SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LX, Issue 18553, 10 November 1923, Page 3 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

PUZZLING. Mother was eut and Sister 8a» W» dressing, so BX-Jt*£+iA Bobby had. to entertain Sue's young ia*a. 2: %9g*« to ply the unfortunate caller with questions. "Mr. Knott," he began, "what is a popinjay?" ... "Why— popinjay is a—vain bird." « "Are you a bird, Mr. Knott? " No, of course not." Well, that's funny. Mother said you were a popinjay, and father said there was no doubt about your being a jay and Sue said there didn't seem to be much chance of your poppin', and now you say you aren't a bird at all." HE DID IT ONCE. A magazine published by a New York 'bus company offers a prize each month for the best story sent by an employee of the company on any topic pertaining to company affairs. Here is a recent winner: ■ , " One seat on the top and one inside," shouted a 'bus conductor at a stopping place. " Sure, now, and you wouldn't be after separatin' a- daughter from her mother," said the elder of the two women on the sidewalk. " Right ye are, I would not," said the conductor, starting the 'bvs. " I did that once and I've been regrettin' it ever since." NOT GUILTY. The magistrate looked sternly over the top of his gold-rimmed glasses and regarded the puny individual in the dock. " You are charged" he remarked, reading; the formal complaint, with having wilfully arid feloniously, and with malice aforethought, appropriated to your own use a certain article, to wit, a onewheeled ' vehicle, commonly called a wheelbarrow, the said vehicle having been wrongfully and feloniously abstracted by you from the premises of one W. Bones, butcher, on June the eighteenth in the year of our Lord one thousand nine hundred and twenty-three, contrary to the Statute in such cases Made and provided, and against the peace and dignity of this great Realm. What have you to say ? Are you guilty or not guilty ?" The prisoner's face went quite yellow, and his knees almost gave way beneath him as he murmured— Not guilty, guv'nor; all I did was to take a barrow." " MUM'S THE WORD! " The village minister was motoring home one day after he had completed a long round of visits, when he overtook a girl plodding along the rough country road, carrying a huge basket. He recognised her as a servant who was employed by a farmer, an influential member of his flock. As he drew level with her he stopped the car, and, jumping out. he asked her if he could give her a, lift, as he was going past the farm for which she was bound. '"' -■ " Oh, thank you, sir!" she replied; and i soon they had reached the farm gates. " Thank you very much! " said the girl again, as the minister handed out her basket. "Don't mention it " returned the clerical gentleman politely. The girl blushed prettily, and hung her head; then she looked up archly. " All right," she said, " mum's the THE ETERNAL QUESTION. Son : What is a roost, father? " , Father: "A -aost is a pole on which chickens roost at night." ."And what is a perch, papa? " "A perch is what chickens perch on at night.' m }'.' Well, papa, couldn't chickens roost on a perch? " "Whr, of course." ■ And couldn't they perch on a roost? '/"Certainly." " But if " the chickens perched on a roost, that would make the roost a perch, wouldn't it? " Oh, heavens! Yes, I suppose so. " But if after, some chickens had perched on a roosft and made it a perch, some chickens came along and roosted on the perch and made it a roost, then the roost would be a perch and the perch would be a roost, and some of the chickens would be roosters and the others would be perchers, and — "Oh, Susan— take this child to bed at once! "