unfortunate client’s share in the Ojibbeway Gold Mine, but you haven’t yet heard the truth. The law of this land closes a prisoner's mouth, and we have sometimes to get at the truth in a very roundabout fashion. Gentlemen, I will call witnesses before you who will put a different complexion on the case. Detective Von Aron. Von Aron sworn. Counsel. Where did you arrest the prisoner ? I Von Aron.—ln Brisketl’s Buildings, Hoxton. Counsel.— ln a wretohed little room, I belie?e. Von Aron.— Yea; very wretched,

* ■ 1 * Counsel.—Any signs of luxury about? Von Aron.—None. Counsel.—What did you find on prisoner when you searched him ? Von Aron.—A half-penny, a pawn-ticket for a pair of boots, and a cough lozenge. Counsel.—Thank, you. Stand down. (Other witnesses called to prove that for months the man in the dock was half-starv-ing. Evidence elicited that he never received the £SO from Kydder & Sneyde, but was given a sovereign now and then to * keep his mouth shut.’ Verdict of acquittal, and piteous scene in dock. Vendor of tho great Ojibbeway Gold Mine, capital £900,000, begs to be found guilty, as in prison he will get something to eat, and out of it he will have to starve. Moral.—Look at your gold mine before you leap into it, and (Curtain).