LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIII, Issue 13146, 7 April 1906, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

'Let 'me have audience for u word or. two." ■■•'■■'■ —Bliakespere I ski: that Lord Plunket has bad something to say about the so-called roads of the North. In "a letter in the Motor News lie describes his experience of motoring from Napier to Botoiua. Here are a few extracts from his epistle : —"I drove . . over some of the most difficult roads in I the colony:" "'we missed the ; road' (more j like a .'seldom track};" "save one j puncture . . '. the car gave no trouble. j This was wonderful, considering the awful j roads;'" "how it stood some .of the strains and blimps I don't know:' "the. 10-h.p., however, is not powerful enough for these roads, though dues well in the South Island, where tin main toads are excellent and well metalled." Excellent and well metalled! Just so. 'the South is the Government's ewe lamb.' i [tope, however,that now we of the North have got His Excellency a* an ally we may look tor some improvement. It is utter foolishness for Mr. Seddon to expand- bis noble chest and talk loudly of drawing closer the. bonds of union between the colony and the Mother Country while lie. allows King Edward's representative to get stuck in the mud on the awful roads of the North. And talking' of roads, a tourist who is given to cycling and. a few other things came in to see me the other day. He was boiling with indignation and didn't seem to bear me when 1 suggested that the weather was a trifle cold. Then I asked him soothingly if die suffered from ptomaine poisoning, but he banged into a chair, glared at me, juwi ejaculated: L V" Roads-— l, ea:S tly—local bodies should be sent to bard labour for life." I passed him my pouch of the choicest'weed; at 6d an ounce, and lit- calmed down'sufficiently to say that he had gone out for'a bicycle ride to the Nihotupu range,-via Waikuraete; that he bad seen worse toads, but not much, and they were in China : ttmt between the top of Symonds-slreet and' Mount Albert the road was one succession of man-traps: that between the other side of Mount Albert and the Brooklyn road the alleged highway was t cobble-stoned, un-Christian, nerve-jarring, tbsolutely neglected, heathen road of penitence, and that he had ruined a £30.machine over it. Henceforth, he said, he would advise tourists 'who desired to proceed to Wnikumete by road to take a bullock dray and learn to'say things in seven different languages all at "once. "A Small Shopkeeper" writes me pathetically intent the threatened extinction of his class by the big shopkeeper, who is rapidly becoming a universal provider. I am afraid I have no Balm of Gilead wherewith to soothe his troubled soul. 1 can onlv refer him.to the Right Hon. R. J. S., or advise him as a last resort to : seek a billet in one of the great emporiums: that arc casting their, shadows over his humble sphere 61" usefulness. It. may tie asked.. how can R.J.S. help him? The answer is quite simple; by making a man ..stick to his last. If the small shopkeepers were only a political power in the land an Act would be passed to-morrow prohibiting a *ian from being two things at the same timethat is to say a greengrocer and a tobacconist, or a draper and an ironmonger. " I am not so sure that something of the kind will not yet happen. In. this small but glorious country you can never tell what restrictions are going to be put upon you. " You go to bed at night a sue-' cessful, energetic, and., enterprising « man of business, and you -get. up in the morning to find that' by some statute passed at two a.m. -you are .an evil to the community, a danger to the Commonwealth, an abhorred and accursed "thing (or. words to that effect) and that Hie . edifice you have built up alter years of toil and trouble is. metaphorically speaking, an ' indistinguishable heap of ruins. And all this •is called social progress.

A bland Celestial with a pigtail that was long enough to hang'him. stopped his vege"table; cart 3 at it suburban * residence the other day and prepared to inquire if that household required > any " callots or cabbagee," but he got no further than the gate, for a' white bull-dog, as big as a retriever, and as ugly as' ? the ugliest of Chinese dragons, stalked up to the other 'side of the bars and regarded the purveyor of "gleen glocely" with a forbidding " Death-to-the-Yfliow-Agony " ' expression on the furrowed and scarred monstrosity that did duty for a face. .The Celestial essayed to push the gate open a little. There was a growl from the four-legged defender of British rights, and the gate closed suddenly. Then the Chinaman lost his Celestial temper and addressed the dog thus: "Whnft'or," you unclistian - blute, you wantec stop .nice, quiet Chinaman; me ' smashee you,' and lie procured a stone from the roadway. The dog's hair bristled .and lie' growled more loudly, * whereupon the Chinaman became conciliatory," and said, "Xicee dogee, good dogee, plitty dogee; .me Hkec you alle'e same China dog." but bully was not to be flattered and. made a spring for the top bar of the '/ate. This Was too - much for the Celestial's nerves, and'he was on bis cart in two jumps, with lie' parting insult. "Foleign aevil; you wantee shootee, me not comee see you .any', mob, wiiaffor!" and then the caravan sailed down the road as fast as die antiquated quadruped that looked Wore like a piece of four by two framework painted brown than a horse eofJ.d trot, and echoes of Chinese Billingsgate wafted down that street for-hours afterwards. .

At a first glance there doesn't seem to be a, very close connection ween the duly'(.i) imported machinery and the birthrate, .but'-there is for all that, according to a witness who was examined before the Tariff Commission in Sydney the "other day. An increased duty, he said, would be the means of increasing the., birth-rate because a large number of workmen were only.;, waiting for it to be put on, "to -as-, sume the. responsibilities of keeping a wife and family.'' As we are. going to revise our own tariff'- this year it. might be as well ,to cause inquiries to. be. made among the noble army ol bachelors, in ;ordci to ascertain what, duties they would like increased so as to induce them to keep a wife II the' tariff is keeping men from marrying, and babies from multiplying, if behoves Mr. Sheldon and Mr. Massev to see to it. . We can't allow wives and children to go out of fashion because the Customs duties are too low. Pile on the ad valorem, open State butchers' shops, lolly shops, and bakers' shops, burst up everything, but don't let any chap or chappie have an excuse for not "assuming the responsibilities of keeping a wife and family." I'be pre-eminence of the colonial in the art of ; swearing has been for a; long time an acknowledged fact. His 'prononess to -profanity of speech lias passed into the currency of the language, for "to swear like a'colonial" is counted a -distinction among those who have cultivated the habitof interlarding their conversation with meaningless oaths. But J was not aware until the other day that as a liar he exrelied .-all other nam whom the good King David, once upon a, time, in his' haste de- [; scribed as being . without exception o'iven to mendacity. A witness in the Police Court characterised her son-in-law as " a- colonial liar." under the belief; apparently,, that A all liars the colonial is tthe greatest. 1 am not aware whether the worthy dame is entitled to be regarded as 1. competent authority on a, matter of Ibis /"id. hut- as ii cosmopolitan observer of nen and- manners I take leave to doubt ,' the colonial '-can he "charged with greater ,miruthfuiness than" the average English- - man, Probably behind 1. counter or. at a '■-'-"it sale. Ik: can give his British brother i§s4- : :\ : ' ■':/■■■ .:■'■ ■ : ': ; ''■■-■/- .■'■/■ '- ;: ';';■-.■ : '■■::"■/■;'■■■

a , point or^ two, -.but taking him in the mass, I don't think Ins respect for voracity is inferior ■to oilier peoples. The ' colonial is guilty of many sins, bill' on the whole lie is as truthful as Ik* is sober. . •

The .squabble over the Queen-street Wharf has been happily settled, largely because Ave Aucklanders are getting civilised enough to understand: that an: engineer knows a thing or two which is worth money to those who don't. This knowledge and the application thereof is what engineers are paid for. As an instance of its Worth, take the work at the Mechanics' -'Hay. intake. Before .the suctiondredge was used the cost of shifting a cubic yard was eighteenpenec. With the suction-dredge it costs twopence per cubic yard. '-And the use'of the suction-dredge is one of the methods of modern engineer-, ing. . -: ' -'. * '.;' Talking of the harbour works, I wonder if the public generally is aware 'of the enormous expenditures going on, enormous, :that is. for Auckland. Counting the barbopr works in hand, and the Admiralty work at the Calliope Dock, not less than £250,000 will be in process of laying-out. within the next few months. The use for an expert engineer in the superintendence oft his immense work is clear. Yet it seems but yesterday that we sent a carpenter with a piece of siring and a. bit of lead to make up an estimate for a sheerlegs site at the Calliope Dock. lie was a good many thousand pounds out in bis estimate, of course. We are growing quite a- big port very fast, and shall have a good few stories to tell to wondering audiences of what happened in the good old times. The Police Court will be an exceedingly interesting place. on Wednesday next, when the batch of parents charged with not having had their children vaccinated will be present with the babies- in arms*. There are 18 parents to be . dealt with, and 18 babies all in a Police Court together ought to be as good tTs a. circus. 1 have' been asked what would happen if a parent presented a certificate signed by a- eletgyman certifying that the spiritual health of the child was not sufficiently vigorous to allow its attendance in a Police Court without prospect of injury. '.that, 1 understand, is the idea of the "Children's Courts"'champions, and when these Courts are established it would be a very interesting question whether an im vaccinated baby should be presented to the magistrate there or with adult offenders in the public room. • I suppose the vaccination prosecutions are only sample ones, to enocuragc the others. It will be rather interesting to tee whet will happen if the Health Department has the pluck to make a clean sweep, and to prosecute every recalcitrant parent. As the recalcitrants for some years have never been less than three out of four parents, and have sometimes been as many as nine out of 10 parents (this in 1901). itwould make the Police Court very lively if they were all to be prosecuted. The difficulty about it is that nobody seems to imagine that prosecutions are going to convince them of the error of their ways. ■

'the Government finds a vast amount of difficulty in dealing with the Native Land quest-ionwhen it isn't eager t > take action. But, it seems to be finding no difficulty in acquiring the land through which the; Main Trunk will run. At least, if is taking-de-cisive steps in the matter, and 1 am sine will '"find a war. It would, I suppose, be altogether too'flagrant for the WellingtonAuckland line to carry travellers, colonial and otherwise, through a tract of unsettled country that had been locked .up by legislative action. But I really-don't see why it shouldn't- Ik- as easy to acquire land away from the line as land on it. It all depends, I think, upon the eagerness. of Mr. Reddon. - And I don't think the Premier is over-eager to open,up the. North Island.

The School "Book Question is worrying the Education Beard again. It is a much •greater worry to parents, who have to put up with a gross injustice, such an injustice- that I wonder how they-* manage to endure it. .School books are exiortionatoly dear, in the first place. When one sees the cheap popular books issued by the popular publishing firms one is tempted to wonder how, school-book prices are kept up— and :' why? And, in .the* second place, changes are made with inexcusable 'carelessness.' Mr. Petric- tells- the Board that readers must be changed; because they get stale if they are not. Stale to who? <If children move from standard to- standard they usually leave their readers behind them, and ought to be able to leave them to those who' take their; places. If the teachers, get tired of the books, we might try getting new teachers until the old ones have'bald a vest. In any ease, it is monstrous that the book question should be left in its present state. . .

About, " readers," there seems to me a lot of mystery. Without being accused of pride, I* think I may claim to read fairly well, and I am no better raider than the average man I meet. Yet we didn't have any fuss made about "' readers" in our < youth, In fact, teachers in those days- didn't seem to think '■readers"' were very important things, and they never dreamed of changing than. Why, then, the modern eagerness? As nobody can be making any money out of it, it is a.' complete mystery to me. MimceTto.