Round the Corners.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 602, 18 August 1883, Page 13

Round the Corners.

So, my right honorable friend from Canterbury,—l term you right honorable in contradistinction to the honorables of the Chamber below—the Legislative Council is as purely a representative body as the House of Representatives itself ? Ha ! ha ! ha! really, I must laugh at such a Robinsoniac fallacy. Surely, the right hon. member must have gone to sleep, and dreamt it. A purely representative institution, eh ? ’Pon my word, sir, if it were, it shrikes me that yourself and a few others that might be mentioned would not be in a position to press with you feather weights those crimson velvet-covered cushions of the Chamber benches. You evidently mean to say that it ought to be a purely representative affair ; that you and the rest of ’em should go to the country as early as convenient, to test the esteem you are held in by your fellowmen. The nominative system of deportation to the Upper Chamber is worn out; is qfuite out of fashion ; won’t suit the age at all, and must give way. I will say this, and dispassionate critics must endorse it, that the Upper House of New Zealand has done less mischief to legislation than any other of its kind, perhaps, in the world; in fact, has played its part well. But when its members prate about being representatives of the people, is is time they should be taught to discriminate with greater nicety between right and wrong. Like the jackass in the lion’s hide, they may pass muster in representative appearance, but when they commence to assert themselves in the manner as thou dids’t, O man from the South, the bray is unmistakable, the—ah, well—delusion becomes too, too palpable.

Deceived by the lights, it is not unusual for drunken or semi-drunken men to blunder into newspaper offices of a night, in search of a nobbier, but I have lately heard for the first time of the case of an inebriate fooling into a police station in search of a pick-me-up. But so it happened the other morning. The man had been “on the tiles” all night, possibly, had had a snooze in one of the empty cases on the reclaimed land, and feeling the effects of depression, made for the first open door in sight. ’Twas that of the police station. “ Say boss,’' said the fellow to the constable on duty, “come along, now, and give us a nip, am bad, I can tell you. 3. Replied the constable, “just step in there —pointing to a room—and you’ll find the barman.” The man stepped, and next moment was confronting a sergeant. Said the sergeant : “ Say, my friend, if you don’t “ step,” I’ll put you where you will be found for certain when you’re wanted.” The man “ stepped it ” in a hurry..

Mr Pharazyn, of the Upper House, is prepared to do the “ happy despatch” business ; absolutely proposes to cut off his honorarium and displays virtuous indignation because his fellow councillors won’t agreejto dispense

with theirs. Perhaps they might be moved by the force of a high patriotic example. Let Mr Pharazyn formally abjure the filthy honorarium, and offer himself a living sacrifice upon the legislative altar of his country—a councillor without pay. Then, like the fox who had lost his tail, he might persuade with double zest, and, who knows, perhaps succeed in relieving the country of that dreadful Upper House honorarium drag upon it. Try it, Mr Pharazyn, try it, sir ; I’m open to lay long odds you aren’t game. But what is your little game, then. Is it possible, that, as you are leaving the world behind, with all the jolly lucre you have managed to scrape together, that you are striving to raise a little capital of another kind to start business with “ t’other side Jordan.” But you are on the wrong track ; even supposing you could induce your fellow councillors to give up their fees ; that, old man, would not be a virtuous action. It would simply be doing good by proxy—taking out of other people’s pockets instead of your own. ’Tis hard, eh ! to break oneself of old habits ? No, no, man ; you must begin at home if you are to really get a good start of my respected chum, auld Clootie. My certie, man, but he’s long legs and long claws. No, no ; you’ll have to disgorge now, and let other people alone, make handsome bequests to deserving institutions, give to the poor, and then we’ll all come and drop a tear upon the grave of a public benefactor, whilst you will be safe and snug at anchor under the lee of St. Peter.

But that there is nothing half as bad amongst the native Maoris of the colony as those hideous Irish informers, we mightthink about returning the compliment by sending the more troublesome of our Maori “ brudders ” to the old country, out of the way. Any of ’em, however, even Te Kosti himself, would appear as angels of light alongside those horrid evolutions of the Irish trouble ; indeed, it would be hard to match the latter outside the United States, even if the wide world were searched through. They '

are the products of a high modern civilization that professes to look upon savagedom with pity and contempt. It may, however, blush for its own monstrosities, and remember how in its very own bosom are nourished retiles to be more dreaded than any specimen of the crotalidce or cobra ; pitiless and crue as the tiger; blood-thirsty as the wolf; malignant as the gorilla. It was certainly kind of the mother country to wish to share with her children abroad such favors aa these, especially as she could not have hoped even for recompense. They, the children, had nothing bad enough to offer in return. They might, however, have promised to pay some day, when, in the course of moral degradation, they had manufactured something in the same line. It will, however, take a long time to do that, I fancy ; in fact, it is extremely probable that tho breed of such vermin will become extinct, even as it is now peculiar to one spot on earth—a spot that has given to the States United what there is there of it. That, as free agents, and capable of discriminating betwixt good and bad, the colonies have declined the secret benevolence of the old country is not to be wondered at. They would have been worse than insane, if they had permitted the deportation of the night soil of Great Britain in such formupon their shores. The excuse of expediency is not to be admitted. It would be too high a price to pay for “information.” That “information ’’ was of special benefit to Great Britain only, and the cost of it must be borne entirely by her. There are plenty of places in the word where she might send her darlings, without troubling the colonies with them. Considering that Great Britain is steeped to her very lips in crimes of the deepest die, that out of her womb proceed forms the most hideous, her saints had better pause in their vilification of their brethren over the sea, who, in their dealings with the aborigines of the lands it was their mission to occupy, have, compared with the doings of their relatives at the homestead, behaved qs demi-gods in justice and mercy. Hyperion to a Satyr is nothing to it; but, there, Dargaville said that the other night, and I don’t want to drag him in, as he wouldn’t show to advantage.

I said something the other day about “ new men,” praised ’em up a bit, and so on. Of course, there are good, and bad of all kinds of people and things, and amongst the new men are enough and to spare to freely illustrate the old proverb, that it takes three generations to develope a gentleman. This has been very forcibly brought home to us during the present session of Parliament.

Really the vagaries of legislators are laughable, when they are not humiliating. One hon. member gets up, and calls another hon. member his dear friend ; embraces him metaphorically ; the other responds from his lofty height by indirectly calling the first a d d rascal ; whereupon the latter, like another Miss Squeers, casts from him for ever the base, deceitful “tikaman.” Arid so legislation proceeds.

What, O Grey, is there really nothing but corruption outside thine own charmed circle ; are we really steeped to the very lips in double-dyed rascalities ; then, alas for the colony ; perdition gapes for it; and I don’t see how even Kawakawa is to escape. Thou art in the vortex, man, if thou dids’t but know it; and are joining lustily in the refrain slightly paraphrased

We’ll all got hung together. As well for a sheep as a lamh. Let's pitch obligations to the devil And join in a general scram.

All! Tom, my boy, there’s method in thy madness ; those little birds and the donkey and the ex J.P., &c., &c., are but hops of thine elephantine fancy ; behind stands something not unlike a great big figure, holding a pair of evenly-balanced scales in its hand. And people do say there’s a lot of sense in thy renderings. But, ah ! Tom, thou hast no right to term the effusions of thy Asmodeus comical. He did not know he was funny ; thought he was serious ; but then, you see, we are all prone to shoot wide of the mark sometimes, and I do think thou art wide this time, Tom. He hopes, however, you won’t shut up yet awhile, but ke6p thy exhibition of Maori curiosities open for a year and a day longer. Asmodeus,