Ladies' Column.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 209, 11 September 1875, Page 3

Ladies' Column.

PC)LITE KUFFIANI.su,

Perhaps the most astonishing infractions of the thing known as good manners—infractions amounting to polite ruffianism —take place in a person's own house. Time was when hospitality had a meaning—when to cat of a man’s salt, or to give of your bread to he broken, was to bind both giver and receiver in mutual ties strong and sacred. Now, the dinner that is given to the people who in their turn give dinners, is nothing but a display of pride on the one side or the payment of a debt on the other. The real comfort and enjoyment of the guests count for little. Inharmonious elements are bracketed together, which carry their own f/duo* with them. An elderly woman and a smart young fellow just appointed to his cadetship : a brilliant conversationalist and a companion whose head is stuffed with wool; a scientist and a thick-witted hen-wife, whose brain cannot rise above the contemplation of the butcher's book ; a learned professor, grave and solemn, and a butterfly whose whole idea of life is fun and frolic : a pretty girl and a heavy father : these discordant couples are sent down in their temporary chain-gangs to make the best they can of the task before them : but the host and hostess, who know perfectlv well the idiosvncracies of each, care nothing for the discomfort to which thev have doomed both. Indeed, if they have a dislike to anyone they have invited—which seeming anomaly is by no means rare -they take extra care to give him oilier as a companion to the one who will be the most uncongenial of the assembly. I t is surprising to note the number of social, subtle, but none the "less ruffianly affronts that well-bred people permit themselves to offer to others. Are you talking happilv? Your hostess _ swoops down on you and takes away your companion as a prize too precious for you to retain. 1 his is an affront common from women to women, especially where the one who is to lie annoved is of the kind with whom gentlemen like to talk. File is to lie taught that site must not expect to monopolise the gentlemen. With that wonderful naircte of vulgarity not uncommon among Fnglish ladies, gentlemen are the confessed honm:.i himrhi'a of a room’ and to be allowed only to the favorites of the hostess! I hose whom it is desired to snub are interrupted in their conversation, and made to feel that they have not been asked to amuse themselves, but because of social necessities with which personality lias no concern. If this happens, as it most likely may, to a woman of middle age or to one of mediocre means, it naturally causes a great deal of indignation and heartburning ; which is exactly what the'lady offending desires. It is meant to humiliate, and it carries out its intention. We once knew a lady who was obliged for self-respect to give up going to a certain house because of this. Tlie hostess had the craze of not allowing any pleasant person to converse with her. So soon as she •saw her talking to a man or woman with brains siie swooped down and divided tlie pair, giving as a substitute the most unformed hoy or girl in the room. Yet the guest was a woman who, for reasons, had the right to expect good companionship, and the hostess was, by position and education, a iadv. For ail that she was transgressing tlie liberty allowed her if she accepted tlie attentions of pleasant people—of a woman of mark or a man of distinction ; either of whom "•onld be haled off to someone else thought more worthy of tlie honor, while she was turned" down to her lower place. Another form of making you uncomfortable is by outrageous praise. You are flattered till you feel your gorge rise at the insolent contempt that'is involved. You knmv that not one hundredth part is truly your deserving, and you know too that what you do deserve you do not receive : but to abasli and irritate you by over-praisc on points unmerited is as good a way of annoying you as any other, and one that cannot be resented like flat contradiction sav, or sarcastic ridicule like depreciation, contempt, or—a favorite method—telling you what lias been said against you. This is a delightful May for the polite ruffian to air his spite and disfavor. To repeat all sorts of disparaging remaiks, with the invariable rider that lie, your informant, does not believe a word of what he tells you, '.'■lid that lie upheld you manfully when you were being traduced, does two tilings at once—makes you understand that you are rated, as you deserve very meanly, but that your informant was devoted, unseliish, faithful, and threw in his lot with you to his own manifest disadvantage, lor this is the meaning of those blatant boastings wherein the man who tells you to your face what lias been said behind your back, takes credit to himself for the way in which lie defended you. lie threw to the winds the dishonor more or less intense, which rested on him by reason of his advocacy. All for friendship and tlie world well lost according to him ; and whether you wince at the idea of a man incurring obloquy to share in your disfavor at all, so little suspected, has not a feather's weight of importance with him. His aim was selfglorification ; and if you are hurt, insulted, wounded by the way, it matters nothing to the polite ruffian who wounds you while lie glorifies himself. Again, a method of annoyance well known to polite i uilianisin is that covert kind of attack on your friends, which leaves no door open for defence, yet lias all the evil effects of assault. Kvery characteristic belonging to them is mentioned, perhaps compassionately—your polite ruffians often aft'ect compassion in their speech —<is if it was a voluntary evil which a little moral force and high-mindcrl perception would have cured. I bus constitutional delicacy is spoken of with a kind of shuddering blame, as you would speak of jcriminal mania, or crime without tlie mania. Personal misfortunes arc set down as faults of management, of temper,

of principle, which it is such a pity, you know, thev have evidenced—but what can you say? There the fact is, and no one can change it! Their wealth is marvelled at as extraordinary—the marvel meaning, “ Was it come by honestly?" and their mode of expenditure is sneered at as vulgar if their appointments are costly and their entertainments magnificent—as mean, if they are simple. Are they poor ? then their poverty is the traditional crime ; and it might be thought that a man’s merits had no other scale of measurement than his means, to hear these polite ruffians talk of those friends of yours who are known to be in bad circumstances, and who ought, they say with emphasis, to have done so much better. You defend your absent friends ; you assert their good management but their bad fortune ; the polite ruffian looks incredulous : “ Conduct is fate,” lie says, with that damaging force of only half a truth ; “and had your friend been wise”—he puts it mildly you see, lie will not say correct, honest, or anythingel.se involving the moral blame he feels -“these misfortunes would not have happened, and all would have gone well.” Here again what can you say? A man has tlie right to his opinion ; and if that opinion happens to be adverse to folks of your acquaintance, lie lias the right still.

t Artists are subject to a special form of ruffianism. Under cover of discussing your work with you, these smiling, polite assassins who go about tlie world like moral .Mohawks, social garotters disguised as refined and civilised persons, open their lire on you with effect. They begin by professing their admiration, they end by not leaving you one shred of merit. Your picture,'Which was introduced as full of “charming harmonies” and “sweet suggestiveness,” leaves their hands reduced to a sickly daub wherein neither tone nor treatment, subject nor art, was true. RECIPES. row'ELs for Dr vino the Skin.— Tlie roughness of a towel must be proportioned to tlie sensitiveness of the skin. Some will bear a coarser cloth than others, two towels should be used, tlie first of sufficient roughness to produce and agreeable glow after the necessary friction ; next, a coarse towel, but of loose texture, and highly absorbing quality, should he passed more gently and slowly over tlie skin until perfect dryness is produced. To Measure the Breadth of an Oiwect.— When the distance of the base is found, this operation is most simple. Take the apparent angle formed by a pair of compasses directed to tlie object, which lay down upon paper, and produce tlie sides till the base is reached, "’lien the width will be that of the object upon the scale by which the distance lias been found. Thus only one position is required.— Mechanics’ Mar/azine. Cold Weather.— Keep away from the tire as much as possible. Those who generally occupy warm apartments, cannot well imagine how'much more brisk and happy the feelings are, and how far more clear and i igorous is the intellect, while one is kept warm bv exercise on a cold day, than by sitting in a hot room': nor how lax and listless, in comparison, arc we rendered by artificial heat. Abundance of exercise, respiration, and good food, is the great recipe for keeping comfortable in cold weather.

How to Broil. —Manykinds of fish, steaks, chops, and cutlets are far better broiled than fried ; but much care, niceness, and skill are required to broil properly, lirst, tlie fire should lie perfectly free from smoke, though brisk, and giving out a good heat; secondly, tlie gridiron should be scrupulously clean, 'vdl heated, and rubbed over with mutton suet before the meat is put on it. If the fire be too fierce, tlie meat will be hardened and scorched ; if it lie too dead, tlie gravy will escape, and tlie meat will be flabby. The gridiron should lie held slopingly over the fire in order that the fat may run off to the back of the grate, for if it is dropped on tlie coals it would create a blaze, and blacken and smoke the meat. If by chance a blaze should spring up during tlie time tlie steak, &c.. is broiling, the gridiron must he caught off the fire, anil held on one side till tlie blaze is gone; a .little salt thrown on the fire will make it clear again! Fish should lie wrapped in a piece of well-buttered letter-paper before they are placed on the gridiron, to preserve them from smoke, and prevent their becoming too dry : the gridiron maybe rubbed with a little chalk first. Cutlets which are covered with egg and bread crumbs must lie dipped in a little clarified butter before they are put on tlie gridiron. The best way, however, is to season tlie cutlet with popper and brush it over with a little butter before it is broiled. Steaks and chops should be turned often, in order that they may be done in every part, but the fork used for this purpose should never lie stuck into tlie lean of the steak, as it would let the gravy escape ; it must be put into the outer skin or fat. All kitchens ought to lie provided with steak-tongs for this purpose. Birds when cut asunder and broiled must be laid with the inside first to tlie fire. Most people prefer broiled mutton chops or beefsteaks rather lightly dressed, hut lamb and pork chops should be thoroughly cooked. Everything broiled should be served the moment it is done, very hot. The disli should lie kept ready to receive it in front of tlie tire. 'When fish arc broiled without paper, great care should be taken to have the gridiron very hot before they are put on it, and to rub the bars with butter. To preserve tlie skin of tlie fish entire when broiled, it should (after being washed and cleansed) lie rubbed well with vinegar, dried in a cloth, and floured. The flour will keep it from adliering to the bars. A cinder or charcoal fire is best for broiling fish. While you are broiling slices of cold meat, put into a hot dish a piece of butter the size of a walnut and a teaspoonful of ketchup—melt them together, and lay the meat from tlie gridiron on the gravy made by these ingredients as soon as it is done.