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ODDS AND ENDS.

S'lonky you earn yourself is much better than any you can get out of dead men's bags. When you allow yourself to dispute with a fool, he is nearly certain to be similarly engaged. " Come here and toll me what the four seasons are?" Young prodigy answers: — " Pepper, mustard, salt, and vinegar ; them's what mother always seasons with." A young lady who was fond of singing the song beginning ,l I am saddest when"] sing," was disgusted when the neighbours, who had got tired of the doleful ditty, struck in, '' So are we ; so are we !"

Mrs. William Wright, of New Castle, Ind., recently gave birth to four children, making in all a family of fourteen children, including five pairs of twins. Let's see. Who was it said he'd rather be Wright than be President. We wouldn't.

The deacon's wife wanted to put down the text, and leaning over to her scapegrace nephew, she whispered, " Have you a card about you ?" "You can't play in church !" was his solemn, reproving answer ; and the good woman was so flustered that she forgot all about the text. Naturalists say that the feet of the common working honey bee "exhibit the combination of a basket, a brush, and a pair of pincers." Persons who have had a honey bee walk on them in an exposed placo will marvel that a red hot stove is not also found in the " combination."

The path of truth is a plain and safe path; that of falsehood is a perplexing maze. After the first departure from it is not in your power to stop. One sacrifice unavoidably leads on to another, till, as the intricacy of the labyrinth increases, you are left entangled in your own snare. Mrs. Bullion, to the principal of the school attended by her daughter:—"Dear Madam,—My daughter Clarice informs me that last year she was obliged to study vulgar fractions. Please do not let this happen again. If my dear child must study fractions, let them be as refined as possible. The story is told of a Scotchman, ono of several brothers, whose father, a wealthy man, had died. There was much quarrelling about the property. A friend condoled with him on the bereavement. " Well," said he, " our father's death might have been a real pleasure to us ; instead of that, it is only a misery." As soon as wo get over tho rush we are going to invent a big navy gun that will throw deadly car stoves into the enemy's vessels. Two grand results will be accomplished. The enemy will be annihilated in a particularly melancholy manner, and we shall get rid of the car stoves. — Springfield Union. The practical boy, Tommy, wanted to prove tilings that he read. " Mother," said lie, "do you think our big dog Lion would save a little girl's life if she fell into the water?" "I daresay he would, dear," responded tho mother, whereupon Tommy cried enthusiastically, "Oh, then, mamma, do frow Totsy in !" A pedlar recently gave two men, who saved him from drowning, a lead pencil each. He Mas evidently determined they shouldn't forget their heroism. They could make a note of it with their lead pencils. Some pedlars might have given them money, which they probably would have spent, and they might have forgotten about it in a week or so.

A Scotch clergyman remarked to ono of his flock that he heard ho was about to be married for tho third time. The reverend gentleman added : " They say, John, you're getting money with her. You did so on the last two occasions. You'll get quito rich by tho wives." " 'Deed, sir," quietly responded John, " what wi' bringin' them in and putt-in' them out ther's nae muckle made o them, sir." No ono talks now of "every bullet having its billet," or thinks of life as an " appointed span." The bullet proceeds by the laws of dynamics, and the length of life is determined by those of biology. If wo desire that our days may be long in the land, we know that that end must be sought exclusively by sanitary and hygienic precaution, and that (barring accidents) it depends exclusively on how successfully we " struggle for existence" whether our existence will be extended for a longer or shorter period.

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ODDS AND ENDS. New Zealand Herald, Volume XXV, Issue 8974, 11 February 1888, Supplement

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