DEMON POLITICS IN FRIENDLY FUN.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXII, Issue 9711, 5 January 1895, Page 1 (Supplement)

DEMON POLITICS IN FRIENDLY FUN.

[by AN ENFRANCHISED female.] There was a land, far across tho Southern main, where many modern theories it: legislation had come into x-ecent practice. Among these was a certain Undesirable Immigrants Exclusion Act. It had been introduced by the Minister of Industry and Wealth, carried with acclamation, and put into immediate execution. Its workings were, for a. time, satisfactory, and its originator was justly proud of the measure. Arrivals in the land sometimes objected vigorously bo its provision?, which were stringent, but, as the object of the measure was primarily to limit the number of arrivals and prevent an undue increase in the population, the more vigorous their objections, the more the Minister smiled. Ladies espacially disliked the proceedings to which immigrants were subject, and often endeavoured to escape, by assuming a disguise, the close enquiries into their age and sex which the principles of the Act demanded.

The immigration officer, however, was vested with the fullest powers, and was even able to appoint what special time and place seemed suitable to him for the prosecution of his enquiries. It had been found advisable to erect certain large sheds into which visitors to the country could be drafted, to await the convenience of the immigration officials. For some time all went well, and no special difficulties occurred. One day, however, certain visitors arrived whose demeanour completely puzzled the officials in charge. Look at the new arrivals as they might, they could form no conclusions from their general aspect, and as the visitors stubbornly refused definite information concerning themselves, they were escorted to the receiving sheds, and there left to await a convenient season for fuller inquiry. \Vhen the shades of night had fallen, the Chief inspector of the Immigration Department proceeded, provided with search lights, and accompanied by one or two myrmidons, to the quarters where the visitors were detained. Thsy were seated in a row, and as the lights momentarily flashed upon their countenances, each was seen to bear a peculiar and malignant aspect. The inspector was proceeding to prosecute his inquiries when a sudden violent kick from a foot of a peculiar goat-like and cloven structure, precipitated him to a considerable distance, the light in his hand at the same moment being violently extinguished. Furious, he picked himself up, relighted his lamp, and commenced investigations as before, choosing, however, a different subject. Exactly the same result followed. After repeating the experiment with no better success, and failing to extract any explanation from the extraordinary visitors, he left the shed with his myrmidons, and hastened to inform the Minister of the ill success of his endeavours, and the incomplete working of the Act. The Minister was justly indignant, and after severely reprimanding the Inspector for his folly, determined to proceed himself to the scene of action. Taking with him the strongest searchlights procurable, he opened the door of the main receiving shed, immediately becoming conscious of a peculiar sulphurous odour in the air, and an oppression in the atmosphere, unknown to him before. However, undismayed, he advanced, and after a few words of indignant admonition, would have commenced his enquiries. Hardly, however, had he laid his hand upon the nearest subject, when a kick, most violent he had ever received in his life, propelled him towards the door by which ho had entered. The light instantly expiring left him in total darkness, and ho was awaro of violent hands of a peculiar and uncanny structure being laid upon him. The door was for a moment opened, and he was violently ejected. Recovering himself, he battered at the door, but in vain. It appeared securely fastened, and upon reflection he deemed it better to abandon the effort for the present, and went home to meditate some alteration in the Act which might meet the case.

The next day, however, ib was found that the birds had flown. The sheds were vacant. Great was the dismay of the Ministry, but their attention was diverted by the news thab important visitors, for whose advent they were not wholly unprepared, were coming to their shores. The j visiters were coming from Von Demon's | Land, and were believed to be possessed of the very latest modern methods in legislation. The Ministry therefore felt that they should be received with due honour and respect. A large ship of peculiar unknown construction was even then sailing into the harbour of the capital city. It carried the expected guests. The Ministry prepared for the reception of the visitors with whom they were already partially acquainted, and whose views they believed to coincide with their own. They ! expected to receive valuable assistance and enlightenment in the administration of public affairs. The Minister of Finance pub his latest Bill under his arm, intending to expound its wonders. The Minister of Industry looked longingly upon a certain document, bub fearing it might have a personal application to the new arrivals determined to leave ib for a future occasion. The Premier prepared an elaborate account of the successes which had so far attended his career. Each armed himself with his latest invention, and when all was ready they set forth to tho reception at the principal city wharf. The Opposition watched the proceedings from afar, but took j

no part, The new arrivals were soon seen to be of unusual ftature, of • dark , and eccentric aspect. On the head each wore a small black cap of peculiar structure, which was not removed, even when the necessary introductions were made. A large cloak was thrown carelessly over the shoulders, reaching to the knee, and almost entirely concealing the person. Shoes of somewhat clumsy make appeared below loose and shapeless unmentionables. They were a. somewhat numerous throng, and were already in process of landing when the Ministerial party appeared. The Premier advanced to give them welcome. He who seemed their leader, and who excelled the rest in stature, came forward to meet the Premier, and extending a gloved hand, said, a sardonic smile momentarily lighting up his dark and gloomy countenance, "We have met before." ,

" Ah," said the Premier, warmly shaking the extended hand, "I was nob aware, but we are delighted to have the opportunity of greeting you and bidding you welcome. Your reputation baa preceded you. We shall take pleasure in showing you the very latest methods. Allow me—" and he proceeded to unfold his address. "We came," said the leader, " fearing your latest measure," and he fixed his dark eye full upon the Minister of Industry. "We feared your Immigrants Exclusion Bill might even now have prevented our landing* without being subjected to unpleasant proceedings, calculated to inflict personal indignity upon vis."

The Minister trembled, a cold shudder ! possessed him; never had he felt so quenched in the presence of mortal man before. "I beg your pardon," he gasped at | length. "lb was nob intended to apply to ! you. We understand thab you are capitalists." "And has not your legislation pretended to demand the total extinction of the capitalists," sternly demanded the stranger. " Certainly, certainly," hastily explained the Ministot*—(lie had almost said, " Your Honor"), " but circumstances alter cases." " The matter may pass for the present," said the stranger, then turning to the Premier, who was standing awaiting his pleasure, he coldly said, " Put up your address, Dick ; we know one another too well for humbug. Have you been keeping the pot I boiling ?" I "I have, your Excellency. Everything is favourable. We have the women on our Bide. We have the whole strength of the trades and labour unions. We have almost totally abolished religion. We regret that wo have been compelled to use temperance as a cloak. We have sapped the roots of property. Our Libel Limitation Bill promises to muzzle the press. We regret that you should object to our Immigrants Exclusion Bill; it merely aims at the exclusion of British subjects from a British colony ; we find the influence of Britain injurious to our interests." " But you do not move fast enough,"' said the stranger, gloomily. "We hare found it necessary to come ourselves to hurry you up. And wo do not like the encouragement offered to the moneyed classes by the clause of that man's Bill," and he pointed sternly to the Minister of Industry, "whieh provides that each immigrant must be possessed of £30 in cash and £10 for each child. You will attract a respectable class. He is not sincere." The Minister's knees knocked together. "I assure your Excellency," he began— bub the stranger turned from him with contempt); and turned to the Minister of Finance. "As for vou," he said, " your measures are paltry. _ If you want money, why not make it or take it. You have made your proposition so liberal that the people are benefitting by the Bill. You all make the land too merry. There has never been so merry a time. Your jokes are too mirth-provoking and are out of place. Think of the billots you propose to provide. Your immigration officers occupy a seventh heaven. It was time we came. But where are the friends who havo preceded us? We thought to find thorn here." " Your Excellency cannot mean," stammered the Premier. " You will learn our meanings ere long," said the stranger sternly, and signalling bo his band, they marched with solemnity up the street and disappeared from view, leaving the puzzled Ministry to regret that they had not applied the Act. On the following morning the proceedings of the House were about to commence when a disturbance took place at the principal entrance. Ib was caused by the sudden dispersion of the crowd, caused by the arrival of the stranger throng. Tho business of the country was momentarily suspended, as the legislators eagerly watched tho door. Although they had thought themselves familiar with the strangers, the appearance of these on this particular morning was calculate 1 to freeze the blood. They had ca*t away disguise, and appeared in fearful shapes. Their caps being removed it was seen that short horns decorated their brows ; cloven feet were plainly seen ; their fiery eves darted indignant flame ; having taken off their cloaks it was perceived thab their tails followed them as they majestically strode into the Council Chamber of the nation. They marched in procession through the hall, and did not halt until their leader stood before the table whereon reposed the rod of office. The Sergeant-at-Arms got under the table. The Speaker gazed upon that scene with horror. All his Irish wit and urbaue tact deserted him. Ha felt that ordinary rules did not apply. The Opposition, never of lato strong, simply melted out of sighb. The Premier endeavoured to assume a pleasant and familiar air, after hastily frowning down the disquietude of his colleagues. The Minister of Industry continued inwardly, but deeply, to regret their tardiness in the application of his Undesirable Immigrants Exclusion Bill, which, had it been earlier applied might on some of its provisions, have prevented this incursion. Many of the members conccaled themselves beneath the seats, and a grim irony spread over the features of tho leader of the new arrivals, as he perceived their manoeuvres. " You need not fear us," he said, " we shall do you no bodily harm, provided you give us no trouble. Besides we are already quite familiar to many of you. Wo have simply come from Demon's Land to take complete control of the Government of this country. Your half measures have disgusted u«. Your ways aro far too slow. Several of you have still a sneaking regard for the interests of your country. We give you five minutes to pack up, and begone ! Leave for us your insignia and your robes of office."

The Premier and his colleagues were unwilling immediately to accede to this command. They hesitated a moment, but the whole band at an instant's signal from their leader opened their mouths, from which shot forth flame-like lightning, and gave vent to one short barking sound. It made Premier, Ministers, Speaker, and lion, gentlemen alike jump, and hastily gather together whatever scant possessions lay around. They vanished from that Chamber. Afterwards, however, an "edict wenb forth that they might return, and, on their good behaviour, occupy the Strangers' Gallery. Thus began a new rule, the rule of Von Demon's Land. The Speaker's Chair was occupied by a burly fiend, the Demon of Misrule. His rule was "Go ib as you please." The Premiership was of course assumed by Old Nick himself, the leader of the band._ The Demon of Corruption became Minister of Finance. The Demon of Destruction became Minister of Lands. The Demon of Discord took the portfolio of Education, while thab of Labour was bestowed upon the Demon of Idleness and Apathy.

The new Premier expounded his policy in a few forcible remarks. He said : " I have already stated the reason of our appearance here. \ our progress did not satisfy us. V our Liberalism is nob sufficiently Liberal. Your methods may have taken months or even years to compass the entire destruction of this nation. YVe purpose to accomplish the same in a few short weeks. With this end in view, we remove altogether the disabilities placed on property of any kind. If any man wants anything, let him take ib. If he wants land, let him take land ; if he wants property, let him take property. He will nob enjoy it long. We hereby dismiss all magistrates, policemen, and public servant a. Let overy man shifb for himself. Men were nob born either policemen or public servants. Wo allow no one either bo enter or leave the country. They can fight ib out inside. _ As for money we intend to create tons of ib every day and distribute it among our favourites. It will have no value. As to education we substitute in tho schools of the nation, for reading, writing, and arithmetic —robbery, chicanery, and tomfoolery. We entirely abolish marriage as a bondage unworthy of our subjects. We abolish all lesser courts, intending as the true fathers of the people to settle all disputes ourselves. _ We shall settle them for ever; they will dispute no more, because they will have no heads to dispute with. We shall nob be idle, and we trust entire confidence will be displayed in us by the people. We intend to show them the meaning of Liberalism in its fullest sense." And they kept their word. A month later they were seen at the principal wharves, packing their portmanteaux with the remnants thab remained.