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LOCAL GOSSIP.

"Let ir.e have audience for a word or two." —Shal;t\y>rre. Most of the papers, I observe, devote space to the many good tilings said by Mr. Vincent Tyke, lie did say many good things, I admit, but 1 doubt very much whether what he achieved could be put in the same category. For instance, lie prided himself on being the creator of the Otago Central Railway. That railway was condemned as a most unprofitable speculation by 1 Commission which lcported in 18S0, ami Mr. John McKenzie and Mr. Seddon condemn it now. Hut there it is in spite of everybody, and it will have to be complete 1 if" the colony bursts in the attempt. But Mr. Fyke was accustomed to say a good tiling on that subject, He used to'telThow he originated the agitation for the line, and got no a league for the purpose. That league at first consisted of Mr. I'vke and one or two others—in fact he was the head ami also the tail. His boast was, that tiie funds of the League consisted for some time of .'lO-. Mr. Fyke used to say that he had nude 50 miles of railway for 30s, and lie defied anybody to equal that as aa achievement in practical engineering. It shows what can be done under government by log-rolling and borrowing. I see that at the last meeting of the Crown Lands Beard, the chairman of the Cordon Special Settlement Association was present, and pointed out that it was a hardship on those who had faithfully occupied their land, that a large number of sections should be unoccupied, preventing the erection of a dairy factory, and so on. This subject has agitated the Gordon settlement for some time, and has even induced spiritual manifestations. Some four years ago the village of Waiorongomui was startled by rumours of strange portent. It was whispered th.it a supernatural message had come from another sphere, urging the Gordon settlers to forsake the delusive charms of gold-mining, and return to man's first. and best employmentagriculture. Of old, 'twas in the flight of cranes and other strange wild fowl that men were wont to read the auguries of Fate, bur now, in pity for modern scepticism, the Divine message was legibly inscribed on the egg of a common hen ! Briefly, some good woman, hunting tor feme who!: sonic addition to her breakfasttable, had found i.i her fowl-house an egg, bearing in raised letters the words, " Gordon •>;/tltr<, jet on to your .action*.'' The strange tidings fl-jw from house to house, —the wonderful egg was handed round -'a i. <'• 7- , — the writing was clear nd unmistakable as mi Belshazzar's wail, and, conscience-stricken, several of ho •'Gordons'' then anil there forsook the :u!t or Hut us for the gentler sway of ere.-, and packing up their household .-I-, returned to their sections. Surely :ey did we*!. Why, then, the necessity -r Mr. Bernard Montague appearing at the Land Board '.' The Gordon settlers complain, not of the soil, not of the climate, not of the inaccessibility of their land, —nothing of these, cut solely of our land laws, which allow them to languish, crippled and helpless, between " the devil and the deep sea*' of dummyism and absenteeism. Their clothing, their groceries, th;ir farm requisites, are all made dear by penal taxation, but the land around them is allowed to be held idle free of duty, and thus would be workers are kept oil". I have been told that- some of the Gordon settlers simply smile at the story of the inscription on the hen's egg, which is surely extraordinary in these days of fortune-telling and spiritual manifestations. Bun then there always was, and always will be sceptics, men who will notbelieve Moses and the prophets, nor even the inscription on a hen's egg. The punishment for their unbelief should be the forfeiture of their sections.

A very serious accusation is brought by i Southern paper upon my fellow-citizen, :he Hon. Mr. Tole, and although he is at present busy in the Supreme Court, I must brine if- to his notice, and demand a categorical denial at once. If it be true .hat a man who would make a pun would pick a pocket, what is to be said of the individual who would let loose upon the world a whole legion. Here is the cause of offence: — "(> hail" shall I cro«s this swift- river, " Ohau " \V.,i km ae" not swim to the shore'; " (»tak i" .1 l».;at ami row rapidly o'er !n tiiy ".Mai!a w.ttu" did ' efore. "<» T''ii V way gently, for life in a boat Is a " 11 to when u a" aiV'at. .'fere is yet another version : — " Ohm' shall I cros- the swift river, " OhauV' " iik ui-ie" not -.wiin rile -bore'; " (it .hi" a Kit ali i r <pi<lly ravIn the " M in I'vatu" •1 i< 1 t'efore. " (,'iou t," «ay gently, but yuu must beware Ul tile " llorowiieiiui;." aria it. Tiiete was it seems another verse, in which certain other names were introduced, but the implacable follow who recalls the above has, fortunately for humanity, forgotten it. It is fair to say that there is a chance of escape for Mr. Tole. He is said to have perpetrated the above just after he hud made a Ministerial tour on the West . I.a-;, and we ail know that Ministerial tours are apt'to be disturbed by banquets. It Mr. Toie pleads a banquet I will at once for rive him. But at that time banquets to Ministers were not so highly developed as they are now, they having become what some friends of Mr. Toie would call quite a Seddon-tery occupation. A learned lawyer has devoted himself to a thorough explication and exploitation of the term jxtr-un, etymolo<rically, historically, and legally. To give his communication would, I am afraid, frighten my readers. The conclusion is, that in modern times the legal office of " minister" has been created ; there are incumbents of districts called parishes by special Act of Parliament by torce oi OS George 111., c. 4-3. It is clear that here in iNew Zealand there is no parson -jr vicar in the tenor of the old law of England, but instead thereof a minister by force of Act of Parliament passed to meet the circumstances of the present time. A young gentleman writes in a very dis-ires-ed state of mind. : He was engaged to be married subject, to his father's approval, He introduced his father to his intended a =hort time ago. His father, however, objected, giving as his reason that the waist of the young lady was too small. He -aid that unless my correspondent could get her to slacken her stays lie would not allow him to marry her. The young man has .jeeii praising the girl's figure, and now he feels that it would be awkward for him to turn round and ask her to reject her stays. Besides, he feels a natural delicacy on the s übject. The father says that compressing '.lie waist spoils the temper, and destroys the health, causing a sinking feeling which often leads women to have recourse to spirits. He says that every well-grown woman ought to measure round the waist from :22 to 30 inches. A strong article on die paper on the subject would meet her 'eye, and would cause her to alter her habit. There need be no mealy-mouthed-jess in the matter. Let him tell the girl 'hat her stays are all that stand between aer and matrimony, and if he does it in a dght and proper style, the stays will soon >e dispensed with.

I notice that the people of Hellyev's 'Jreek are divided on what name they are to give that locality, which has been progressing lately. They don't like Ilellyer's Creek, which is the name it first got from the Europeans, as a man of that name lived there. Nor do they like Birkdale, which las been proposed, although that is a pretty name. It may not be appropriate, as it is not a valley of birch trees. But why not take the original native name, which the place had centuries before the foot of the white man had reached the Waitemata. That name is Oruamo, arid one would make a long search through all the languages under the sun before he found a sweeterbounding word.

The Auckland people are a little anxious to know whether Her Worship the Mayor of Onehunga received Lord Glasgow and the vice regal party at- Onehunga on their arrival there by train, but the activo and intelligent reporter has not through the press given them any enlightenment on that head. It is believed that the viceregal party went straight on board the Hill em from tho train. A " Northern Country Settler" is rather indignant at the treatment Mrs. Yates has received at the hands of a section of tho citizens of Onehunga. He says _ I sigh for the head and hand of a Dean Swift to touch mv feeble pen, to lash those modern representatives of civilisation, the Onehunga Liliputians. I was taught from childhood to respect and protect women, but the case of Mrs. Yates, the lady .Mayor of Onehunga, shows that I must be an exception, or else some of the male portion of Onehunga have had their education sadly neglected. O shade of Darwin ! what beautiful illustrations of thy theory have we here, in the gender male,turning oil' the gas m the Council Chambers, while the female sliinesoutof their midst, likea bright newsil vetsixpence amongst six penny worth of dirty coppers. Having shown the world that they place more trust mid confidence in a woman than any man they have in their midst, like spoilt children with new toys they commence to play, and try to deface tin- monument they themselves have erected. But the mud they would throw only shows the world how low some men will stoop to compter. Every year we send men and women to civilise the heathen of foreign lands. _ In the name of common sense and humanity, let us keep them at home until the Onehunga people are civilised, or else we shall have the (foreign) heathen retaliating. I notice that a movement is on hand to establish a Boys' Rest at Onehunga. Tho project is opportune. It is about time the boys of Onehunga took "a rest." _ The whirligig of time brings about strange revenges. The other day Mr. Monk was unseated by decision of the Supreme Court, through circumstances over which he had little if any control, but- which brought him technically within the meshes of the law. This week ho litis received a cheque for £800 and a complimentary address from his fellow-settlers. Before the election Dick Tator gave " the office " to the Waitemata electors as to their duty, to-day his nominee stands " frozen out," a political ■ opponent is returned, and another Richard —"the Monk that shook" the political world of Waft"emata—is satisfied and avenged! Such is the Nemesis of politics, which comes sooner or later when a ruler tramples on the necks of his fellows and is a past master in the art of political bullock driving. I hear that the Bellamy at the City Council rooms has passed away — the usual complaint, "tightness of the chest." In former years councillors paid i'l each towards the liquor fund, the teetotallers giving their subscriptions, it was popularly supposed, for "hot coifee." Latterly there has been a difficulty in raising the subscriptions. There are other reasons as side issues. It appears that a number of outsiders who came to .the meetings as "interested in the business of the city," were apparently more interested in the little cupboard, and had a suck at the municipal "tit." Now that there are no adjournments from labour to refreshment, and making a night of it, members will attend strictly to business, get through with it without endless wrung ling, and return to their homes and their virtuous couches at a reasonable hour. The best members of the City Council are delighted that Bellamy has been abolished. There are many droll stories told about old St. Paul's. It appears that when the old foundation stone was examined at pulling down of the church the bottle was found broken, the more valuable coins missing, and the parchment tampered with. Whoever had been there or thereabout did not value the old newspaper of July "24, IS4I, as it was left intact. At an early stage in the history of Old St. Paul's the mohawks made oif with the bell (as a practical joke) which called the faithful to worship, and Mr. Win. Greenwood, of Epsom, and others, had a nice hunt to recover it. Auckland, in its early days, had not many dairies, and the citizens relied on goats, which were greatly in evidence. They made an excel, lent substitute, as they were all " butters." One Sunday one of the male persuasion waltzed into the church during service. An attempt was made to run him out, but he " exalted his horn " and cleared the aisles. A Queen-street storekeeper (now- of Dunedin) who was in Auckland the other day, deftly landed on his goat-ship's back, and the goat, rather puzzled to account for the new jockey, bolted out of the church with Brother L . Liter down, at a garrison service, a huge centipede tumbled from the roof on the coat of an oliicer, and fell to the floor. A soldier stepped forward to crush it under foot. " Hold," said the minister [I beg Mr. Gresham's pardon—the pardon], who bad an eye to natural history as well as theology, " will anybody go to the vestry for a bottle to put him in '!" The centipede having been secured, the parson calmly went on where he had left, off —" Save us, miserable offenders 1" One historical fact is that Hobson Coates, named after Governor Hobson, who was his godfather, was the first ]>ersoti " received " into Old St. Paul's Church. Mr. Andrew Bell, of Wyndham-street, has the stone crosses which surmounted the gables of Old St. Paul's, also the weather vane, in his possession, which he has offered to present to the authorities of St. Paul's. Mf.uuctio.

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https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/NZH18940616.2.67.2

Bibliographic details

LOCAL GOSSIP., New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXI, Issue 9539, 16 June 1894, Supplement

Word Count
2,375

LOCAL GOSSIP. New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXI, Issue 9539, 16 June 1894, Supplement

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