BOARDING-SCHOOL LIFE.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXV, Issue 19947, 16 May 1928, Page 8

BOARDING-SCHOOL LIFE.

PRESENT-DAY CONDITIONS. HARMLESS ESCAPADES. MANY BATTLES OF WITS. CIRCUMVENTING AUTHORITY. BY A SECONDARY SCHOOL MASTER.

There are very few indeed for whon the term " boarding school " does not im mediately conjure up a picture of pillowfights, midnight orgies in the dormitories, and stealthy exits by way of the downpipe after the housemaster has retired to bed. The devouring of " Eric, or Little by Little " and " The Fifth Form at St. Dominies" in our youthful days stands us in good stead, and we can picture with photographical detail the hero of the form who soundly thrashes the bully master, the sixth form renegade who initiates young Tomkins minor into the mysteries of the village tJe-house, and the escape of the iSeet-footed Smith Tertius from fat and rotund Muggins, keeper of the squire's pheasants. We all know the boy who, when defeat is imminent, is put on to bowl as a last resource, and who captures the remaining four wicketit with four successive balls. Nor are we totally strange to the emergency who, chaffing and fretting on the side-line, with four minutes to go, gets his chance, scores the winning try, and is chaired from the field by a wildly-cheering mass of admirers.

Either times have changed, or else the schoolboy novel i 3 the offspring of the author's wildest flights of imagination. It is certain that school life of to-day does not produce any such prodigies, either hero or villain. There may be those of us who can remember hurling an ink-pot at a master, or even winning an eleventhhour victory for the side; but that adventurous incident should follow adventurous incident, term after term, and all crammed into the life of one particular boy, the hero, is taxing our credulity past straining point. - Dr. Arlington's Views. Dr. Arlington, the headmaster of Etou, recently expressed his opinion on the sub ject to the members of the London Authors' Club. He avowed that a schoolboy novel, true to life, was an impossibility. At school, the same thing was said, day in and day out, so that there was a background of uniformity, of which it was hardly possible to exaggerate the dullness after all the possible episodes and changes had been rang. A novel must deal with clear types, and the schools of to-day turned out the average type, and the "average" boy was the last person one wanted to write a novel about.

In spite of the fact that one feels some deference for the expressed opinion of the headmaster of so old-established a school as Eton, one feels that his view of the modern boy is as equally false and fantastical as the exuberant authors with their boy heroes and villains. So long as the schoolboy continues to pit his wits against the wits of those in authority, there can never be that drabness and dull uniformity that Dr. Arlington speaks of, and as long as there is a battle of wits and contention of wills, so long is there latent material for fhr school novel, true to life. Some Youthful Ambitions.

No school yarn is complete without at least three or four dormitory "spreads'" or "feeds" scattered throughout its pages And herein the author of the school novel does not exaggerate. If there is one thing more dear to tbe boy's heart than another, it is the sut-reptitious feed in the dormitory after "lights out." A visit to the "tuck-shop" is a sheer delight. Sweeter still is a visit to the "tuck-shop" at a time when that most necessary in stitution is out of bounds. But if the ginger pop and doughnuts can be smuggled into the dormitory and com sumed with a bold disregard for authority, then the small boy has attained his seventh heaven of delight. Stolen sweets are always the sweetest. Should authority in the form of the house-master make itself too evident, then other ways and means must be found of carrying on the time-honoured banquet. The obvious solution of the difficulty is, go where the house-master goes not. Here v are two recent incidents which hardly bear out the "dull uniformity" theory. Before turning in at about midnight, a master of a certain house decided to make a tour of bis dormitories. Every occupant of a bad slept soundly but five beds proved to have no occupants. As it was nearly end of term, it did sot take a Sherlock Holmes to realise that a party of five were at that moment enjoying their "spread" somewhere in the school buildings. The question was, where ? Half an hour's search failed to reveal tho midnight revellers. Finally, by a process of elimination there remained only the tooished to be searched, and there, 'midnt wheelbarrows, spades arid grubbers; sat the pvjama-clad five. The cakes and fizz had disappeared, and the piece de resistance, tinned tomato soup, heated on a convenient gas ring, was just being served. The appearance of the house-master was not popular. It was a very sleepy crew that answered the call to "" turn out " at midnight on the following night, and turned reluctant steps once more in the direction of the tooished; nor is a hurricane lamp the best illuminant for half an hour's digging. The master was a believer in "let the punishment fit the crime!" The Downfall of Smitbson. Incident two is also connected with the boy's love for the midnight banquet. Exit from the dormitories was made by way of a staircase, at the foot of which was the house master's bedroom —a most inconvenient arrangement. It took not a little practice to negotiate those stairs and dodge the half-dozen steps that emitted a nerve racking creak and issued a warning to authority sleeping below. The fact that the bathroom was also on the bottom floor had possibilities, however, and an invitation to such a lordly function as a prefects' "spread" was guaranteed to sharpen the wits of any boy. Smithson solved the problem A promise of some of the spoils enlisted young Perkins as an ally and. carrying this midget on his SmithsoD marched boldly downstairs to the bathroom. The running of a tap in the bathroom, and their ally Perkins stumped back again, leaving Smithson to make good his exit.

Authority stirred in his slumbers,- listened and wondered. The sound of th» descending footsteps had differed ever f* slightly from that of the ascending one;?. Probably only his imagination, bti» Authority rose, laid his ambush, and returned to slumber. Smithson returned an hour later in thai blissful state of mind that accompanies repletion. Now for (.hose' creaky steps. Halfway up and all was well; only two more creaky boards, and then. Horrors! Crash, bang, tumble; bottles banged and bumped, step by step, to the bottom. Authority's ambush had been successful. And these are but two incidents in the daily routine. There is no "dull uniformity" about school life. Indeed, it will be a sorry day for this or any other country if she breeds sons too "milk-and-watery" to pit their wits against those in authority, in an effort to bring their harmless escapades to a successful fruition.