LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 12070, 13 September 1902, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

"Lai me have audience for a word or two." ShaUesDeie.' : Though Mr. Se<nion is generally regarded as the leader of colonial democracy the British democracy can find no terms stronenough or contemptuous enough to hurl at him and the colony he represent?. Here are a few choice flowers of speech culled from that immaculate organ, Reynolds' News* .paper : " Bankrupt Nt iv Zealand ;" •'Windbag Seddon, whose free use of public money to despatch telegrams overseas about jiis own bunkum is a notorious scandal;" "Someone in authority has evidently muzzled the irrepressible Seddon;" "He. is not making half such an ass ot himself here as we were all prepared to expect, from his antics abroad;" " Seddon's New Zealand is the most antagonistic colony of all towards British commerce:" "With colossal impertinence the ex-publican Seddon prates about the open door;" "Such a man could on.lv be tolerated in a country absolutely ignorant, of its own affairs, and wholly given up to gambling, athletic contests, ami drinking in its leisure moments."

We are so accustomed to hearing the praises sung of Sir G. M. O'Rorke as Speaker of the House ot Representatives that we might well imagine that in the conduct of its business, in its methods and manners, our Parliament, or rather that part of it ever which Sir George presides, i-j an example to the legislative assemblies of the van id. But as a matter of fact it is nothing of the sort. It is no better—indeed, I doubt if it be as good—than other colonial chambers. Its manners are boorish and its language is not unfrequently coarse and vulvar. It used to bo said, and 1 daresay the remark Mill holds good that the House 01 Commons set the standard pronunciation of the English language, and that you heard our common tongue spoken there with the greatest choiceiiess and purity. But what can we say of our New Zealand House of Commons'.' Does it set any standard of any kind'.' is not its language c nauseating hotch-potch of bad grammar, oaths, and slang? And what is perhaps the worst of all is that Ministers are among the greatest offenders. "lis true, 'tis pity, and pity 'tis 'tis true. Yet the Speaker says nothing: perhaps like the illustrious Greek of old his ears are stuffed and he hears not. And so the decadence of Parliamentary language goes on, until we are rapidly approaching the roseate colloquialism of the taproom or the cabmen's stand.

'throw physic to the. dogs may or may Siot be a wise exhortation, but- it is a- prudent precaution to take your physic warily and suspiciously. And thereby hangs a tale. An Auckland doctor was told by one ot his patients that some medicine he lad ordered her made her sick. He could not understand this, and picking up the bottle he uncorked it, held it to his nose, sniffed professionally, and pouring out Borne of the stuff swallowed it with the air of a connoisseur tasting some rare vintage. There was. he assured his patient, nothing wrong with the medicine, aud he left shortly afterwards. In a little while he began to feel qualmish., and by-and-by was seized with convulsions. Recognising at once what was the matter he ordered his coachman to drive in haste to the nearest chemist's, where, fortunately, the remedies applied were successful. But it was almost touch and go. The doctor's patient was right. There was Something wrong with the medicine, due, I believe, to a- mistake made by the fchemist who prepared it.

The Aucklander is a long-suffering person, although inclined to grumble, anel is .-now enduring patiently all sorts of transit difficulties in hopes that the electric cars will some day make him happy. He does not expect tnat the 'bus services should be very energetically conducted while they are "threatened with such rivalry, and he does not care very much whether „he cabs stand in Queen-street or not. But it is getting a little too careless when the 'buses start five, ten, or even fifteen minutes before their tabled time. This cannot be any advantage to the proprietors, for it often causes the public to walk, and thus limits business. We have never quite got track into the old routine since Queen-street was reopened to traffic, but this is a little watter which could easily be rearranged, especially if the traffic inspector helped the bus firms in his usual gentle manner.

There has been an American " chiel" among us taking notes, and faith he's printed them. In a recent issue of the New York Herald there is a long article (adorned with a picture of Mr. Seddon), headed in big letters as follows: — NewZealand is a Pacific gland. Wonderful little land in the South Seas, the most progressive English colony. Years ahead of others. Her Governments directed by Premier Seddon. is in every sense one for the people." The article is written by an American, " who sees things with the eyes <>f an American," and who, it may be added, describes what he sees or think? he sees, Or would like to see, with a wealth of superlatives which is characteristic of American journalese. He starts by declaring that " no country in the world to-day is receiving to much of the attention of thinking men and women as New Zealand, a land peopled by a vigorous and progressive race of happy"people, who have reached to what raav'be fairly considered the most enlightened point in the history of government so far attained by man." This is tall talk, and should flatter our national vanity. But these glowing terms do not exhaust the vocabulary of praise of our American admirer, for "after declaring that "nowhere on earth has there beensuch a wonderful triumph of colonisation" as in this colony, he lets himself go, and boldly declares that " New Zealand is, of all the British colonies, the furthest advanced in every channel that makes tor human liberty and happiness."

The reason, of course, is that " the i-eal power of ruling'' does not lie in the King, but "ia the hands of the Honourable Richard John Seddou, the Premier." This Richai'd John Seddon fairly carries the 'American scribe off his feet. He is " able," "brainv," "a hard worker," "democratic in his habits." His "power of endurance and capacity for hard work are phenomenal." As a" proof of this we are told that he has i:ctuallv tired out, on some, occasions, "four of his chief secretaries," and we get the information that when travelling he tarries on his official work "in his private tar." *Not only did he organise and send to Smith Africa ten contingents, but "fifteen more contingents were in readiness to go at his cull when peace, was declared." 'Ihen we— rather the American people— are told that New Zealand " has many regulations in its 'Joveoiment affairs which take it vears ahead of other nations." For instance", if you want to get married, you have onlv to" walk to the nearest postmaster or postmistress, with yom intended, v sign vour names ir a book, and the thing is duue. Then in this most progressive tolonv on the earth, where civilised Government has attained a pitch never before cached in the history of man, " the street railways are owned aud operated by the municipalities, and the Government helps the poor tanner and the small shipper.'' The Government has "millions of acres of the richest laud under its ownership and control, and offers this for small sums as a means "of encouraging persons of limited means to take up farming." Then again, "no nation on earth has such help-the- % people laws as New Zealand." _ But I v have no space for further quotations from this wonderful production. Some time *go it was stated that the Government had watered into an arrangement with a travelling American to write up the colony in the American press. Can it be possible that ♦his is a sample of the stuff we are paying for? Mekcuxio,