ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XIX, Issue 6362, 8 April 1882, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Thf. most popular winter sport—Catching colli. "A'liat does every one thirst after? A red herring. The Physician's Motto, —"Have pitients and you will succeed." Uscar WiUle says that a lily by any utter name would smell as sweet. An exchange says the Ohio is so low fliat steuners have to carry sprinklers to lay the Just. What is that which no man wishes to have aud uo man wishes to lose? A bald head. ihe billiard-player is not an imitator. He takes the cue from uo man. He takes it from, the rack. "Excuse me for the liberty I take," as the convict remarked when he escaped from the State Prison. Is there a word in the English lauguage which contains all the vowels? There is, unquestionably. There is lint one thing needed to make the oyster soup at a railroad restaurant perfect, and that is oysters. "' Well," said an Irish attorney, "ifitplaze the Coort, if I am wrong in tins, I have another point that is equally conclusive." "What is love?'' asks everybody, and somebody replies, "It is a feeling that you don't want another fellow fooling around her." Do not many, because your wife will be ugly or she will be pretty. In the former case you won't like her; in the latter some one else will. An exchange says "The bicycle is a great tiling to put llesh on a man's legs." It is also a groat thing to take flesh oil' a man's nose and other portions of a man's face. If a landlord would only reside on bis propert v long enough, he'd never be shot. What we want in Ireland is landlords who wont take any rent and spend the money freoly. J ones : "What did you think of my argument. Focrg?'' Foza : "It was sound, very sound, (.tones is delighted.) Nothing but sound, in fact." (Jones reaches for a brick.) ;•: " I declare !"' exclaimed Brown, "Ibclieve I have forgotten all I ever knew." " Sorry to hoar it," remarked Fogg. "However, you can take .in hour some day and learn it all over again." An Irishman on board a vessel, when she was on the point of foundering, being desired to come on deck as she was going down, replied that he had no wish to go on deck to sec himself drowned. Insanity takes queer freaks. Recently an up-country editor suddenly "became possessed I witli the idea that he was a sewing society, i and the paper he got out the next day brought him a lioel suit from every family in town" S;iid a citizen to a lawyer the other day, " Plaintiff will swear that I hit him ; I will swear that I did not. Now, what can you lawyers make out of that if we go to trial?" "A "guinea apiece, " was the prompt reply, as he extended his hand. They were standing just by tho front gate of the old farm house. Farmer Robinson leaning on the gate post. " Well, miss, I hope you've enjoyed yourself this summer. We hain't put on much style for you, but we've meant to treat you sort o' so so. " Don't mention if, pray,'' replied Ihss Kit/joy. "It's been the most delightful season I ever knew. Why, I've learned so imi-h alu.ut fanning that I really. I^ l l,e^,, i '"'^t'kind of a house do you want?" " 01. " replied is chen -I t. T In.'r u-illt 1 IIOUSO .11 till • J- J tiou i^-^^th^^rr'Vw^'o'S up a I " lu?e .. t! '' l m " ifo ." ]Jut the architect, boards tos:it»fi cxpericncc> to M him i ">MI7 Inve to put a thousand cupboards ■„ -1 t er and make the edifice six stories. „ *h ' then his wife would say, when it •is completed, that there was not a cupboard inthe. house big enough for a cat to turn » round in.